The boredom of yesterday had made me complacent.
I didn't even need to go to the bathroom mirror to find the new changes, they were immediately obvious as soon as I woke up. I had paw pads growing on my palms and fingers. Specifically, the heel of my palm and my fingertips. They were slightly raised from the rest of my skin, were growing darker, and felt different.
These new changes had not fully completed, but they made for an immediate difference in how it felt to even just close my hand in a loose fist.
I sat up, and rubbed my hands against my face out of tiredness - and it too, felt very different due to those changes. Movement in the corner of my eye led me to see Jackie put away a book she'd been reading. She was not fast enough however to hide her ears. They were higher on her head, and now were flopping down even more.
"Okay," she said not looking at me, "you saw them, can you please stop."
"Hey," I said, "I've got my own annoyance this morning."
I raised up my hands to show her.
She looked at them for a moment and then just bowed her head.
"I'm tired Matt."
"Me too."
"I don't mean like... physically tired, but..."
"I get you."
"I feel so incredibly drained. I just can't even bring myself to get upset anymore."
"Yeah."
Jackie got up from her bed, and walked to the side of her room. I stood up and walked over to where I could see her. She stood next to her window, staring out at the white, snowy ground.
"It looks like today would be a good day for skiing," she said. "There's so much fresh powder out there."
"I tried skiing once," I said. "I didn't like it very much."
Her gaze darted to me. "You know Matt, you don't have to always say everything that pops into your mind."
My body tensed, ready to fire back at her. But I didn't. Everyone knew that Jackie herself had very little filter. But I didn't point that out. I relaxed, and looked down to the floor. Did my toes look a bit different?
Jackie sighed, and she went a bit limp, leaning her face against the glass. I saw from her movement that she had forgotten about her altered nose until it pressed against the window. She sighed again, standing back up straight, her nose slightly sticking to the glass for a second.
"Careful," I weakly laughed, "don't want to get it stuck to there."
"Ah, it's not that cold; and if that did happen, at least it would be an interruption to this painful boredom."
"I don't think I like the interruptions," i said, glancing behind me to my tail.
She turned to face me. "What does it... feel like?"
I barely intentionally thought about it, but it started to waver around behind me.
"I... I'm not sure. It's a whole new part of my body, something that I can actually feel through."
"Does it... hurt?"
"Only when I sit on it accidentally. It hurt when it first started growing, but became more subdued after I relaxed."
I noticed that she was shaking slightly. "I don't want a tail."
"Maybe they'll figure this -"
"No Matt," she raised up a hand, "I... I don't want to get down into a spiral again, but they aren't going to stop it. The changes are going to happen. I'm going to have to live with it. Maybe forever."
"If it helps," I said, "it... it isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be."
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She gave me a puzzled look.
I nervously laughed and looked down at it. "It can have a mind of its own sometimes... but it's manageable."
"You enjoy it," she stated.
"What?"
"Don't play coy with me," she said. "I've seen you. You literally wag your tail sometimes."
I stiffened. For some reason I subconsciously glanced around. "Okay. Maybe I do sometimes. I don't know why. It feels good for some reason."
"You are accepting what's happened."
"I... I guess so. This could always be worse. We could be taking on the features of crocodiles. At least dogs are usually cute and friendly animals."
Jackie folded her arms. "Then I guess I'm going to make a terrible dog."
"Well, we still don't know -"
"Matt," she pointed to herself. "I am a mutant. I also already wasn't an attractive girl before all this, but now I'm a horrible in-between thing. No one will ever look at me like they would a beloved pet, let alone as a human they love."
I stood there in silence. I was getting increasingly worn down by this constant self deprecation she piled on herself - and her also constantly implying that I was also going to be alone. I couldn't take it anymore. I trembled, looking into her eyes. I needed to resist, it was stupid of me to try to mess with a hornet's nest.
"I don't think you're ugly Jackie."
The emotion had been drained from her face, but now she snapped to life. Her ears strangely perked up.
I was suddenly struck with the reality that I'd just opened a door that was better left closed. I expected immediate anger in return, her shouting that I was the last person she'd want to date. But instead she just stood there staring at me, with an unreadable expression.
Her hand reached up and gingerly touched her snout, deep self-consciousness present in her eyes. She had the same bizarre changes I was going through, or would soon go through - but her face was still there, still recognizable. I'd felt into her because her face didn't look hyper attractive. It didn't look like she ever used makeup - or that she really made much effort to style her hair in anything other than a ponytail very often. The same thing I hated about Jackie was the same thing I liked - that she was very honest, and didn't care much about putting on a show.
I wish I could've said all these things to her. I wish that I could've articulated them all in a clear way.
"I like you Jackie. I wish that we could both be around each other when we're both happy. I don't think we really see each other at our best."
"I'm never at my best," she whispered. "All that this disease is doing to me is bringing out the ugliness inside. Maybe you have some semblance of a functioning human being in you Matt, but I don't. I never will."
Something overtook me. She began walking to her bed, and as she was about to boost herself up onto it, I hugged her. She didn't resist. Didn't yell at me. I barely moved. My eyes were closed, but I felt... I felt tears dripping against my arms. I felt her fingers wrap around my right arm. It was the closest that I had ever felt to a girl. I was completely out of my element, and as still as a rock.
Then there was an odd feeling that coursed through my veins. I felt the prickling of goosebumps forming on my arms... and then the chilly feeling disappeared. I felt a prickling, numb feeling wash over my skin. When I opened my eyes, Jackie and I both had the sight of what had happened. My arms were now mostly covered in golden fur.
"That... th - that is strange," Jackie said.
I relaxed my arms from around her, and ran my increasingly paw-like hands over them.
"I didn't think changes could happen that fast," Jackie said.
"Me neither."
"It felt... warm though." It was a whisper, barely audible.
Now she got onto her bed. She got out her dark purple tablet, making it clear that she was done with this social interaction. I returned to my own bed, feeling a whole mess of thoughts in my mind, all while running my fingers over the newly grown fur. I wished at that moment that I could know what she was thinking. That I could help her feel better.
But it was the blind leading the blind, in more ways than one. Neither of us knew if it was going to be alright. Neither of us felt particularly in a good mood. Jackie however, had noticeably deep problems beneath the surface. I only wished that she might be willing to reveal them someday.
That I realized though, was only the start of it for her. She didn't believe she even deserved to have relief from her demons. I doubted that I could do anything to free her from those demons.
I feared that I was perhaps one of them myself.