As MADAME VESANT LEFT THE SCREEN Jubal Harshaw leaned backfrom his phone. .Front,“ he said.
.Okay, Boss,“ Miriam acknowledged.
.This is one for the .Real-Experiences’ group. Specify on the cover sheet thatI want the narrator to have a sexy contralto voice-.
.Maybe I should try out for it.“.Not that sexy. Shut up. Dig out that list of null surnames we got from theCensus Bureau, pick one and put an innocent, mammalian first name with it,for the pen name. A girl’s name ending in .a’-that always suggests a .C’ cup.“.Huh! And not one of us with a name ending in .a.’ Why, you louse!“.Flat-chests bunch, aren’t you? .Angela.’ Her name is .Angela.’ Title: .IMarried a Martian.’ Start: All my life I had longed to become an astronaut.
Paragraph. When I was just a tiny thing, with freckles on my nose and starsin my eyes, I saved box tops just as my brothers did-and cried when Mummywouldn’t let me wear my Space Cadet helmet to bed. Paragraph. In thosecarefree childhood days I did not dream to what strange, bittersweet fate mytomboy ambition would-.
.Boss!“.Yes, Dorcas?“.Here come two more loads.“Jubal got up from the telephone chair. .Hold for continuation. Miriam, sitdown at the phone.“ He went to the window, saw the two air cars Dorcas hadspotted, decided that they could be squad cars, and might be about to landon his property. .Larry, bolt the door to this room. Anne, put on your robe.
Watch them but stand back from the window; I want them to think the houseis empty. Jill, you stick close to Mike and don’t let him make any hastymoves. Mike, you do what Jill tells you to.“.Yes, Jubal. I will do.“.Jill, don’t turn him loose unless you have to. To keep one of us from beingshot, I mean. If they bust down doors, let them-I rather hope they do. Jill, if itcomes to scratch, I’d much rather he snatched just the guns and not themen.“.Yes, Jubal.“.Make sure he understands. This indiscriminate elimination of cops hasgot to stop.“.Telephone, Boss!“.Coming.“ Jubal went unhurriedly back to the phone. .All of you stay out ofpickup. Dorcas, you can take a nap. Miriam, note down another title for later:
.I Married a Human.’ . He slid into the seat as Miriam vacated it and said,.Yes?“A blandly handsome man looked back at him. .Doctor Harshaw?“.Yes.“.Please hold on. The Secretary General will speak with you.“ The toneimplied that a genuflection was in order.
.Okay.“The screen flickered, then rebuilt in the tousled image of His Excellency theHonorable Joseph Edgerton Douglas, Secretary General of the WorldFederation of Free Nations. .Dr. Harshaw? Understand you need to speakwith me. Shoot.“.No, sir.“.Eh? But I understood-.
.Let me rephrase it precisely, Mr. Secretary. You need to speak with me.“Douglas looked surprised, then grinned. .Pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?
Well, Doctor, you have just ten seconds to prove that. I have other things todo.“.Very well, sir. I am attorney for the Man from Mars.“Douglas suddenly stopped looking tousled. .Repeat that.“.I am attorney for Valentine Michael Smith, known as the Man from Mars.
Attorney with full power. In fact, it may help to think of me as defactoAmbassador from Mars . . . in the spirit of the Larkin Decision, that is to say.“Douglas stared at him. .Man, you must be out of your mind!“.I’ve often thought so, lately. Nevertheless I am acting for the Man from Mars.
And he is prepared to negotiate.“.The Man from Mars is in Ecuador.“.Please, Mr. Secretary. This is a private conversation. He is not in Ecuador,as both of us know. Smith-the real Valentine Michael Smith, not the one whohas appeared in the newscasts-escaped from confinement-and, I should add,illegal confinement-at Bethesda Medical Center on Thursday last, incompany with Nurse Gillian Boardman. He kept his freedom and is now freeandhe will continue to keep it. If any of your large staff of assistants has toldyou anything else, then someone has been lying to you . . . which is why I amspeaking to you yourself. So that you can straighten it out.“Douglas looked very thoughtful. Someone apparently spoke to him from offscreen, but no words came over the telephone. At last he said, .Even if whatyou said were true, Doctor, you can’t be in a position to speak for youngSmith. He’s a ward of the State.“Jubal shook his head. .Impossible. The Larkin Decision.“.Now see here, as a lawyer myself, I assure you-.
.As a lawyer myself, I must follow my own opinion-and protect my client.“.You are a lawyer? I thought that you meant that you claimed to be attorneyin-fact, rather than counsellor.“.Both. You’ll find that I am an attorney at law, in good standing, and admittedto practice before the High Court. I don’t hang my shingle these days, but Iam.“ Jubal heard a dull boom from below and glanced aside. Larrywhispered, .The front door, I think. Boss- Shall Igo look?“Jubal shook his head in negation and spoke to the screen. .Mr. Secretary,while we quibble, time is running out. Even now your men-your S.S.
hooligans-are breaking into my house. It is most distasteful to be under siegein my own home. Now, for the first and last time, will you abate thisnuisance? So that we can negotiate peaceably and equitably? Or shall wefight it out in the High Court with all the stink and scandal that would ensue?“Again the Secretary appeared to speak with someone off screen. He turnedback, looking troubled. .Doctor, if the Special Service police are trying toarrest you, it is news to me. I do not see-.
.If you’ll listen closely, you’ll hear them tromping up my staircase, sir! Mike!
Anne! Come here.“ Jubal shoved his chair back to allow the camera angle toinclude three people. .Mr. Secretary General Douglas- the Man from Mars!“He did not, of course, introduce Anne, but she and her white cloak of probitywere fully in view.
Douglas stared at Smith; Smith looked back at him and seemed uneasy.
.Jubal-.
.Just a moment, Mike. Well, Mr. Secretary? Your men have broken into myhouse-I hear them pounding on my study door this moment.“ Jubal turned hishead. .Larry, unbolt the door. Let them in.“ He put a hand on Mike. .Don’t getexcited, lad, and don’t do anything unless I tell you to.“.Yes, Jubal. That man. I have know him.“.And he knows you.“ Over his shoulder Jubal called out to the now opendoor, .Come in, Sergeant. Right over here.“The S.S. sergeant standing in the doorway, mob gun at the ready, did notcome in. Instead he called out, .Major! Here they are!“Douglas said, .Let me speak to the officer in charge of them, Doctor.“ Againhe spoke off screen.
Jubal was relieved to see that the major for whom the sergeant had shoutedshowed up with his sidearm still in its holster; Mike’s shoulder had beentrembling under Jubal’s hand ever since the sergeant’s gun had come intoview-and, while Jubal lavished no fraternal love on these troopers, he did notwant Smith to display his powers . . . and cause awkward questions.
The major glanced around the room. .You’re Jubal Harshaw?“.Yes. Come over here. Your boss wants you.“.None of that. You come along. I’m also looking for-.
.Come here! The Secretary General himself wants a word with you- on thisphone.“The S.S. major looked startled, then came on into the study, around Jubal’sdesk, and in sight of the screen-looked at it, suddenly came smartly toattention and saluted. Douglas nodded. .Name, rank, and duty.“.Sir, Major C. D. Bloch, Special Service Squadron Cheerio, MarylandEnclave Barracks.“.Now tell me what you are doing where you are, and why.“.Sir, that’s rather complicated. I-.
.Then unravel it for me. Speak up, Major.“.Yes, sir. I came here pursuant to orders. You see-.
.I don’t see.“.Well, sir, about an hour and a half ago a flying squad was sent here to makeseveral arrests. They didn’t report in when they should have and when wecouldn’t raise them by radio, I was sent with the reserve squad to find themand render assistance as needed.“.Whose orders?“.Uh, the Commandant’s, sir.“.And did you find them?“.No, sir. Not a trace of them.“Douglas looked at Harshaw. .Counsellor, did you see anything of anothersquad, earlier?“.It’s no part of my duties to keep track of your servants, Mr. Secretary.
Perhaps they got the wrong address. Or simply got lost.“.That is hardly an answer to my question.“.You are correct, sir. I am not being interrogated. Nor will I be, other than bydue process. I am acting for my client; I am not nursemaid to theseuniformed, uh, persons. But I suggest, from what I have seen of them, thatthey might not be able to find a pig in a bath tub.“.Mmm ... possibly. Major, round up your men and return. I’ll confirm that viachannels.“.Yes, sir!“ The major saluted.
.Just a moment!“ Harshaw said sharply. .These men broke into my house. Idemand to see their warrant.“.Oh. Major, show him your search warrant.“Major Bloch turned brick red. .Sir, the officer ahead of me had the warrants.
Captain Heinrich. The one who’s missing.“Douglas stared at him. .Young man ... do you mean to stand there and tellme that you broke into a citizen’s home without a Warrant?“.But- Sir, you don’t understand! There was a warrant-there are warrants. Isaw them. But, of course, Captain Heinrich took them with him. Sir.“Douglas just looked at him. .Get on back. Place yourself under arrest whenyou get there. I’ll see you later.“.Yes, sir.“.Hold it,“ Harshaw demanded. .Under the circumstances I shan’t let himleave. I exercise my right to make a citizen’s arrest. I shall take him down andcharge him in this township and have him placed in our local lockup. .Armedbreaking and entering.’“Douglas blinked thoughtfully. .Is this necessary, sir?“.I think it is. These fellows seem to be awfully hard to find when you wantthem-so I don’t want to let this one leave our local jurisdiction. Why, asidefrom the serious criminal charges, I haven’t even had opportunity to assessthe damage to my property.“.You have my assurance, sir, that you will be fully compensated.“.Thank you, sir. But what is to prevent another uniformed joker from comingalong twenty minutes from now, perhaps this time with a warrant? Why, hewouldn’t even need to break down the door! My castle stands violated, opento any intruder. Mr. Secretary, only the few precious moments of delayafforded by my Once-stout door kept this scoundrel from dragging me awaybefore I could reach you by telephone . . . and you heard him say that therewas still another like him at large-with, so he says, warrants.“.Doctor, I assure you that I know nothing of any such warrant.“.Warrants, sir. He said .warrants for several arrests.’ Though perhaps a betterterm would be .lettres de cachet.’“.That’s a serious imputation.“.This is a serious matter. You see what has already been done to me.“.Doctor, I know nothing of these warrants, if they exist. But I give you mypersonal assurance that I will look into it at once, find Out why they wereissued, and act as the merits of the matter may appear. Can I say more?“.You can say a great deal more, sir. I can reconstruct exactly why thosewarrants were issued. Some one in your service, in an excess of zeal,caused a pliant judge to issue them . . . for the purpose of seizing thepersons of myself and my guests in order to question us, safely out of yoursight. Out of anyone’s sight, sir! We will discuss all issues with you but we willnot be questioned by such as this creature-. Jubal hooked a thumb at theS.S. major .-in some windowless back room! Sir, I hope for, and expect,justice at your hands . . . but if those warrants are not canceled at once, if Iam not assured by you personally beyond any possibility of quibble that theMan from Mars, Nurse Boardman, and myself will be left undisturbed in ourpersons, free to come and go, then-. Jubal stopped and shrugged helplessly.
.-I must seek a champion elsewhere. There are, as you know, persons andpowers outside the administration who hold deep interest in the affairs of theMan from Mars.“.You threaten me.“.No, sir. I plead with you. I have come to you first. We wish to negotiate. Butwe cannot speak easily while we are being hounded. I beg of you, sir-call offyour dogs!“Douglas glanced down, looked up again. .Those warrants, if any, will not beserved. As soon as I. can track them down they will be canceled.“.Thank you, sir.“Douglas glanced at Major Bloch. .You still insist on booking him locally?“Jubal looked at him contemptuously. .Him? Oh, let him go, he’s merely a foolin uniform. And let’s forget the damages, too. You and I have more seriousmatters to discuss.“.You may go, Major.“ The S.S. officer saluted and left very abruptly. Douglascontinued, .Counsellor, it is my thought that we now need conversations faceto face. The matters you raise can hardly be settled over the telephone.“.I agree.“.You and your, uh, client will be my guests at the Palace. I’ll send my yacht topick you up. Can you be ready in an hour?“Harshaw shook his head. .Thank you, Mr. Secretary. But that won’t benecessary. We’ll sleep here . . . and when it comes time to meet I’ll dig up adog sled, or something. No need to send your yacht.“Mr. Douglas frowned. .Come, Doctor! As you yourself pointed out, theseconversations will be quasi-diplomatic in nature. In proffering proper protocolI have, in effect, conceded this. Therefore I must be allowed to provide officialhospitality.“.Well, sir, I might point out that my client has had entirely too much officialhospitality already-he had the Devil’s own time getting shut of it.“Douglas’ face became rigid. .Sir, are you implying-.
.I’m not implying anything. I’m simply saying that Smith has been throughquite a lot and is not used to high-level ceremony. He’ll sleep sounder here,where he feels at home. And so shall I. I am a crochety old man, sir, and Iprefer my own bed. Or I might point out that our talks may break down andmy client and I would be forced to look elsewhere-in which case I would findit embarrassing to be a guest under your roof.“The Secretary General looked very grim. .Threats again. I thought youtrusted me, sir? And I distinctly heard you say that you were .ready tonegotiate.’“.I do trust you, sir.“ (-about as far as I could throw a fit!) .And we are indeedready to negotiate. But I use .negotiate’ in its original sense, not in this new-fangled meaning of .appeasement.’ However, we intend to be reasonable.
But we can’t start talks at once in any case; we’re shy one factor and wemust wait. How long, I don’t know.“.What do you mean?“.We expect the administration to be represented at these talks by whateverdelegation you choose-and we have the same privilege.“.Surely. But let’s keep it small. I shall handle this myself, with only anassistant or two. The Solicitor General, I think . . . and our experts in spacelaw. But to transact business you require a small group-the smaller thebetter.“.Most certainly. Our group will be small Smith himself-myself-I’ll bring aFair Witness-.
.Oh, come now!“.A Witness does not slow things up. I suggest you retain one also. We’ll haveone or two others perhaps-but we lack one key man. I have firm instructionsfrom my client that a fellow named Ben Caxton must be present . . . and Ican’t find the beggar.“Jubal, having spent hours of most complex maneuvering in order to toss inthis one remark, now waited with his best poker face to see what wouldhappen. Douglas stared at him. 0 .Ben Caxton?’ Surely you don’t mean thatcheap winchell?“.The Ben Caxton I refer to is a newspaperman. He has a column with oneof the syndicates.“.Absolutely out of the question!“Harshaw shook his head. .Then that’s all, Mr. Secretary. My instructions arefirm and give me no leeway. I’m sorry to have wasted your time. I beg to beexcused now.“ He reached out as if to switch off the phone.
.Hold it.“.Sir?“.Don’t cut that circuit; I’m not through speaking to you!“.I most humbly beg the Secretary General’s pardon. We will, of course, waituntil he excuses us.“.Yes, yes, but never mind the formality. Doctor, do you read the tripe thatcomes out of this Capitol labeled as news?“.Good Heavens, not“.I wish I didn’t have to. It’s preposterous to talk about having a journalistpresent at these talks in any case. We’ll let them in later, after everything issettled. But even if we were to have any of them present, Caxton would notbe one of them. The man is utterly poisonous . . . a keyhole sniffer of theworst sort.“.Mr. Secretary, we have no objection to the full glare of publicity throughout.
In fact, we shall insist on it.“.Ridiculous!“.Possibly. But I serve my client as I think best. If we reach agreementaffecting the Man from Mars and the planet which is his home, I want everyperson on this planet to have opportunity to know exactly how it was doneand what was agreed. Contrariwise, if we fail to agree, people must hear howand where the talks broke down. There will be no star chamber proceedings,Mr. Secretary.“.Damn it, man, I wasn’t speaking of a star chamber and you know it! I simplymeant quiet, orderly talks without our elbows being jostled!“.Then let the press in, sir, through their cameras and microphones but withtheir feet and elbows outside. Which reminds me-we will be interviewed, myclient and I, over one of the networks later today-and I shall announce thatwe want full publicity on these coming talks.“.What? You mustn’t give out interviews now-why, that’s contrary to the wholespirit of this discussion.“.I can’t see that it is. We won’t discuss this private conversation, of coursebutare you suggesting that a private citizen must have your permission tospeak to the press?“.No, of course not, but-.
.I’m afraid it’s too late, in any case. The arrangements have all been madeand the only way you could stop it now would be by sending more carloads ofyour thugs-with or without warrants. But I’m afraid they would be too late,even so. My only reason for mentioning it is that it occurs to me that youmight wish to give out a news release-in advance of this coming interviewtellingthe public that the Man from Mars has returned from his retreat in theAndes . . . and is now vacationing in the Poconos. So as to avoid anypossible appearance that the government was taken by surprise. You followme?“.I follow you-quite well.“ The Secretary General stared silently at Harshaw forseveral moments, then said, .Please wait.“ He left the screen entirely.
Harshaw motioned Larry to him while he reached up with his other hand andcovered the telephone’s sound pickup. .Look, son,“ he whispered, .with thattransceiver out I’m bluffing on a busted flush. I don’t know whether he’s left toissue that news release I suggested . . . or has gone to set the dogs on usagain while he keeps me tied up on the phone. And I won’t know, either way.
You high tail it out of here, get Tom Mackenzie on the phone, and tell himthat if be doesn’t get the setup here working at once, he’s going to miss thebiggest story since the Fall of Troy. Then be careful coming home-there maybe cops crawling out of the cracks.“.Got it. But how do I call Mackenzie?“.Uh-. Douglas was just sitting back down on screen. .Speak to Miriam.
Git.“.Dr. Harshaw, I took your suggestion. A news release much as you worded it. . . plus a few substantiating details.“ Douglas smiled warmly in a goodsimulation of his homespun public persona. .And there is no use in halfmeasures. I can see that, if you insist on publicity, there is no way to stopyou, foolish as it is to hold exploratory talks in public. So I added to therelease that the administration had arranged to discuss future interplanetaryrelations with the Man from Mars-as soon as he had rested from his trip-andwould do so publicly . . . quite publicly.“ His smile became chilly and hestopped looking like good old Joe Douglas.
Harshaw grinned jovially, in honest admiration-why, the old thief hadmanaged to roll with the punch and turn a defeat into a coup for theadministration. .That’s just perfect, Mr. Secretary! Much better if such matterscome officially from the government. We’ll back you right down the line!“.Thank you. Now about this Caxton person- Letting the press in does notapply to him. He can Sit at home, watch it over stereovision, and make up hislies from that-and no doubt he will. But he will not be present at the talks. I’msorry. No.“.Then there will be no talks. Mr. Secretary, no matter what you have toldthe press.“.I don’t believe you understand me, Counsellor. This man is offensive to me.
Personal privilege.“.You are correct, sir. It is a matter of personal privilege.“.Then we’ll say no more about it.“.You misunderstand me. It is indeed personal privilege. But not yours.
Smith’s.“.You are privileged to select your advisers to be present at these talks -andyou can fetch the Devil himself and we shall not complain. Smith is privilegedto select his advisers and have them present. If Caxton is not present, we willnot be there. In fact, you will find us across the street, at some quite differentconference. One where you won’t be welcome, Even if you speak fluentHindi. Now do you understand me?“There was a long silence, during which Harshaw thought clinically that a manof Douglas’ age really should not indulge in such evident rage. Douglas didnot leave the screen but he consulted offscreen and silently. At last hespoke-to the Man from Mars.
Mike had stayed on screen the whole time, as silently and at least aspatiently as the Witness. Douglas said to him, .Smith, why do you insist onthis ridiculous condition?“Harshaw put a hand on Mike and said instantly, .Don’t answer, Mike!“ -thento Douglas: .Tut, tut, Mr. Secretary! The Canons, please! You may notinquire why my client has instructed me. And let me add that the Canons areviolated with exceptional grievance in that my client has but lately learnedEnglish and cannot be expected to hold his own against you. If you will firsttake the trouble to learn Martian, I may permit you to put the question again .
. . in his language. Or I may not. But certainly not today.“Douglas sighed. .Very well. It might be pertinent to inquire into what Canonsyou have played fast and loose with, too-but I haven’t time; I have agovernment to run. I yield. But don’t expect me to shake hands with thisCaxton!“.As you wish, sir. Now back to the first point. We are held up. I haven’t beenable to find Caxton. His office says that he is out of town.“Douglas laughed. .That’s hardly my problem. You insisted on a privilege-oneI find personally offensive. Bring whom you like. But round them up yourself.“.Reasonable, sir, very reasonable. But would you be willing to do the Manfrom Mars a favor?“.Eh? What favor?“.The talks will not begin until Caxton is located-that is flat and is not subjectto argument. But I have not been able to find him . . . and my client is gettingrestive. I am merely a private citizen . . . but you have resources.“.What do you mean?“.Some minutes ago I spoke rather disparagingly of the Special Servicesquadrons-check it off to the not unnatural irk of a man who has just had hisfront door broken down. But in truth I know that they can be amazinglyefficient . . . and they have the ready cooperation of police forceseverywhere, local, state, national, and all Federation departments andbureaus. Mr. Secretary, if you were to call in your S.S. Commandant and tellhim that you were anxious to locate a certain man as quickly as was humanlypossible-well, sir, it would produce more meaningful activity in the next hourthan I myself could hope to produce in a century.“.Why on Earth should I alert all police forces everywhere to find one scandalmongeringreporter?“.Not .on Earth,’ my dear sir-on Mars. I asked you to regard this as a favor tothe Man from Mars.“.Well ...it’s a preposterous request but I’ll go along.“ Douglas looked directlyat Mike. .As a favor to Smith, only. But I shall expect similar cooperationwhen we get down to cases.“.You have my assurance that it will ease the situation enormously.“.Well, I can’t promise anything. You say the man is missing. If he is, he mayhave fallen in front of a truck; he may be dead-and I, for one, would notmourn.“Harshaw looked very grave. .Let us hope not, for all of our sakes.“.Oh, I shall!“ Jill let go of Harshaw, put her arms around the Man from Mars.
.Such wonderful lies, Jubal!“ She kissed Mike.
.Son,“ he said, .you continue to amaze me. I would have expected that tocause you to curl up in one of your faints.“.I so did,“ Mike answered seriously, without letting go of Jill, .on the firstkissing time.“.Well! Congratulations, Jill. A.C., or D.C.?“She looked at Harshaw. .Jubal, you’re a tease but I love you anyhow andrefuse to let you get my goat. Mike got a little upset once-but no longer, asyou can see.“.Yes,“ Mike agreed, .it is a goodness. For water brothers it is a growingcloser.
I will show you. Yes?“ He let go of Jill.
Jubal hastily put up a palm. .No.“.No?“.Don’t be hurt. But you would be disappointed, son. It’s a growingcloser forwater brothers only if they are young girls and pretty-such as Jill.“.What do you mean?“.I’ve tried to point out that sad possibility to my client-but it is like shoutinginto the wind. He simply won’t listen to the idea.“ Harshaw sighed. .Ashambles, sir. If we can’t find this Caxton, that is what we will both have onour bands: a shambles.“.Well, I’ll try. But don’t expect miracles, Doctor.“.Not I, sir. My client. He has the Martian viewpoint ... and he does expectmiracles. So let’s pray for one.“.You’ll hear from me. That’s all I can say.“Harshaw bowed without getting up. .Your servant, sir.“As the Secretary General’s image cleared from the screen Jubal sighed andstood up, and at once found Gillian’s arms around his neck. .Oh, Jubal, youwere wonderful!“.We aren’t out of the woods yet, child.“.I know. But if anything can save Ben, you’ve just done it.“ She kissed him.
.Hey, none of that stuff’! I swore off smooching before you were born. Sokindly show respect for my years.“ He kissed her carefully and thoroughly.
.That’s just to take the taste of Douglas out of my mouth- between kickinghim and kissing him I was getting nauseated. Now go smooch Mike instead.
He deserves it-for holding still to my damned lies.“.My brother Jubal, you speak rightly?“.I speak very rightly. Kiss girls all you want to-it beats the hell Out ofcard games.“.Beg pardon?“.It’s a fine way to grow closer ... but just with girls. Hmmm . . Jubal lookedaround the room. .I wonder if that first-time phenomenon would repeat?
Dorcas, I want your help in a scientific experiment.“.Boss, I am not a guinea pig! You go to hell.“.In due course, I shall. Don’t be difficult, girl; Mike has no communicablediseases, or I wouldn’t let him use the pool-which reminds me: Miriam, whenLarry gets back, tell him I want the pool drained and refilled tonight-we’rethrough with murkiness, Well, Dorcas?“.How do you know it would be our first time?“ .Mmm, there’s that. Mike, haveyou ever kissed Dorcas?“.No, Jubal. Only today did I learn that Dorcas is my water brother.“.She is?“.Yes. Dorcas and Anne and Miriam and Larry. They are your waterbrothers, my brother Jubal.“.Mmm, yes. Correct in essence.“.Yes. It is essence, the grokking-not sharing of water. I speak rightly?“.Very rightly, Mike.“.They are your water brothers.“ Mike paused to think words. .In catenativeassemblage, they are my brothers.“ Mike looked at Dorcas. .For brothers,growing-closer is good. But I did not know.“Jubal said, .Well, Dorcas?“.Huh? Oh, Heavens! Boss, you’re the world’s worst tease. But Mike isn’tteasing. He’s sweet.“ She walked up to him, stood on tiptoes, and held up herarms. .Kiss me, Mike.“Mike did. For some seconds they .grew closer.“Dorcas fainted.
Jubal spotted it and kept her from falling, Mike being far too inexperienced tocope with it. Then Jill had to speak sharply to Mike to keep him fromtrembling into withdrawal when he saw what had happened to Dorcas.
Luckily Dorcas came out of it shortly and was able to reassure Mike that shewas all right, that she had indeed .grown closer“ and would happily growcloser again-but she needed to catch her breath. .Whew!“Miriam had watched round-eyed. .I wonder if I dare risk it?“Anne said, .By seniority, please. Boss, are you through with me as aWitness?“.For the time being, at least.“.Then hold my cloak.“ She slipped out of it. .Want to bet on it?“.Which way?“.I’ll give you seven-to-two I don’! faint-but I wouldn’t mind losing.“.Done.“.Dollars, not hundreds. Mike dear ... let’s grow lots closer.“In time Anne was forced to give up through simple hypoxia, although Mike,with his Martian training, could have gone without oxygen much longer. Shegasped for air and said, .I don’t think I was Set just right. Boss, I’m going togive you another chance for your money.“She started to offer her face again but Miriam tapped her on theshoulder. .Out.“.Don’t be so eager.“.’Out,’ I said. The foot of the line for you, wench,“ Miriam insisted.
.Oh, well!“ Anne pecked Mike hastily and gave way. Miriam moved in, smiledat him, and said nothing. It was not necessary; they grew close andcontinued to grow closer.
.Front!“Miriam looked around. .Boss, can’t you see I’m busy?“.All right, all right! But get out of the pickup angle-I’ll answer the phonemyself.“.Honest, I didn’t even hear it.“.Obviously. But for a while we’ve got to pretend to a modicum of dignityaround here-it might be the Secretary General. So get out of range.“But it was Mr. Mackenzie. .Jubal, what in the devil is going on?“.Trouble?“.A short while ago I got a wild phone call from a young man claiming to speakfor you who urged me to drop everything and get cracking, because you’vefinally got something for me. Since I had already ordered a mobile unit toyour place-.
.Never got here.“.I know. They called in, after wandering around somewhere north of you. Ourdespatcher straightened them out and they should be there any momentnow. I tried twice to call you and your circuit was busy. What have I missed?“.Nothing yet.“ Jubal considered it. Damnation, he should have had someonemonitor the babble box. Had Douglas actually made that news release? WasDouglas committed? Or would a new passel of cops show up? While the kidsplayed post office! Jubal, you’re getting senile. .I’m not sure that there’s goingto be, just yet. Has there been anything special in the way of a news flashthis past hour?“.Why, no-oh, one item: the Palace announced that the Man from Mars hadreturned north and was vacationing in the-Jubal! Are you mixed up in that?“.Just a moment. Mike, come to the phone. Anne, grab your robe.“.Got it, Boss.“.Mr. Mackenzie-meet the Man from Mars.“Mackenzie’s jaw dropped, then his professional reflexes came to his aid.
.Hold it. Just hold it right there and let me get a camera on this! We’ll pick itup in flat, right off the phone-and we’ll repeat in stereo just as quick as thosejokers of mine get there. Jubal, I’m safe on this? You wouldn’t- You wouldn’t-.
.Would I swindle you with a Fair Witness at my elbow? Yes, I would, ifnecessary. But I’m not forcing this interview on you. Matter of fact, we shouldwait and tie in Argus and Trans-Planet.“.Jubal! You can’t do this to me.“.And I won’t. The agreement with all of you was to monitor what the camerassaw . . . when I signalled. And use it if it was newsworthy. But! didn’t promisenot to give out interviews in addition to that-and New World can have thisinterview, oh, say thirty minutes ahead of Argus and Trans-P . . . if you wantit.“ Jubal added, .Not only did you loan us all the equipment for the tie-in, butyou’ve been very helpful personally, Tom. I can’t express how helpful you’vebeen.“.You mean, uh, that telephone number?“.Correct!“.And it got results?“.It did. But no questions about that, Tom. Not on the air. Ask me privatelynextyear.“.Oh, I wouldn’t think of it. You keep your lip buttoned and I’ll keep mine. Nowdon’t go away-.
.One more thing. That spool of messages you’re holding for me against thesame signal. Make damn sure they don’t go out. Send them back to me.“.Eh? All right, all right-I’ve been keeping them in my desk, you were so fussyabout it. Jubal, I’ve got a camera on this phone screen right now. Can westart?“.Shoot.“.And I’m going to do this one myself!“ Mackenzie turned his face away andapparently looked at the camera. .flash news! This is your NWNW reporteron the spot while its hot! The Man from Mars has just phoned you right herein your local station and wants to talk to you! Cut. Monitor, insert flash-newsplug and acknowledgment to sponsor. Jubal, anything special I should askhim?“.Don’t ask him questions about South America-he’s not a tourist. Swimmingis your safest subject. You can ask me about his future plans.“.Okay. End of cut. Friends, you are now face to face and voice to voice withValentine Michael Smith, the Man from Mars! As NWNW, always first with theburst, told you earlier, Mr. Smith has just returned from his solitary retreathigh in the Andes-and we welcome him back! Wave to your friends, Mr.
Smith-.
(.Wave at the telephone, son. Smile and wave at it.“).Thank you, Valentine Michael Smith. We’re all happy to see you looking sohealthy and tan. I understand that you have been gathering strength bylearning to swim?“.Boss! Visitors. Or something.“.Cut before interruption-after the word .swim.’ What the hell, Juhal?“.I’ll have to see. Jill, ride herd on Mike again-it might be GeneralQuarters.“But it was not. It was the NWNW mobile stereovision unit landing- and againrose bushes were damaged-Larry returning from phoning Mackenzie fromthe village, and Duke, returning. Mackenzie decided to finish the flat black &white interview quickly, since he was now assured of depth and color throughhis mobile unit, and in the meantime its technical crew could check thetrouble with the equipment on loan to Jubal. Larry and Duke went with them.
The interview was finished with inanities, Jubal fielding any questions Mikefailed to understand; Mackenzie signed off with a promise to the public that acolor & depth special interview with the Man from Mars would follow in thirtyminutes. .Stay synched with this station!“ He stayed on the phone and waitedfor his technicians to report.
Which the crew boss did, almost at once: .Nothing wrong with thattransceiver, Mr. Mackenzie, nor with any part of this field setup.“.Then what was wrong with it before?“The technician glanced at Larry and Duke, then grinned. .Nothing. But ithelps quite a bit to put power through it. The breaker was open at the board.“Harshaw intervened to stop a wrangle between Larry and Duke, one whichseemed concerned with the relative merits of various sorts of idiocy morethan with the question of whether Duke had, or had not, told Larry that acertain tripped circuit breaker must be reset if it was anticipated that theboirowed equipment was going to be used. The showman’s aspect of Jubal’spersonality regretted that the .finest unrehearsed spectacular since Elijahbested the Priests of Baal“ had been missed by the cameras. But the politicalfinagler in him was relieved that mischance had kept Mike’s curious talentsstill a close secret-Jubal anticipated that he still might need them, as a secretweapon . . . not to mention the undesirability of trying to explain to skepticalstrangers the present whereabouts of certain policemen plus two squad cars.
As for the rest, it merely confirmed his own conviction that science andinvention had reached its peak with the Model-T Ford and had been growingsteadily more decadent ever since. And besides, Mackenzie wanted to get onwith the depth & color interview- They got through that with a minimum ofrehearsing, Jubal simply making sure that no question would be asked whichcould upset the public fiction that the Man from Mars had just returned fromSouth America. Mike sent greetings to his friends and brothers of theChampion, including one to Dr. Mahmoud delivered in croaking, throatrasping Martian Jubal decided that Mackenzie had his money’s worth.
At last the household could quiet down. Jubal set the telephone for two hoursrefusal, stood up, stretched, sighed, and felt a great weariness, wondered ifhe were getting old. .Where’s dinner? Which one of you wenches wassupposed to get dinner tonight? And why didn’t you? Gad, this household isfalling to wrack and ruin!“.It was my turn to get dinner tonight,“ Jill answered, .but-.
.Excuses, always excuses.“.Boss,“ Anne interrupted sharply, .how do you expect anyone to cook whenyou’ve kept every single one of us penned up here in your study allafternoon?“.That’s the moose’s problem,“ Jubal said dourly. .I want it clearly understoodthat, even if Armageddon is held on these premises I expect meals to be hotand on time right up to the ultimate trump. Furthermore-.
.Furthermore,“ Anne completed, .it is now only seven-forty and plenty of timeto have dinner by eight. So quit yelping, Boss, until you have something toyelp about. Cry-baby.“.Is it really only twenty minutes of eight? Seems like a week since lunch.
Anyhow ~OU haven’t left me a civilized amount of time to have a pre-dinnerdrink.“.Poor you?’
.Somebody get me a drink. Get everybody a drink. On second thought let’sskip a formal dinner tonight and drink our dinners; I feel like getting as tightas a tent rope on a rainy day. Anne, how are we fixed for smorgasbord?“.Plenty.“.Then why not thaw out eighteen or nineteen kinds and spread .em aroundand let anybody eat what he feels like when he feels like it? What’s all theargument about?“.Right away,“ agreed Jill.
Anne stopped to kiss him on his bald spot. .Boss, you’ve done nobly. We’llfeed you and get you drunk and put you to bed. Wait, Jill, I’m going to help.“.I may to help, too?“ Smith said eagerly.
.Sure, Mike. You can carry trays. Boss, dinner will be by the pool. It’s ahot night.“.How else?“ When they had left, Jubal said to Duke, .Where the hellhave you been all day?“.Thinking.“.Doesn’t pay to. Just makes you discontented with what you seearound you. Any results?“.Yes,“ said Duke, .I’ve decided that what Mike eats, or doesn’t eat, isno business of mine.“.Congratulations. A desire not to butt into other people’s business is at leasteighty percent of all human .wisdom . . . and the other twenty percent isn’tvery important.“.You butt into other people’s business. All the time.“.Who said I was Wise? I’m a professional bad example. You can learn a lotby watching me. Or listening to me. Either one.“.Jubal, if I walked up to Mike and offered him a glass of water, do yousuppose he would go through that lodge routine?“.I feel certain that he would. Duke, almost the only human characteristic Mikeseems to possess is an 0verwhelming desire to be liked. But I want to makesure that you know how Serious it is to him. Much more serious than gettingmarried. I myself accepted water brotherhood with Mike before I understoodit-and I’ve become more and more deeply entangled with its responsibilitiesthe more I’ve grokked it. You’ll be committing yourself never to lie to him,never to mislead or deceive him in any way, to stick by him come what maybecausethat is just what he will do with you. Better think about it.“.I have been thinking about it, all day. Jubal, there’s something about Mikethat makes you want to take care of him.“.I know. You’ve probably never encountered complete honesty before -Iknow I hadn’t. Innocence. Mike has never tasted the fruit of the Tree ofKnowledge of Good and Evil . . . so we, who have, don’t understand whatmakes him tick. Well, on your own head be it. I hope you never regret it.“Jubal looked up. .Oh, there you are! I thought you had stopped to distill thestuff.“Larry answered, .Couldn’t find a cork screw, at first.“.Machinery again. Why didn’t you bite the neck off? Duke, you’ll find someglasses stashed behind The Anatomy of Melancholy up there-.
.I know where you hide them.“.-and we’ll all have a quick one, neat, before we get down to seriousdrinking.“ Duke got the glasses; Jubal poured and held up his own. .Thegolden sunshine of Italy congealed into tears. Here’s to alcoholic brotherhood. . . much more suited to the frail human soul, if any, than any other sort.“.Health.“.Cheers.“Jubal poured his slowly down his throat. .Ah~“ he said happily, and belched.
.Offer some of that to Mike, afterwards, Duke, and let him learn how good itis to be human. Makes me feel creative. Front! Why are those girls neveraround when I need them? Ftvnt!!“.I’m still .Front,’ . Miriam answered, at the door, .but-.
.I know. And I was saying: .-to what strange, bittersweet fate my tomboyambition-.“.But I finished that story while you were chatting on the telephone with theSecretary General.“.Then you are no longer .Front.’ Send it off.“.Don’t you want to read it first? Anyhow, I’ve got to revise it- kissing Mikegave me a new insight on it.“Jubal shuddered. .Read it?’ Good God, no! It’s bad enough to write such athing. And don’t even consider revising it, certainly not to fit the facts. Mychild, a true-confession story should never be tarnished by any taint of truth.“.Okay, Boss. And Anne says if you want to come down to the pool and havea bite before you eat, come on.“.I can’t think of a better time. Shall we adjourn to the terrace, gentlemen’?“At the pool the party progressed liquidly with bits of fish and otherScandinavian high-caloric comestibles added to taste. At Jubal’s invitationMike tried brandy, somewhat cut with water. Mike found the resultingsensation extremely disquieting, so he analysed his trouble, added oxygen tothe ethanol in an inner process of reversed fermentation and converted it toglucose and water, which gave him no trouble.
Jubal had been observing with interest the effect of his first drink of liquor onthe Man from Mars-saw him become drunk almost at once, saw him sober upeven more quickly. In an attempt to understand what had happened, Jubalurged more brandy on Mike-which he readily accepted since his waterbrother offered it. Mike sopped up an extravagant quantity of fine importedliquor before Jubal was willing to concede that it was impossible to get himdrunk.
Such was not the case with Jubal, despite his years of pickling; stayingsociable with Mike during the experiment dulled the edge of his wits. So,when he attempted to ask Mike what he had done, Mike thought that he wasinquiring about the events during the raid by the S.S.-concerfling which Mikestill felt latent guilt. He tried to explain and, if needed, receive Jubal’s pardon.
Jubal interrupted when at last he figured out what the boy was talking about.
.Son, I don’t want to know what you did, nor how you did it. What you did wasjust what was needed-perfect, just perfect. But-. He blinked owlishly. .-don’ttell me about it. Don’t ever tell anybody about it.“.Not?“.’Not.’ It was the damnedest thing I’ve seen since my uncle with the twoheads debated free silver and triumphantly refuted himself. An explanationwould spoil it.“.I do not grok rightly?“.Nor do I. So let’s not worry and have another drink.“Reporters and other newsmen started arriving while the party was stillclimbing. Jubal received each of them with courteous dignity, invited them toeat, drink, and relax-but to refrain from badgering himself or the Man fromMars.
Those who failed to heed his injunction were tossed into the pool.
At first Jubal kept Larry and Duke at flank to administer the baptism asnecessary. But, while some of the unfortunate importunates became angryand threatened various things which did not interest Jubal (other than tocaution Mike not to take any steps), others relaxed to the inevitable andadded themselves to the dousing squad on a volunteer basis, with the fanaticenthusiasm of proselytes-Jubal had to stop them from ducking the doyenlippmann of the New York Times for a third time.
During the evening Dorcas came out of the house, sought out Jubal andwhispered in his ear: .Telephone, Boss. For you.“.Take a message.“.You must answer it, Boss.“.I’ll answer it with an ax! Duke, get me an ax. I’ve been intending to get rid ofthat Iron Maiden for some time-and tonight I’m in the mood for it.“.Boss ... you want to answer this one. It’s the man you spoke to for quite along time this afternoon.“.Oh. Why didn’t you say so?“ Jubal lumbered upstairs, made sure his studydoor was bolted behind him, went to the phone. Another of Douglas’ sleekacolytes was on the screen but was replaced quickly by Douglas. .It took youlong enough to answer your phone.“.It’s my phone, Mr. Secretary. Sometimes I don’t answer it at all.“.So it would seem. Why didn’t you tell me that this Caxton fellow is analcoholic?“.Is he?“.He certainly is! He isn’t missing-not in the usual sense. He’s been off on oneof his periodic benders. He was located, sleeping it off, in a fleabag inSonora.“.I’m glad to hear that he has been found. Thank you, sir.“.He’s been picked up on a technical charge of .vagrancy.’ The charge won’tbe pressed-instead we are releasing him to you.“.I am very much in your debt, sir.“.Oh, it’s not entirely a favor! I’m having him delivered to you in the state inwhich he was found-filthy, unshaven, and, I understand, smelling like abrewery. I want you to see for yourself what sort of a tramp he is.“.Very well, sir. When may I expect him?“.Almost at once, I fancy. A courier arrow left Nogales some time ago. AtMach three or better it should be overhead soon. The pilot has instructions todeliver him to you and get a receipt.“.He shall have it.“.Now, Counsellor ... having delivered him, I wash my hands of it. I shallexpect you, and your client, to appear for talks whether you fetch along thatdrunken libeller or not.“.Agreed. When?“.Shall we say tomorrow at ten? Here.“.’Twere best done quickly.’ Agreed.“Jubal went back downstairs and paused at his broken door. .Jill! Comehere, child.“.Yes, Jubal.“ She trotted toward him, a reporter in close formation with her.
Jubal waved the man back. .Private,“ he said firmly. .Family matter. Gohave a drink.“.Whose family?“.A death in yours, if you insist. Scat!“ The newsman grinned and accepted it.
Jubal leaned over Gillian and said softly, .It worked. He’s safe.“.Ben?“.Yes. He’ll be here soon.“.Oh, Jubal!“ She started to bawl.
He took her shoulders. .Stop it,“ he said firmly. .Go inside and lock your dooruntil you get control of yourself. This is not for the press.“.Yes, Jubal. Yes, Boss.“.That’s better. Go cry in your pillow, then wash your face.“ He went on out tothe pool. .Quiet everybody! Quite! I have an announcement to make. We’veenjoyed having you-but the party is over.“.Boo!“.Toss him in the pool, somebody. I’ve got work to do early tomorrow morning,I’m an old man and I need my rest, And so does my family. Please leavequietly and as quickly as possible. Black coffee for any who need it-but that’sall. Duke, cork those bottles. Girls, clear the food away.“There was minor grumbling, but the more responsible quieted theircolleagues. In ten minutes they were alone.
In twenty minutes Ben Caxton arrived. The S.S. officer commanding thecourier car silently accepted Harshaw’s signature and thumb print on aprepared receipt, then left at once while Jill continued to sob on Ben’sshoulder.
Jubal looked him over in the light from the pool. .Ben, you’re a mess. I hearyou’ve been drunk for a week-and you look it.“Ben cursed, fluently and well, while continuing to pat Jill’s back.
.’M drunk, awri’-but haven’ had a drink.“.What happened?“.I don’t know. I don’t know!“An hour later Ben’s stomach had been pumped out (alcohol and gastricjuices, no food); Jubal had given him shots to offset alcohol and barbiturates;he was bathed, shaved, dressed in clean clothes that did not fit him, had metthe Man from Mars, and was sketchily brought up to date, while ingestingmilk and bland food.
But he was unable to bring them up to date. For Ben, the past week had nothappened-he had become unconscious in a taxicab in Washington; he hadbeen shaken into drunken wakefulness two hours earlier. .Of course I knowwhat happened. They kept me doped and in a completely dark room . . . andwrung rue out. I vaguely remember some of it. But I can’t prove anything.
And there’s the village Jefe and the madam of this dive they took me to-plus,I’m sure, plenty of other witnesses-.tO swear just how this gringo spent histime. And there’s nothing I can do about it.“.Then don’t fight it,“ Jubal advised. .Relax and be happy.“.The hell I will! I’ll get that-.
.Tut, tut! You’ve won, Ben. And you’re alive ... which I would have given longodds against, earlier today. Douglas is going to do exactly what we want himto-and smile and like it.“.I want to talk about that. I think-.
.I think you’re going to bed. Now. With a glass of warm milk to conceal OldDoe Harshaw’s Secret Ingredient for secret drinkers.“Shortly thereafter Caxton was in bed and beginning to snore. Jubal wasputtering around, heading for bed himself, and encountered Anne in theupper hall. He shook his head tiredly. .Quite a day, lass.“.Yes, quite. I wouldn’t have missed it ... and I don’t want to repeat it. You goto bed, Boss.“.In a moment. Anne, tell me something. What’s so special about the waythat lad kisses?“Anne looked dreamy and then dimpled. .You should have tried it when heinvited you to.“.I’m too old to change my ways. But I’m interested in everything about theboy. Is this actually something different, too?“Anne pondered it. .Yes.“.How?“.Mike gives a kiss his whole attention.“.Oh, rats! I do myself. Or did.“Anne shook her head. .No. Some men try to. I’ve been kissed by men whodid a very good job of it indeed. But they don’t really give kissing a womantheir whole attention. They can’t No matter how hard they try, some parts oftheir minds are on something else. Missing the last bus, maybe-Or how theirchances are for making the gal-Or their own techniques in kissing-Or maybeworry about their jobs, or money, or will husband or papa or the neighborscatch on. Or something. Now Mike doesn’t have any technique . . . but whenMike kisses you he isn’t doing anything else. Not anything. You’re his wholeuniverse for that moment and the moment is eternal because he doesn’thave any plans and he isn’t going anywhere. Just kissing you.“ She shivered.
.A woman notices. It’s overwhelming.“.Hmm-.
.Don’t .Hmm’ at me, you old lecher! You don’t understand.“.No. And I’m sorry to say I probably never will. Well, goodnight- and, oh, bythe way . . . I told Mike to bolt his door tonight.“She made a face at him. .Spoilsport!“.He’s learning quite fast enough. Mustn’t rush him.“