Fade in to the canyon where Tucker is seen doing squats. Washington watches him.
Tucker: Sixty! Sixty-One! Sixty-Two! Sixty-Three! Sixty-Four! Sixty-Five! Sixty-Six! Sixty-Seven! Sixty-Eight! Sixty-Nine...
Washington: Tucker, you can't keep stopping on Sixty-Nine.
Tucker: No! This time, my legs went out.
Washington: (sighs) Come on.
Tucker: Ohhoh, Holy Christ! I haven't been this sore since that bachelorette party on Bourbon Street.
Washington: You want me to believe you banged an entire bachelorette party?
Tucker: I want you to, but really the groom just showed up and cracked three of my ribs.
Washington: That's what I thought.
Tucker: Why do we have to train so much? We never had to do squats when Church was in charge.
Washington: Exactly. I'd say you two have fallen out of shape, but generally in order to fall out of something you have to be in it first.
Tucker: Hey, that's funny! You should try comedy Wash. Why make one person miserable, when you can work over an entire room?
Washington: Alright! Time for sprints.
Tucker: Fuck you!
Washington: I want five laps around the canyon.
Tucker: Die in a fire.
Washington: Six laps, around the canyon!
Tucker: Hey! Why isn't Caboose down here? Shouldn't you be making him do dumbbell rolls, or inverted push-ups or something?
Washington: I think he's having one of his... off days.
Tucker: Oh...
Cut to the Red base interior. Sarge walks down a ramp and speaks to Grif, Ash, and Simmons
"Men!" Sarge yells. "It has come to my attention that we have been approaching this base problem from the wrong direction."
"What do you mean?" Simmons asks.
"I mean we've been approaching it from the outside. What we should have been focusing on is the interior, the layout is all wrong." Sarge walks past the three. "Upon reflections, I realized that a man of my military expertise,"
Sarge continues. "requires more private quarters, a place where I can reflect on my vast victories. And contemplate, on my non-existent failures."
"Is the place called denial?" Grif asks.
Sarge turns around. "Which is why I ordered Private Grif here to erect this new wall."
Simmons looks around. "Okay, I give up."
"The sandbags." Grif says.
"Nice wall." Ash says.
"What?!" Simmons is confused. "That's the wall?"
"Grif!" Sarge yells. "I asked you to give me a proper erection, not to stiff me!"
"So glad Donut's not here." Simmons says.
"Hey! It's not like I'm some expert carpenter or something." Grif defends himself. "You should have had Ash done it."
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"I build weapons, not walls, Grif." Ash says.
"This isn't even carpentry, this is stacking things in a straight line..." Simmons says to Grif. "Poorly."
"Well, it's all I could find, so build a bridge and get over it!" Grif says.
"Hey Grif, when I build a bridge, should I use a few sandbags, or you know, something fucking useful?!"
"Useful or not, I hereby declare that from this point forward, this side of the wall is to be reserved for my own personal use." Sarge states.
"Wait, wait, wait, you get half of the base all to yourself?" Simmons asks. "What about me, Ash and Grif?"
"Sorry Simmons, afraid I can't hear you from the next room." Sarge backs away from the three. "These walls are just too thick!"
"But i-"
"Enjoy your new roommates!" Sarge walks away while chuckling.
Grif turns to Ash and Simmons. "Ground rules, if there's a sock on the door, don't come in!"
"But we don't have socks, or a door." Simmons says.
"I don't get it." Ash says.
Xi appears on his shoulder. "I'll tell you when you're older."
"But, I'm like 28 years old."
Grif continues. "And I don't have an internet connection, but we've all gotta find some way to masturbate, now don't we?"
"Ew." Ash says.
Cut to Caboose looking at a mirror. Wash approaches him from behind.
Caboose: (depressed) Sigh. Groan. Oh, woe is me. Oh, I don't know what that even means.
Washington: (awkwardly) Still standing in the corner, Caboose?
Caboose: Oh yeah, Yeah, I just... yeah, I just miss Church sometimes.
Washington: I know you do, buddy. He was your leader for a very long time. (walks closer to Caboose)
Caboose: Yeah, I am just...I, I'm just so lost without him! I... I don't even recognize my own face!
Washington: (awkwardly) Well, you don't have your old helmet anymore, Caboose. Also, your helmet and face are not the same thing.
Caboose: Oh, god, that explains the blinking contest. (walks towards the ledge, sounding distraught) Why'd ya have to tell me that? Aghh, you just made it worse.
Washington: (walks over to Caboose's side) Look, Caboose. I'm sure that somewhere out there, Church is thinking about how much he misses you too.
Caboose: (sounding hopeful) You really think so?
Cut to a flashback of Caboose, Epsilon, and Washington. Caboose speaks loudly over Church.
Epsilon: Shut up. Just shut your mouth. ...Shut up. Shut up. CABOOSE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT THE FU-
Caboose: (indistinct rambling) WE'LL GO ON ADVENTURES TOGETHER, WHILE WE RIDE BIKES AND SOLVE CRIMES! AND THEN WE'RE GONNA GO TO THE FAIR AND THEN WE'RE GONNA DRESS UP! AND THEN WE'RE GONNA FINGERPAINT-
Cut back to the present.
Washington: (unsure) Yeah. ...Why don't you go for a walk? Take a little time to clear your head.
Caboose: Yeah. Yeah, I just... yeah, I'll go on a walk by myself, I guess. (starts walking away) That won't be depressing at all. (off-screen) Ohh. Oh god. I'm walking by myself now. Ohhhhhh. Ohhhhhh.
Washington: (sighs) What am I going to do with him? (spots Tucker outside walking at slow pace) I said sprints, Private Tucker!
Tucker: (while running away) I'm going to spit in your next meal! And it's not going to be spit, if you know what I'm talking about!
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07-20-2022