That's Because You're Stupid

Shen Yiren set us straight: "Alright, stop picking on them. You're older than them, and yet you're the one that's least reliable. All three of you are ranked. Tang Ye is ranked two-hundred and twentieth, Su Xiao is ranked two-hundred and fortieth, and you're ranked four hundredth. Reflect on yourself, alright?""Wait a second!"I don't want to be ranked, but since I'm ranked, they need to rank me appropriately."Why are Su Xiao and Tang Ye ranked so high? Wasn't I the one that solved the case? Why are they the ones getting the credit?""If you're looking at the big picture, then you're right." Shen Yiren wore a helpless expression and continued: "But once I recounted everything you did, Sir Sui felt that you didn't actually do anything incredible. As a matter of fact, you were ranked thanks to them."What?3, 2, 1 thinks otherwise?"I don't accept this! I want a proper explanation!""First, Su Xiao was the one that stopped the fight between the Qilin Guards and the Orange Prince's men, right?""…Y-yeah."She wouldn't believe me if I told her I took down all six of them, right?"Right. And the one who took down the grave robbers was Tang Ye, right?""Yeah.""And when Jia Yunfeng snuck attack us when the Orange Prince came looking for trouble, Su Xiao was the one who stopped the Orange Prince, while Tang Ye stopped Jia Yunfeng, right? All you did was take the book from the tomb. Heck, you even got poisoned and then ended up throwing it wherever. In fact, you nearly put it into the Orange Prince's hands, right?""Yes.""So your ranking is justified."Son of a bitch!!!What sort of fucking logic is this?!!Boss Shen ignored me. It was rare, but she was gentle for once. She said: "You guys have worked hard. That was a very important step. If you can't even make the underground ranks, you won't get selected to compete in the imperial martial arts tournament. I'm very happy that you three have achieved this feat in less than half-a-month of joining. I'll give you guys half-a-day off work today, go and have fun."Su Xiao who was sixteen was still at the playful age. He happily grabbed my arm and said: "Brother Ming, Brother Ming, where are we going to go?"Me: "Eight Deities Tavern! Dong Po Restaurant! Choose one!"Su Xiao: "Ugh! I don't want to eat braised pork shoulders with soy sauce."You finally said it! You're a stupid, tasteless, uncultured idiot who doesn't understand the intricacies, culture and beauty of braised pork shoulders in soy sauce!Tang Ye didn't look happy. That punk is a martial-arts-training-nut. He's probably going to use this break to train. Fine, I'll definitely trick Su Xiao into treating me to braised pork shoulders in soy sauce!Shen Yiren out of the blue said: "Yan Ling, don't train today.""….."Looks like she hit the nail on the head. Tang Ye didn't look too natural."I know you're dedicated to your martial arts training. I want you to become stronger too. But closing yourself off isn't going to help you improve. You're still young so spend some time on your own life. Go see how others spend their time and life." Boss Shen is only a year older than Tang Ye, but she had much more life-experience than him. She was bestowed the A-rank warrior title by the emperor himself after all.I gestured to Tang Ye to drink: Let's drink. You foot the bill.Tang Ye smiled and nodded, so I guess he agreed.Fantastic! Su Xiao's treating me to food, and Tang Ye's treating me to drinks today!Just as I was struggling to decide between the Eight Deities Tavern and Dong Po Restaurant, Shen Yiren said: "But. One of you performed very poorly. Yan Ling, Xiao Han, you two go on ahead. Ming Feizhen, you stay back." Tang Ye and Su Xiao looked at each other, felt that something was a bit strange, but left anyway.Hmm?Th-this again? She smacked me in the face with an inkstone last time she told me to stay behind.I'm not going to answer any of your questions pertaining to me peeping at your boobs just now."You were checking me out again just now, weren't you? You're always stepping out of line."Fuck, busted again!!"I'm sorry, boss!"I retreated a step as I feared her Divine Inkstonesmanship. Shen Yiren stepped closer. Her long swan-like beautiful neck and her jade-like tall stature meant that she only had to tilt her head upwards slightly to look at me. Our eyes met. I didn't know what to do.She looked at me for a long time before asking: "Why?"Is that a trick question?"B-because you're pretty."Shen Yiren paused, then blushed and asked: "I didn't ask you about that. I was asking you why you wanted to stay at Liu Shan Men?"Huh? That's your question?"To be honest, I recruited you in the first place to get your gugu to join Liu Shan Men. I also knew your sect would be a good source of support, which is why I made an exception and recruited you as officially as an official constable."She then continued: "Su Xiao is naive and pure. He's not skilled yet but his ideals align with ours. I believe he should stay as it's the best place for him to enact and pursue his ideals. Tang Ye may be out for vengeance, but I believe I can help him find the culprit and help him get his revenge, thereby making this a suitable home for him.But I have no idea what you're after. Ming Feizhen, answer me, can Liu Shan Men provide you with what you want? Why did you choose this place?""I want to ask you a question first, vice-captain.""Ask away.""It's about that book. If I couldn't get the book to the emperor like that back there, and it was up to you, how would you have dealt with it?" I paused for a moment and then continued in a stronger tone: "Everybody knows that the emperor dotes on his sons. He may not punish the Orange Prince severely even if he knew about his corruption. However, Liu Shan Men would end up offending a prince like that.""I…" Shen Yiren paused to think and then said: "I'd still bash him."I sighed and said: "How stupid."Shen Yiren looked at me with disdain and said: "You're fucking stupid.""I wouldn't do something so stupid if I were you." I rubbed my face that was hurting slightly and continued: "But I'm very proud that I have a superior who'd do something stupid like that. That's why I chose Liu Shan Men. Are you satisfied with this answer of mine, vice-captain?"Shen Yiren kept her eyes on me. I wasn't sure what her evaluation of me was.She then suddenly said: "Boss.""What?"Shen Yiren glanced and me and said: "In future, call me 'boss' when we're alone. You've called me boss so many times that I'm not used to it when you call me vice-captain.""Boss! I, Ming Feizhen shall serve you with every fibre of my being!""Go and have fun with Yan Ling and Su Xiao. You have to return to work tomorrow so don't go overboard. Do you have anything left to say?"I rubbed my face that got smacked with the inkstone and said: "No, nothing… Oh, you don't close the door properly sometimes when you get changed, so I stood guard for you in case someone tried to peep. You don't have to thank me."Smack. Smack.I got slapped with an inkstone again… To hell with this Divine Insktonesmanship!