CHAPTER 32
“What the hell is this?” Koshiro whispered as we crouched behind a boulder near the summit of the mountain.
I shrugged. “I’m not sure, but I wasn’t expecting to see people up here. Did these fuckers go across the ledge too?”
A gray-skinned man with horns stood over what we were looking for–flowers with white tips on the blue petals. The man had pointy ears and wore a black robe with all kinds of creepy insignias. He smelled the air and turned our way. We crouched lower to avoid being seen. I peeked around the side of the boulder and caught sight of the details on his face. The man’s eyes were solid black. He had a small black pointy beard off his chin and sharp fangs protruding from his mouth. The man’s face was covered in tattoos. The fingers on the man’s hand were almost twice as long as my own. He held an empty glass jar in one hand. He twisted the lid off, then put the blue petals in the jar one by one.
“This is one of those necromancers that Bernard talked about,” I whispered.
“Oh yeah, I think you’re right. He doesn’t look nice at all.”
“What species or race is he?”
Koshiro leaned forward and squinted. “I think this guy is a vampire. I’m sure of it. They are really not nice at all.”
“A vampire? Cool.”
“Cool? Yes, their skin is very cool to the touch. Some say that a vampire’s skin is ice cold. I don’t think I could have sex with a vampire. My ta-tas don’t like to be cold. I wonder if a cold cock can even get hard. Maybe we should ask him?”
“On my world the word, cool, can mean that something is really interesting or awesome. It doesn’t always mean temperature. For the record, I don’t want you to have sex with a vampire either. I plan to be your one and only cock…a warm cock.”
“I love our talks,” Koshiro grinned.
I glanced back at the vampire. “At least he’s doing all the work for us. I'm going to just take his jar and call it a day.”
“Good idea, what’s the plan?” Koshiro asked.
“You hang back here and I approach him. Hopefully he doesn’t sink his teeth into my neck.”
“Do you think he’ll just hand over the jar to you?” Koshiro giggled quietly.
“No, but I’m a barbarian and stealth isn’t one of my specialties. I’m not going to be able to sneak up on the cold bastard. Let me equip my armor just to be safe. I’m not close enough to run my analysis skill.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you? I will. I’ve got a knife and everything.”
“I’ll feel much better if you stay over here. Your safety is my number one priority.”
“Aww, you’re so sweet. I’m a lucky girl.”
I kissed her on her forehead. “I’ll be fine. I promise.”
“You better be or I’ll be really mad at you.”
“I don’t want that. I’ve seen you mad before.”
“I’ve seen me mad too,” Koshiro giggled maniacally.
I moved out of cover slowly, and I left my axes unequipped. I’m not sure why I chose that course of action exactly. I didn’t think there was anyway I was getting this jar without a fight. My armor jingled and clanged with each step, and he heard me immediately. He spun around and hissed at me.
A chill ran down my spine, and I held my hands up. “I’m not here to hurt you. I just need to get some of those frosliorgus petals, and I’ll be on my way.”
The vampire opened his mouth to reveal a long, black tongue with four-inch fangs flanking it. “These plants belong to the Legion of the Rot. You cannot use what is ours.”
“I just need a few of the petals to make some tea. No big deal.”
“You will not lay a finger on our precious crop.”
“Crop? You don’t grow these. They grow up here on their own. You have no valid claim to them. Do you and your sect own this mountain?”
Why was I talking real estate law with this vampire?
The necromancer planted his feet, preparing for me to attack. “Stand down, mortal. If you don’t you will die an agonizing death.”
“Like I said. I don’t want to kill you. I just need a few of those petals. It’d be stupid for you to die over that. Come on. Let’s be smart about this.”
The vampire chuckled. “You are very confident for a pathetic human.”
I rolled my eyes and sighed. “I just analyzed you and you’re B rank. If you had the analysis skill, you’d already know that I was S rank. Do you understand what that means? You can’t win. Just give me the damn petals.”
“You lie.”
“This is getting more annoying by the second. Give me the damn petals you bloodsucking son of a bitch!”
“Just fucking kill him, Chad,” Koshiro shouted from the cover of the boulder. “You’ve given him enough chances. He’s a moron.”
The vampire licked his lips with his long, black tongue. “Mmm, she looks delicious. Why don’t we work out a trade? I take some of her blood, and you can have a few petals. That’s fair.”
I sighed and shook my head. “No, that’s not fair. You’re pissing me off. Step aside or I will kill you. I tried to be nice.”
The necromancer raised his arms slowly, as if he was lifting something. “Rise!”
A moment later, skeleton hands erupted from the ground all around me. The skeleton hands reached for me wildly. I counted eight hands so that would be four skeletons attempting to birth themselves from the ground.
“Chad! A creepy hand just came out of the ground, and it has my foot! There’s another one! Help!” Koshiro screamed.
“Rise!” the necromancer chanted, as more hands broke free of the soil and pulled themselves to the surface.
Koshiro swiped at the bony appendages with her knife, but it wasn’t sharp enough to do a lot of damage. “Help, I’m bleeding. I can’t get them off. There’s more! I’m going to fucking die!”
“No, you’re not,” I replied as I leaped over the boulder. Several hands were tearing at my girl’s flesh. I took my battle ax and began slashing every arm and hand that I saw, then I lifted Koshiro high onto the boulder. I didn’t think hands were going to burst out of solid stone. I hoped not, at least.
“Heal yourself and stay right there. Don’t move. You’re safe.”
Koshiro sniffled and nodded. Her trembling hands glowed. She held them over her torn flesh. I turned my attention back to the necromancer. He stood in the same spot, surrounded by a group of six foot tall skeletons. I figured he was out of mana because he wasn’t attempting to raise any more skeletons from the pits of Hell or wherever they come from.
The vampire necromancer pointed at me with fire in his eyes. “Kill him! Tear him to shreds, my children!”
“Children? Gross,” I mumbled.
Four skeletons crept toward me, hissing and screeching. It was cool that the Dracula guy rose things from the dead, but these minions were weak. His abilities were extremely limited at B rank. It was either that or he was hiding something up his sleeve. I was convinced it was the former, though.
“Are you okay?” I asked my companion as I stared down at the approaching skeletons.
“Yeah, I’ll be done with the healing in a few minutes. Healing yourself is more difficult than healing others. Please kill this fucker so we can be on our way.”
I walked toward the necromancer, slashing his bony minions left and right. I could see these things being a problem if there were huge numbers of them, but just a handful of them posed little threat unless you were an unarmed person cornered with no escape.
“No! My children! You’re destroying them! You bastard!” the necromancer growled, and pulled a black dagger from his belt and charged toward me. The way the guy held the dagger, I knew he had little to no training in dagger combat. He’s used to his skeletons doing all the work.
I chuckled and looked back at Koshiro. “A dagger? Really?”
“Get him. Stop screwing around. My tummy is growling and my feet hurt. I need you to massage them while I eat some cookies.”
I blocked a wild slash from the vampire with my ax, then I kicked him in the knee. The cracking of the bone and ligaments followed by the screech of agony made my stomach churn. He fell to the ground immediately and reached for his knee with his huge hands.
“I told you to leave. We could have avoided all of this. It’s your fault that you’re gonna die.”
“Dying is temporary. My brethren will bring me back. Do as you wish, mortal. I will find your little whore and drink her blood until she is dry.”
I shrugged and decapitated him with my blood stained ax. The necromancer’s head flipped end over end before it landed on the ground with a sickening thud. I walked over to the severed head and kicked it off the mountain like it was a soccer ball. “Fuck you, Edward Cullen’s ugly cousin.”
******
After I took the necromancer’s jar of petals, we found another pathway down the mountain that didn’t require a terrifying ledge crossing. We finally reached the mage tower a couple of hours later with the ingredient I needed to make the tea. I slammed my fist on the door and waited. Bernard arrived quickly and smiled when he saw the jar I was holding.
“You found it. Wonderful. How was the trip?”
“Well, we were lucky enough to run into an uncooperative necromancer. He’s headless now,” I replied.
Koshiro put her hands on her hips. “I also lost my footing on a ledge that we had to use to cross to the side where the whatever that ingredient is was located and nearly fell to my death. Thank the Nine for Chad, otherwise I would be a pile of goo at the bottom of the mountain.”
Bernard crossed his arms and pursed his lips. “Ledge? Did you take the pathway on the right side or the one on the left side?”
“We took the one on the right,” I replied.
You are reading story Barbarian Chef at novel35.com
“Oh yeah, you don’t want to go that way. It’s too dangerous.”
I thought that Koshiro’s head was going to explode. Her face was as red as an apple and her trembling fists were clenched tight. “Why didn’t you tell us to take the one on the left?”
Bernard tugged on the tip of his beard and nodded. “Yes, I see now. That would have been valuable information. I should have told you. Well, at least you know now for next time.”
The kitsune’s knuckles were as white as snow, and I was beginning to worry about her teeth. They were under a great deal of pressure.
“Whatever. We got it… we’re alive… all is well. Can we get started?” I asked.
The bearded man nodded. “Please come in. We need to go to the pinnacle.”
I cocked a brow. “The pinnacle?”
“The pinnacle is the top of the tower. I will need to tap into celestial arcane energy in order to perform the task you have asked of me. Do you need to go to our kitchen to make the tea?”
I shook my head. “No, I have all I need in my inventory. I can whip it up when we reach the pinnacle.”
“Splendid.”
Not far past the entryway stood a gigantic winding staircase that went all the way to the top of the tower. “Holy shit,” I said under my breath as I looked up.
Bernard laughed. “I love to see the faces of visitors when they see the stairs. Fear not, you will not have to climb those. Follow me.”
“How many stories is this tower?” I wondered.
“There are one hundred levels. As you can see, there are books lining the walls on each level. I’m not sure how many stories we have in total, but let’s just say that there is a lot of them. You would have enough stories to read for one thousand lifetimes.”
I cringed. “Haha… right.”
On the floor in the center of the winding staircase, a pink circular platform made of arcane energy appeared out of thin air. Bernard wasted no time stepping onto it. “Come on. This is much easier than the stairs.”
“You think?” Koshiro scoffed, still pissed off from earlier events.
A couple of moments after we found our way onto the platform, it began to rise. My nausea went into overdrive for a few seconds. I didn’t want to puke all over this sacred and magical place if I could help it. Dozens of mages scurried around each level, ignoring the strangers rising to the top of their tower.
Koshiro gagged. “My gods, if we don’t get up there soon, I’m going to vomit all over Bernard. I mean, you can see right through this platform thingy. I feel like I’m going to fall through at any second. I think I rather be on the freaking mountain ledge.”
I rubbed the kitsune’s back softly. “Relax, we’re almost there.”
“Ugh, now my legs are getting all wobbly. I’m going to vomit and fall off.”
I opened my inventory and flipped through the ingredients and retrieved a clove of ginger. “Here, eat this. It will settle your stomach. I promise.”
Koshiro pursed her lips and held the clove to her nose. “Smells good, at least.” She placed the clove in her mouth and chewed slowly. She squinted one eye and looked at me with the other. “This is like spicy hot. I wasn’t expecting that.”
I kissed Koshiro on the forehead and grazed her cheek with the back of my fingers. “It’ll work. Just give it a few moments.”
“I trust you, sweetie. Thank you.”
The platform elevator slowed to a stop. We were at the pinnacle and it was beautiful. It was almost like the top of a lighthouse. A huge glowing pink crystal sat in the center, and windows surrounded us.
I stepped off the platform slowly. “This is awesome. Whoa shit, I’m dizzy.”
“Oh, I should have warned you that that was a possibility when you depart the platform,” Bernard disclosed.
“You’re a terrible tour guide. I just want you to know that,” Koshiro snarled.
I made sure that I stayed between Koshiro and Bernard. I didn’t want my kitsune girlfriend to decide to pull her knife and stab him in the jugular.
“Chad, you can go ahead and make the tea while I prepare the mana crystal.”
I nodded, then walked over to a table and began retrieving the ingredients from my inventory.
Frosliorgus Tea (25% Intelligence Boost for 90 Seconds)
1/2 tsp cinnamon
2 thin slices of ginger
2 cardamom seeds
1 teaspoon of frosliorgus
1 cup water
I retrieved my mortar and pestle from my inventory and placed it on the table. I tossed all the ingredients in except for the water, then I began to mash and grind. After a few minutes, I achieved the texture and consistency that I wanted. I poured in the water and stirred. The smell was not great, but it wasn’t awful either.
Bernard clapped. “Ah, it’s ready, I see.”
“Yep, it turned out nice. This will give you a 25% intelligence boost for 90 seconds. You said that would be enough power and time.”
“Yes, it will be more than enough. May I?”
I nodded and handed Bernard the tea and he downed it in a couple of seconds. He wore a purple mustache after he was done. I had to stifle a chuckle.
Bernard began to glow a couple of seconds after finishing the liquid. He walked beside the large crystal and chanted. Using his glowing pink finger, he drew a radiant circle of energy on the floor. He stood and continued to chant.
He opened his eyes and motioned for me to stand in the circle. When I stepped inside, the hairs on my arms and neck stood on end.
“I want you to close your eyes and picture your parents. Focus all of your attention on the image in your mind. Once you have done that, open your eyes and tell them what you want them to hear. When they get the message, they will see you like you are now.”
I closed my eyes, then opened them a couple of seconds later. “Please help us Obi Wan Kenobi, you’re our only hope.”
“Is that it?” Bernard asked with surprised eyes.
“No, I just wanted to say that. I’m going to do this for real now.”
“You realize that the clock is ticking on my ability to perform this. I suggest you focus.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry.”
I overhead Koshiro giggling a few feet away, which put a smile on my face. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my parents. It took me a few seconds to really see them clearly. This part of the process was much more difficult than I thought it would be. I opened my eyes and nodded to the wizard that I was ready. He gave a single nod back to confirm that I could begin my message.
“Hi Mom and Dad. It’s me, Chad. I know I look much different, but it is most definitely me. I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through. I just disappeared one day with no explanation. One second I was sitting in my computer chair and the next I was gone. This is going to sound unbelievable, but I was taken to another world. I’m adjusting well, and I’ve already made several new friends that I care a lot about and they care a lot about me. Believe it or not, I’m a chef at a restaurant in a town called Summerstar. It’s a very peaceful place right on the beach. Don’t go to a map, because you won’t find this place. I’m not on Earth anymore. I know that you have so many questions. I wish I had time to answer all of them for you, but I only have a few more seconds. I just want you to know that I’m okay, and you don’t have to worry about me. I’m safe and I’m loved. Before I go, I just want you to know how much I love you. Goodbye.”
Tears streamed from my eyes as I stepped out of the arcane circle. Bernard chanted again, causing the circle to get brighter and brighter. Suddenly the circle of light shot into the large mana crystal, causing it to pulse. After a few seconds, a massive beam of light erupted from the top of the crystal and flowed through the iron spire to the tip. The spire pulsed and made a peculiar buzzing sound. I almost fell on my ass when a lightning bolt of pink energy launched from the tip of the spire at a forty-five degree angle, then disappeared.
“I have sent your message,” Bernard confirmed proudly.
“That’s it?” Koshiro asked.
“Yes, that’s it, little one.”
“Oh shit,” I said under my breath.
“Little one? What the hell is that supposed to mean, Bernie?”
******
I paid the wizard his twenty-five thousand credits, and we successfully left the tower without Koshiro stabbing Bernard in the face. We held hands as we walked down the road back to the city of Broadburn. The Skyflyer was still docked, and we had our ticket to return, ready to be punched.
“Are you happy you got your message sent?” Koshiro asked.
“Yeah, I’m glad I was able to do it. It serves as closure for my parents, but it also gives me closure. I’m able to shut the door on my old life and fully embrace what I have here. I’m really happy right now.”
Koshiro hugged my arm tightly as we walked. “I’m so glad to hear that. I’m happy too. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever find anyone who would love me. I have my issues, and I’m a lot to handle. I know that even though I don’t want to admit it very much. You came along and accepted me with open arms. I can be myself, and you still love me unconditionally.”
I chuckled. “You are one of a kind, and I love everything about you. No one’s perfect, especially me.”
“You are perfect, Chad Stone. I don’t want to hear you say otherwise. I really don’t want to hear anyone else say otherwise. I’ll always have this with me to illustrate how wrong those people are about my Chad,” Koshiro grinned as she held her trusty butcher’s knife.