WARNING: Do not read this story right after eating. In fact, don't read it right before eating, either. In fact, just to be safe, don't read this story if you're ever planning to eat again.
Miss Mush wiped her hands on her apron. She smiled at the children who were lined up at the cafeteria. It warmed her heart to see how much they liked her food.
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Maurecia was first in line.
"And what would you like today, Maurecia?" Miss Mush asked. She knew the name of every child in Wayside School.
Maurecia looked at the sign.
Special Today: Mushroom Surprise
"Just milk," said Maurecia. "I brought my lunch."
Miss Mush smiled and gave Maurecia a carton of milk.
Joy was next in line.
"And what would you like, Joy?" asked Miss Mush.
"Milk," said Joy.
Miss Mush smiled and gave Joy a carton of milk. "And what would you like, Jason?"
"Milk, please," said Jason.
"Just milk," said Dameon.
"Milk," said D.J.
"Milk," said Leslie.
It was almost Ron's turn. He hadn't brought a lunch. He normally brought a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to school, but there hadn't been a single slice of bread in his house this morning.
"I know!" his mother had said. "Ill give you some money and you can buy a nice hot lunch from Miss Mush!" She thought it was a brilliant idea.
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"Can't I just have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without the bread?" Ron had asked. Now he looked up at the sign.
Special Today: Mushroom Surprise
He wished he weren't so hungry.
This was the eighteenth day in a row that the special was Mushroom Surprise. It was called Mushroom Surprise because it would have been a surprise if anybody had ever ordered it. No one ever did- except Louis, of course. That's why they'd had it for eighteen days. There was always plenty left over.
"Milk," said Terrence.
"Milk," said Sharie.
"Milk," said Calvin.
"Milk, please," said Bebe.
"And what would you like today, Ron?" asked Miss Mush.
Ron took a breath. "Mushroom Surprise," he squeaked.
Tears of joy filled Miss Mush's eyes. She blew her nose on her apron, then said, "One Mushroom Surprise, coming right up!"
Tears came to Ron's eyes too, but for a different reason. He looked at the Mushroom Surprise. It was sort of green.
So was Ron.
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Miss Mush proudly dumped a hot lump of Mushroom Surprise on a paper plate and handed it to Ron. He put it on his tray, then pushed it over to the cash register, where he paid for it.
The news quickly spread around the cafeteria, then up and down the stairs and out to the playground.
"Ron ordered the Mushroom Surprise!"
"Ron ordered the Mushroom Surprise!"
Mrs. Jewls was sitting in the teachers' lounge on the twelfth floor when Bebe burst into the room.
All the teachers were shocked to see her.
"Bebe, you're not allowed in here," said Mrs. Jewls. "This is a secret place."
"Ron ordered the Mushroom Surprise!" Bebe shouted; then she ran back up to the cafeteria.
As Ron sat down at a table, eighty-seven kids crowded around him to watch him eat.
"I wonder what the surprise is," said Deedee. She had the best view. She was pushed right up alongside Ron's chair.
"Maybe it tastes good," said Leslie. "Maybe that's the surprise."
"No, I think it's called Mushroom Surprise because after you eat it, it's a surprise if you don't die," said Mac.
"Louis eats it. He's not dead," said Jason.
"Louis has been eating Miss Mush's food for so long, he's immune to it," said Allison.
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Ron dug his plastic fork into the goop. He raised it to his mouth.
Dana covered her eyes. "I can't watch!" she exclaimed.
Ron opened his mouth wide. The fork entered. He brought the fork out again.
It was empty!
Ron chewed twice, then swallowed.
"He ate it!" Deedee announced for those who couldn't see.
Stephen screamed.
"Hmm," said Ron. "Not too bad. It sort of tastes like a mixture of bananas and spinach."
"What's the surprise?" asked Deedee.
Ron looked at Deedee. His face flushed and his eyes changed color. His whole body began to shake, like a washing machine on the spin cycle.
Deedee was afraid he was going to throw up. She tried to get away, but with everyone crowded around, there was no room for her to move.
But Ron didn't throw up. He stood up, put his arms around Deedee's neck, and kissed her smack on the lips.
He sat back down. His eyes returned to their normal color.
"Ylah!" said Deedee, wiping her mouth on her sleeve.
"What's the matter?" asked Ron.
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"Don't you know what you just did?" asked Allison.
He shrugged. "I ate some Mushroom Surprise. It wasn't bad. Sort of like a mixture of a hot dog and grape jelly. I wonder what the surprise is."
He dug his plastic fork back into the goop.
Everybody ran away.
When Mrs. Jewls entered the cafeteria, no one was there except for Ron. He was sitting alone at a table eating Mushroom Surprise.
Mrs. Jewls sat down next to him. "Hi Ron," she said. "So how does it taste? And what's the surprise?"
Ron swallowed another mouthful. He looked at his teacher. His face flushed and his eyes changed color. . . .