The carriage drove along a bumpy road, right in the middle of five hundred armed men with closed curtains. Well, around five hundred as we apparently lost three men right in the very beginning. Nobody knew where they went, or where their corpses were if they got attacked. As such, we could only march on, with 497 men.
The vehicle probably seemed a lot more peaceful from the outside than the inside though. Sparks flew between Markus and me as we argued if the spear was a viable weapon. I obviously had the opinion that this weapon was useless as spearmen usually died first in a battle. He on the other side, claimed that it was necessary to keep horsemen at bay who I could easily behead with any other weapon.
“Only a blind oracle will predict that spearmen will save the world! The heroes always use the sword while the evil side uses weird weapons. It is always like this you filthy maggot!” I was enraged but held back from punching him right then as I wanted to ride this carriage a little longer.
“You old hag probably learned this knowledge from thousands of years ago!”
“Old hag? Hey, that’s mean! I´m still in my teens!” I crossed my arms in front of my chest and blew my nose out of protest. He was a meanie to judge my age like this …
“Don’t make me laugh. Everyone knows that loli vampires are at least a thousand years old.” I gritted my teeth full of frustration as I also read a few similar books. But the comment about my age wasn’t what made me furious.
“What did the flea infected ape in front of me just say?” I pressed out between my teeth.
“I said that the dwarf in front of me isn’t just small, but also freakishly old.” Now it was his time to cross his arms in front of him and look away from me.
“Take that back!”
“What? That you are damn small or that you are older than all of my grandparents combined?”
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He realized that he went too far as I pushed myself forward and grabbed him by his collar. I didn’t throw him out of the carriage though, but rather grabbed into his luggage and rummaged through it while he tried to flee from my grasp. As I found what I was searching for, I pulled it out swiftly and bit into the cork that closed the lid of the wine bottle. With satisfaction, I emptied the whole bottle above his head and threw the glass on the ground. Sadly, it was a bit too durable and didn’t burst into thousand pieces right away. Only then did I let go of him, but kept his luggage close to me.
“I´m sorry! It is just …”
“just what?” I was already incredibly furious, so any further bullying from him would be quite bad.
“Lying is prohibited under military law.”
“AGHH!” I threw it out. I grabbed the whole bag he packed and threw everything out of the moving carriage. The guards looked like goats and burst out into laughter as the luggage nearly hit one of them at the head. Markus on the other hand looked like he just died, but he seemed strangely happy as well as he finally found a way to anger me.
“Please don’t fight me!”
“Why shouldn’t I?”
“You have a dishonourable advantage because of your height in this cramped space.” I threw him out. I couldn’t hurt him for real, but I didn’t need to. As soon as I pointed to the door and got dangerously silent, he saluted, opened the door and jumped out of the moving carriage. I deeply wished that he sprained his ankle, but I rather closed my eyes again instead of agitating myself even further because of how short I was.