Chapter 12: Sisters
When her mother came home, armor scuffed and bloodied, her hand holding onto a young girl her own age, Nadine hadn’t known what to think. Her mother introduced the girl as Enya, and she said that she was going to be her new little sister.
A sister. Nadine had never had a sister before; for as long as she could remember, it was always just her and her mother, and she was completely fine with that. But her mother had looked so tired, and when she looked at Enya, with her scratched tan skin and messy, ash covered red hair and dull eyes, she felt sorry for the girl. She was going to be a Paragon, after all, and saving people was what they did, so she’d agreed to look out for her.
After a week had passed, Nadine’s conclusion was that Enya was weird. Half the time she spoke to her it felt like the girl wasn’t really listening to her at all, and she was constantly staring off into space with those weird, lifeless eyes. It didn’t matter how friendly Nadine was. Her face barely moved, and Nadine would’ve been convinced that she couldn’t smile at all if she hadn’t seen Enya around her mother, who was the only person she’d seen the girl’s expression change around.
She’d complained to her mother, of course, but the woman had simply patted her on the head and told her to be patient. “She’s been through a lot,” she’d said. Nadine hadn’t thought that was an excuse for being rude, but patience was one of the virtues practiced by Paragons, so patient she would be.
Over time, Enya did open up more. She still wasn’t a very expressive person, and she still tended to space off, but she was far more present than when she’d first arrived. She actually paid attention when Nadine did her hair, and she’d respond to her instead of ignoring her all the time. When her mother started training the two of them in sword fighting, Enya became even more expressive. In retrospect, those first few months were the most uncomplicated her relationship with her sister ever was. Nadine took to the sword like she’d been born wielding one, and she was proud to give her little sister pointers when she was struggling. When she heard Enya say she wanted to be a Paragon too, just like Maren and Nadine, her chest had puffed up with pride.
Then Nadine used magic for the first time, and things had begun to go downhill.
It wasn’t as though Nadine had expected to be incredible at magic, or to have large reserves. She didn’t need to be a prodigy at magic to become a Paragon, after all. She’d simply never thought much about it. Most people had average reserve sizes; her mother did as well, and Nadine had spent her whole life assuming she would be the same. There was no reason to think otherwise.
So when she first performed magic, the first thing she felt was pride that she had the same motion affinity as her mother, and the next thing she felt was panic as she tried to take a step and her limbs refused to respond. Her arms and legs felt heavy, distant, like they weren’t her own to control. She’d fallen over, and maybe she’d screamed, but her mind was too occupied to notice.
Her mother had rushed her to the temple, where the medics looked at her. She was fortunate that the paralysis had been temporary, they’d said. Her magic reserves were so low that any more than the meager amount she’d used could’ve killed her.
She didn’t give up on being a Paragon. Her mother tried to convince her out of it, but she couldn’t stop chasing the dream she’d clung to since birth. Her entire identity had been formed around it; what other interests did she have? And after Enya turned out to have unusually large magic reserves, that only spurred her on more. She was the older sister, the one Enya looked up to. She was supposed to be her role model, and she was not going to look pathetic in front of her little sister.
She’d known deep down, of course, that it was futile. Paragons had to be licensed practitioners, and no one could be a practitioner with magic reserves as small as hers. Hearing the Paragons whisper about it that day during training had been nothing but the final nail in the coffin that she’d tried so hard to keep from shutting. In the future Nadine would look back and think that it might have hurt less if she’d admitted it from the start, but she’d been a child plugging her ears, believing that if she couldn’t hear it then the truth wouldn’t exist.
Her mother had yelled at her for hours after her last spar with Enya. She knew the only reason she hadn’t received a more severe punishment was because her mother could see the guilt on her face. It wasn’t her sister’s fault, she knew that. It had simply been a spur of the moment reaction. She’d lashed out, and she wouldn’t make that mistake again, she thought. But try as she might to be better, the seeds had already been planted.
When Maren died, Nadine hadn’t known how to feel. The days blurred together in a cacophony of meaningless condolences and chatter. She took her mother’s old room because Enya hadn’t wanted to, and she spent the nights lying awake on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, perfectly still just like her mother had looked in those final months. But no matter how many times she’d wanted to stay there, to lie on that bed and never stand up again, she’d continued moving for her sister’s sake. Her sister, who was hopeless at household chores and who she’d never seen cry before her mother’s funeral. Her sister, who said she didn’t want to be a Paragon anymore.
She had been too tired to care. Maybe she should have. Maybe she should’ve been angry that her sister was wasting away her talent, the talent she would’ve killed to have, but she remembered her mother withering away and didn’t say a word about it. Instead, she took recordkeeping patrols with her, never swinging a sword herself, but watching. It felt like that was all she ever did, was watch.
And it was because Nadine was watching her that she could tell something was wrong. Enya’s eyes were constantly drifting off, looking at something that she couldn’t see. She was jumpier, flinching at any shadow that appeared in her peripheral vision, and she spent so much time away from the house with that strange mercenary.
So Nadine waited, staying up late into the night for her sister to get home. Cooking Enya’s favorite meals. Waiting for her sister to finally tell her what was going on.
She never did. If anything, Enya became more distant. They barely spoke, and neither one seemed interested in breaching the line of tension that had been drawn between them.
Until one day, three days after Raynor returned from the Rite, Enya did approach her. She approached her, did not explain what had been weighing down on her for so long, and instead said she was leaving to go somewhere else.
Nadine had spent her childhood chasing the dream of becoming a Paragon, and she had failed at that. Then Maren had died and she’d worked to become the best sister she could be, and it looked like she had failed that, too.
—
Nadine was silent as Enya finished speaking, her expression unmoving. Enya swallowed, resisting the urge to fidget.
When she’d accepted Wren’s offer, she hadn’t expected the meeting to be called so quickly. The Ark had stood, stretching a glowing hand up to the sky, and the clouds in that red expanse had twisted into a new pattern that meant nothing to Enya, but Wren said would be seen by the other Arks. Then she’d told Enya that they would head out the next day.
As abrupt as it was, Enya couldn’t restrain her excitement as she’d hurried home from the cliffside. That excitement had soon faded when she realized that she’d have to find a way to explain her trip to Nadine. You can tell your friends about Arks if you want, Wren had said. And yet, despite the woman’s assurances, she couldn’t chase away the dryness that stung her throat every time she considered it.
Instead, she’d simply said it was a training trip. She didn’t know exactly how long she’d be gone, but Wren would be with her. Nadine’s face had fallen for a brief second before it lost all expression and became a perfectly blank mask.
“I see.” Her sister’s voice was dull. “Is that all?”
Enya shifted her weight, shoulders tense. She’d been expecting a stronger reaction, something more like the Nadine who always got scolded by the tavern manager for yelling at customers (and who still did it because she refused to let someone get away with disrespecting her). The woman sitting across from her felt like a shell of the vibrancy she knew. It’d be a shame if things ended on a sour note, Wren's voice echoed in her mind. She took a deep breath.
“Nadine,” she began carefully. “Are you mad at me?”
Silence followed the question. Enya’s eyes drifted aimlessly about the room, darting between wooden furniture in a desperate attempt to find something to focus on. Then, she heard a squeak and turned to see Nadine had shifted in her chair.
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Her sister released a long sigh, the tension draining from her body, leaving a slumped, tired version of herself in its wake. Enya almost wished she’d go back to the tenseness.
“Look, Enya,” she said, voice weary. “I know I haven’t been the best sister, but you know you can tell me if something’s bothering you, right? I’m not gonna judge you.”
You would, Enya thought. She clenched her fist under the table. Nadine was watching her, studying her reaction.
“Did you kill someone?” she suddenly asked. Startled, Enya shook her head.
“Of course not!”
“Then what the hell is so bad that you can’t tell me.”
Enya swallowed. “It doesn’t have to do with you,” she tried to say. “It…has to do with my magic. Innate magic.”
Silence followed the words, and Enya wondered if she’d already said too much when Nadine spoke, voice low so that she had to lean closer to hear her.
“Do you really think I’m so pathetic,” she said, “that you have to baby me?” Nadine’s hand shook where it rested on the table. “You think I can’t handle hearing about magic? It’s been over a fucking decade, Enya.” She laughed bitterly. “You know, when I found out about my magic, I used to wonder if I could just become a Paragon anyways. Train, get in some big fight, use my magic and go out in a blaze of glory. I thought about it all the time. But I didn’t do it, did I? I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to leave you alone.” When Enya met her gaze, Nadine’s eyes were burning with fury and something else that she couldn’t place. “I’m your older sister. I’m the one who’s supposed to be looking out for you. And if something’s so bad it’s been bothering you for weeks and now you’re leaving out of nowhere, you can damn well bet it has to do with me.” She ran a hand through her hair, pulling at the strands. “Just give me something to work with, Enya. Anything.”
Desperation, Enya realized. That was the other emotion, and she was responsible for causing it.
The first few weeks after Nadine had tried to use magic, she would train nonstop for hours. Enya would watch her from the sidelines as her sister swung her wooden blade again and again, moving like someone possessed. Enya would watch, never saying a word, as her movements became increasingly frenzied. It used to scare her, not because she was afraid of Nadine, but because she couldn’t understand what could drive someone so far. And now, facing her sister across the table, that same glint of near mania in her eyes, she realized she still didn’t understand her.
Enya forced her fist to relax and closed her eyes. “I’ll tell you,” she said, barely above a whisper. She opened her eyes and leaned forward. “I’ll tell you,” she repeated, this time stronger. “When I get back, I promise I’ll tell you everything.”
Nadine frowned. “You swear?”
“I swear.”
Her sister stayed silent, hard gaze studying her face, but Enya didn’t flinch. Nadine raised a hand and slipped off one of her earrings, dropping it. Enya hurried to catch it, staring down at her palm.
It was one of the earrings Nadine was always wearing, a hanging teardrop shape in a light lavender color. Enya had first seen them on Maren, that day she’d appeared in front of her in the destroyed village. The woman had given them to Nadine when the two of them were standing around her bed, watching her still form.
Enya couldn’t count how many hours she’d spent staring at those earrings. They weren’t particularly expensive or detailed, but she could never shake the gnawing thought that Maren had given them to Nadine and not to her. Logically she understood she was being absurd; Nadine was Maren’s daughter by blood, while Enya had only been taken in out of Maren’s kindness. It shouldn’t have bothered her so much, to see Nadine wearing them, and yet it had.
Now, with the earring sitting limply in her hands, she wasn’t sure how to feel. Nadine rolled her eyes from across the table.
“I’m not giving it to you or anything.” She pointed. “You’d better give that back when you’re back from your trip, and then you’re gonna explain everything to me. Promise?”
Enya’s fingers closed around the piece of jewelry. “I promise.”
Nadine stared at her for a moment longer before standing. “Hurry up and pack,” she muttered as she turned and headed towards the kitchen. “You still have to stop by Raynor’s.”
Enya nodded, rising as well and carefully depositing the earring a small bag attached to her belt. She’d put it on later. She paused as she was about to exit the room, turning back to face Nadine, who was pulling out a pot and placing it on the stove. Enya swallowed.
“Nadine?”
“Hm?” Her sister didn’t look up, attention focused on her cooking.
“Thank you.”
Nadine froze for a mere second before she recovered, so fast that Enya wondered if she’d imagined it, and turned away to grab the bottle of oil. She grunted in acknowledgment her one earring dangling as she moved. “Just be sure to get back safe.”
Enya nodded. “I will.”