She felt embarrassed that Carlisle was carrying her like this, but she wasn’t in a position to protest, as her condition made it harder for her to keep her balance. While effects of the drugs had been blunted by her mental and physical training, she could not dull it completely. The more time passed, the more her body felt like cotton.
“Caril…”
She felt Carlisle looking at her. However, he did not move away and adjusted his arm to support her better.
“I’m sorry, but I’m so sleepy. Can I just close my eyes for a moment? “
“…Of course.”
Carlisle looked like he wanted to ask more questions, but Elena’s drowsiness stopped him from doing so. Elena felt like she was floating in the air.
Unintentionally, her thoughts turned back to the past. In her previous life, there was no one for her to rely on, and even in this condition she would have made every effort to return to Blaise mansion alone. She endured that lonely life entirely for the sake of revenge. As she looked back, she remembered the many times where she had no idea how to fight for her survival. She opened her mouth and started to mumble.
“A long time ago…I had frostbite on a very cold day.”
Her life became somewhat more bearable only after she developed her swordsmanship skills. Before, her life as a woman with no abilities before was a painful and difficult time.
“My feet were numb and had large blisters, and the person next to me told me he might have to cut my feet off.”
As he listened to Elena speak serenely of her severe experiences, Carlisle responded, perplexed.
“Was your life as a noblewoman that difficult?”
Carlisle’s voice sounded like a dream in Elena’s ears. Elena continued on with a hazy look in her eyes, leaning her head across Carlisle’s chest.
“But the funny thing is, my first thought was–would that free me from my mission of revenge?”
Sometimes the path she had chosen was so painful and demanding that she wanted to escape from it. Her family’s death couldn’t be undone, and more than once she wanted to give up her mission for the sake of her sanity.
It was why she immediately noticed the scent of the Payan flowers. There were many men in her previous life who tried to drug her with it and rape her, and she would hold her blade against her palm so not to lose her mind to its effects. Every night she slept with her sword by her bedside. It was a hard life being best swordswoman on the continent.
“When they put the knife to my frost-bitten foot, strangely I realized that outside the hellish battlefield, I was nothing. The moment I gave up my revenge, I would no longer be Elena Blaise.”
“…”
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“So I thought it was better to die than run away. Fortunately, I was able to receive treatment later without having to amputate my feet. But these days…sometimes I think.”
Carlisle looked on at Elena’s babbling with disbelief, but even so, she might not know what she was saying. He spoke in a soft voice.
“…What did you think? “
Elena responded in a low voice with a self-mocking smile.
“Even if I had my revenge…I might be dead.”
To defeat Paveluc was Elena’s lifelong desire. But was there ever life that existed after that? There would be many changes in the Ruford Empire after he died, but she could think of nothing that could hold her attention. Even if she restored the Blaise’s home, her family was already dead and gone. She may follow Paveluc to the grave after she destroyed him.
She despondent by the sudden thought. Even if she fulfilled her mission, there was nothing else left for her.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but don’t recklessly say you want to die. That won’t happen unless I die first.”
She smiled at the conviction in his voice.
“I suppose it was because you weren’t there. Because you were dead…”
“I was dead.”
Carlisle stared incredulously at Elena in his arms, but she didn’t seem to notice.
“I’m glad I met a partner like you. It’s not as cold as it was before.”
Carlisle gave her a questioning look, but he cradled her closer in his arms. She seemed afraid of the cold. Elena relaxed in his warmth without realizing it.
“Thank you, then I’ll just…doze off.”
At the end of her words, she succumbed to sleep.
Carlisle’s arms were like a shield that protected her from everything in the world, allowing her to drift off without her sword by her side. It reminded her of the time when her mother would rub her back gently.
Elena dreamt sweet dreams.