Loraine and I sit on the couch watching the fire crackle in the hearth. This is all we've been doing for the past day and a half since registering at the guild. Wake up, take some swings in the courtyard, eat, shit, and sleep. Loraine seems fine with our lazy lifestyle, but it's killing me being cooped up all day.
She likes to spoil me and have me lay my head on her thighs whenever we're chilling around. Her thighs are comfortable and worth going to war for, but if I have to spend another day in this house, I'm going to bash my own brains out.
Kain throws open the door carrying a tray of baked goods. There's a sweet smell coming from them.
"All this free time has allowed me to pursue other passions. I think these may be my best yet!" Kain puts himself between me and the fire, lowering the tray filled with cookies to my face. "Lady Micchi, you must—
I hop off the couch, snatching the tray from Kain's hands. "I can't take this anymore! I need to do something. You got a demon lord that needs killing, right?"
"Ahh…" Kain hovers around the tray, fearful that I might drop his precious batch of cookies. "We can't move against the demon lord. He's too entrenched in his domain to be reached."
I pop a cookie into my mouth. They're surprisingly good.
"Munch… munch… Then why the fuck do you guys need me here?" I ask.
"Demons occasionally launch incursions into Dysentia through the monoliths. Their appearance usually heralds with it the destruction of several villages. Right now, no alarm has been sounded since the one you took care of. C-Can I have my cookies back?"
"Lighter on the sugar next time," I say, handing them back.
I grab Sacchan from the mantle above the hearth. "C'mon, Loraine."
Loraine follows after me as I head out.
"Wait, where are you two going?" Kain asks.
"Adventurer's Guild got requests, right? We're members now, so I'm gonna see if they got something they need killing."
Kain sets the cookies down on the table and throws off his apron. "For what purpose? Adventurers take quests to make pocket change, but you're being backed by the royal coffers."
"Ain't about the money." I tap Kain lightly on the head with my bat. "Where I come from, if I ain't fighting, I might as well be dead. Gotta keep myself in top shape. Otherwise, I'll end up baking cookies at home like someone's grandma."
"Oh, so it's about complacency then." He puts a fist to his palm. "Then I shall accompany you— wait, by grandma are you referring to me??"
***
Mildred said she will need another few days before my clothes are enchanted. Until then, I have to put up with wearing a tavern dress. What I'm wearing shouldn't be a problem when I'm fighting though. It's not like my clothes were enchanted to begin with, and I was fighting fine without them.
When we get to the guild hall, it looks just the same as the other day. Drunken adventurers are wasting their day away beating each other up, sharing stories, and getting fat where they sit.
"Another let-off-some-steam day, huh?" I tease Kain.
"L-Look over here! There are plenty of quests on the notice board today," he says, trying to pull my attention away from the best the guild has to offer.
Everything written on the notice board is just a bunch of strange letters similar to the ones that showed up on the enchanted stone. The symbols are just gibberish to me, but the longer I look at them, the more they begin to make sense. Like they're forming into readable sentences.
The board is tacked full of forms, many of which are overlapping and taped on top of each other. I can see why, since there are a bunch of adventurers not doing shit, may be contributing to why nothing is getting done. Loraine and Kain mull over the many request forms that vary from giant monster slayings to a task as petty as delivering milk.
Whoever that poor bastard is that needs their milk delivered, doesn't look like they're getting it anytime soon.
"Pick the biggest thing," I say, glancing over their shoulders.
"What? No! If you just want to hit something, anything should be fine." Kain grabs a goblin extermination request. "What about goblins? They come in swarms, and you can have your fill of fighting as many as you can."
"Sounds boring. Loraine, what do you think?"
We turn to Loraine, who has gone deep in thought, muttering to herself. "Giant slimes… I want to see Micchi all sticky and goopy from fighting slimes…"
A chill runs up my spine. "I don't want what she's having."
"I concur…" Kain says.
"Well if it isn't the berserker!" Frey emerges from the basement wiping the sweat from her forehead. "Three of you here to take some quests?"
"Better than sitting around all day," I tell her.
Frey rolls her eyes. They settle firmly at the tavern side of the guild hall where the adventurers are now having a drinking contest. "Wish they would feel the same way… Anyway, you guys are looking for a quest to do, right? Can I recommend you take on the slime extermination quest?"
"Yes!" Loraine exclaims. She looks at us awkwardly, not sharing her same enthusiasm and calms down. "I mean, I think it's a good idea."
"It's unusual for the guild lass to be recommending us quests herself. Is there something we should know, Frey?" Kain asks, grabbing the slime extermination request paper.
"Among the many problems of things not getting done…" Frey takes a moment to spit in the direction of the drunken adventurers. "Slimes pose a particular threat of ruining the soil after prolonged exposure. As prince of Scoth, you should know what that means."
He chews on his thumb. "I see, if anything were to happen to the soil it could ruin farmlands from growing crops."
"And slimes have been propagating like mad since no one is taking care of them." Frey shrugs.
Kain turns to me with a serious look in his eyes. Even I can see he's genuinely concerned. "They may not put up the best fight for you, but would you consider accepting the slime extermination quest?"
"I guess this place is my turf, too. If something's creeping in, it's my job to take care of it."
"Thank you guys so much, nyaa~" Frey jumps with joy. "Normally you need to go through some paperwork, but I'll handle that instead. Once you're done, bring me the slime cores as confirmation!'
"By the way, Frey. Weren't there three other ladies working alongside you?" Kain asks.
Frey's cheerful demeanor becomes sullen, the energy in her eyes vanish and her shoulders droop. "Heh… They all left. I should've done the same, but I felt bad leaving this place. I'm sure I was destined for greater things but this is my life now."
I elbow Kain in the ribs. "Look what you did."
"Aha… Chin up! I'm sure the others will return in time."
***
We ride out to the quest location on horses borrowed from the guardhouse. Scoth has many small farming communities scattered across the kingdom. One is having a hard time dealing with the slime despite being so close to the Cynderace.
I would have thought being near the capital meant they could send a group of soldiers out to deal with it themselves, but Kain explains otherwise.
"Due to the nature of monoliths appearing anywhere and at random, my father has spread the army thin across the kingdom to protect its populace. Cynderace is already sparsely guarded as it is, and sending them away for even a day may prove fatal to its security."
"Damn. Wouldn't it be nice if, I dunno, you had a group of adventurers to do the job for ya?" I say, scoffing.
"Please, don't remind me… they weren't always like this. My family has tried offering larger rewards on top of the quests, but it isn't enough to convince them."
Loraine, who is riding on the same horse sitting behind me, taps on my shoulder. "What if you whipped them into shape like you did with the Rolling Plains orcs?"
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"Now look here, I'm not into this whole leading business. Whenever I had underlings getting out of line, one look puts 'em back in their place." I turn to Kain. "Don't you guys have a guild leader or something?"
"The last one quit," he answers.
"...Your guild problem's running a lot deeper than I thought."
Kain fiddles with the reins. "The guild charter mentions that in the event the guild leader's position is vacant, the city's highest authority in which the branch is stationed may select an interim leader… Father chose, uh, me."
"What? Too chickenshit to get them in line yourself? Gotta be loud, show 'em you mean business with your own hands," I say, smashing my fists together.
He glares suspiciously at me. "I'm not sure where you came from, but here that's called being a tyrant—"
Our horses rear back. I manage to catch Loraine before she falls off. We weren't watching our front and had ridden into a field of slimes.
I hop off first and help Loraine down. Kain takes stock of the situation and reports that there are maybe forty slimes in this field alone, maybe more further down.
Kain unsheathes his sword and takes a defensive stance. "Slimes are attracted to magic, so we might be able to lure them all into one spot to finish them off with Lady Loraine's spells."
"It's like looking at a field full of moving gumdrops." I watch as the slimes leave trails of mucus on the ground as they pass by. None of them seem particularly aggressive even though we're standing a few meters from them. "Alright, whatever. I just have to hit them until they explode, right?
"Wait, Lady Micchi—"
"Ooorraaaahhh!"
Kain calls out to me too late. Sacchan sets aflame as I swing down hard on the closest slime only for my bat to bounce off. Ripples spread across the slime's body, seemingly unaffected by the hit and the fire.
"What the fuck?"
"I tried to warn you," Kain rubs his head as though to admonish me. "Physical attacks don't work on slimes. You will have to—"
"You might want to get yourself out of trouble before telling me what's up." I point down to his legs which are being consumed by a blue slime.
"Ah. HELP— urmph…blurp… blurp!" Kain's panicked screams are cut short as he is consumed whole by the blue slime. He's trapped in its translucent body trying in vain to cut and slash his way out.
I walk up to him and tap on the slime with my bat. "Heh. Think of it this way. You're safe from that crazy enchanter."
Kain crosses his arms and glares at me, unamused.
"Alright, hold tight. I'll get ya out." I wind up Sacchan for a strike, but Kain puts his hands up in front of him, shaking his head. "What? It's only gonna hurt a little. Okay, fine."
"M-Micchi?" Loraine's distressed voice calls from behind me.
"Oh, that's right. Loraine, you can use your magic to—" I turn around in time to see two slimes enveloping her. "You, too?! Hold on, I'll get you guys out..."
Loraine is consumed in seconds, the spell in her hand fizzles out as the slimes cover her hands. The gooey lifeforms seep into her clothes, pulling the fabric loose from her skin. Seeing her breasts in broad daylight makes my nose bleed.
When I try to raise my bat, it doesn't lift. I look down to see a slime has gotten a hold of it.
"Get your filthy shit off of Sacchan!" I swing with all my might, flinging the slime off my bat and hurling it into the air.
Glup… glup…
Kain is tearing up inside the slime. He's got both hands together in prayer. I can even hear the whimpering sobs from out here. Both of my companions are running out of air. I need to think of something fast. Kain said something about them being attracted to magic.
"But I don't do magic— wait, Sacchan does." I run to the center of the field and ignite my bat, fueling it with as much rage as I can. "This is magic, right? Come and get it!"
Like moths to a flame, they start following after me. I have to be extra careful not to touch one unless I want to get stuck myself. Eventually the slimes on Kain and Loraine drop off them in favor of chasing me.
Kain yells from across the field. "Cough… cough! Lady… Micchi, be careful. You might cause them to merge!"
"What? Isn't that what we wanted?"
He shakes his head. "Yes, but not like this! If enough slimes come together they become a slime king!"
A large shadow towers over me. The dozens of slimes have merged to become one while I wasn't looking, combining into a single, enormous slime.
"Why the fuck didn't you warn me?!" I yell at the top of my lungs.
"We were stuck in a slime!"
At this rate, the slime king is just going to wreak havoc if we leave it alone. But unlike the smaller slimes, I can see the much larger core inside this one.
"Loraine!" I call out to her. She's gotten back to her feet and is running towards me. "I need you to throw lightning fireballs at me— same ones you did on the enchanted stone!"
"What for? They could seriously hurt you, and you're not wearing enchanted equipment!" Loraine stops in place, unsure of what to do.
"Just trust me!"
Loraine casts her electrified fireballs at me. I stop moving to face the slime. As the spells come roaring towards me, I take a batting stance and strike them at the slime king. Each blast carves a tunnel into its body, but it is quickly regenerating.
I sprint forward to meet it head on. "One more. This time, in front of the slime!"
Another blast flies between me and the slime king. I bat it as hard as I can, redirecting the spell into the opening. It's just deep enough to expose the slime core. I jump into the hole that's quickly engulfing me, ignite Sacchan with blue flames, and push my bat towards the core.
An inch… two inches… and finally I hit something hard.
The thick slime body collapses into something like water, soaking me and creating a shallow pool in the field.
Kain and Loraine come running to my side.
"Nice pitch," I tell her.
But Loraine seems preoccupied with something else. "You're soaked from head to toe… let's… let's get these clothes off you!"
"No, stop. Control yourself!"
***
We take the oversized slime core back to the guild and receive a hefty reward. The quest was apparently left alone for so long, many of the farmers kept piling up gold in hopes someone would take care of it. We succeeded, at the cost of losing some of my dignity.
From then on, the Cynderace Branch of the Adventurer's Guild— which has an impressive eight-five-percent success rate because it's been months since quests have been completed— began to see a gradual increase in quest success rate.