I stood in Arthur´s study in front of a broken window. The wind made my white dress flutter as I held a small metal chest in my hands. There was a valuable ring, ornamented with a red ruby. I held the ring up and against the moon. The ruby was insanely well cut and looked almost perfect. I whistled loudly and placed the ring back into the little chest, already thinking about selling this thing for a profit.
It was strange to see such an object here, especially as Arthur never seemed romantically interested in Mary. Frowning, I searched his whole study for more valuables, but except burnt paper and a ceremonial sword, I couldn’t find anything else. As such, I inspected the ring once more and soon found what I was searching for.
“Who the heck is L.W?” I asked to nobody in particular, although I did hope the person who stood in the hallway would finally come forth.
“Lucinda White? Maybe he was in love with you since the very beginning.” Mary said, now standing in the burnt doorframe with a lit lamp in her hand. I chuckled slightly, but shook my head in denial nonetheless.
“I highly doubt it. We both saw each other as …” I started and then suddenly remembered that seeing another person as a useful tool probably wasn’t normal. “ … as business partners. This ring isn’t for me.”
Just to proof it, I put it on my ring finger and let it fall down again. The ring was too large for my fingers, but too small for Arthur. So it was a gift he wanted to make, not one he received. I couldn’t think of any person he wanted to gift such a precious ring to. Even as I tried to remember my conversations with him, he never mentioned a L.W.
“And for who is it then?” Mary asked, this time a bit curious. I smiled brightly as this was exactly what I was hoping for. A way to get closer to her, no matter the cost.
“Want to find out? Said person has a family name, meaning she is from a noble family, or a wealthy merchant. Is there any family register around?” I asked while picking up the ring once more.
“The town hall keeps track of such things, if she is born here. If not and she doesn’t belong to an influential family, then we won´t find anything.” Well, that was a beginning. Even when I wasn’t that interested in finding out who L.W. was in particular, I took this as an opportunity to get closer to her. As such, I grabbed her hand and pulled her back into the hallway swiftly.
“What about Tom?”
“He´s sleeping as he has a few things to get tomorrow. Oh, could you lend us some money for clothing? I know that white clothes are your family thing and such, but they really become monotone after some time.” Mary nodded at my request and soon walked beside me out of the house.
“Why are you this interested in this ring?”
“I´m not, I just wanted to do something with you. That’s all, no hidden agenda, nothing. I just want to become your friend.” I said and smiled sweetly. She frowned and I could see the disbelieve in her eyes.
“Is it alright if I don’t trust you?” She asked and made me sigh involuntarily. Was there anything else I could do that made her feel better around me except murdering myself?
“It is … I fear water.” I said and started to open up to her. Showing her a weakness may be my only chance to ever change her opinion about me.
“And where is this coming from?” She asked and didn’t understand my intention at all.
“It´s … forget it.”
“Oh, no, tell me all of your weaknesses, maybe I will trust you one day.” She said completely sarcastic. She didn’t even believe me that I feared water in the first place, but I was still tempted to try. At least we were talking, so there may be hope for change.
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“If you promise me to never tell anyone else and take what you just said to your heart.”
“You know what? Sure, surprise me with ways how I can kill you and save this world from your whims.” And she still didn’t see how hard I tried at being her friend.
“I … you already know how. Killing me during the day is the easiest way … what went wrong between us?”
“You are asking that now? Have you ever considered that I didn’t want this?” She pointed back to the burnt mansion. “Or a monster that desperately tries to be my child? What´s up with calling me mum the whole time?”
“I … I just wanted a shot at a normal life for once. I only wanted to know how it is to have a normal family.” I looked away from her as I noticed a few tears rolling down my cheeks. This even surprised myself as it was the first time I honestly cried in a long time, but she sadly couldn’t decide if I was acting or not.
“You are lying.” She claimed.
“No I´m not! I know I am fucked up, I know that I will never be like you or even Tom. Both of you don’t understand how it is …” I started, but then shut up. I didn’t know if it was wise to tell her anything or just give up on befriending her.
“How what is?” She asked, slightly curious now.
“How the first thing you wake up to in your whole goddamn life is emotional torture followed by real torture! How it is to be whipped hundreds of times just because the food isn’t to his liking. How a goddamn god raises you to be a freaking psychopath everyone hates … I´m trying Mary … I am really trying to be your friend or whatever you want to see me as …” I began to sob in the end. Being her friend was the first thing I really wanted on Solaris and I couldn’t stop myself from opening up to her for some reason.
“You are playing with me.” It didn’t work. Nothing that came to my mind would change her opinion about me, at least not when I didn’t want to hurt her.
“No Mary … I´m not.” I wiped my tears away and looked back at her, full of determination.
“Prove it.” How could I prove my own emotions if she didn’t trust me at all, not even my facial expressions?
“Mary … I … I can´t.” Maybe we lived in two different worlds and would never be able to have a normal relationship. And yet, I desperately wanted to know how it was at least once. Mary was the ideal person to help me with that. She was intelligent enough to understand what I was and was bound to interact with me on a daily basis. If she couldn’t become my friend, nobody could. And so, I could only plead for an emotion I didn’t have except for a few select. Compassion.
“But I still want you to give me a chance. I swear I will be myself for the next twenty four hours and I swear I won´t lie to you even once. If you still don’t want to have me around afterwards, Tom and I will deal with the elven threat as fast as possible and go away afterwards. That´s a promise.”
She thought a moment about my offer, but couldn’t accept right away. It gave me time to think about my own emotions I couldn’t entirely grasp yet. It was surprising that I had any to her in the first place considering I barely wasted any thoughts about her before we came back. My feelings to her weren’t like those to the other kids though. I wasn’t driven to her by an invisible force and yet, they were still there. I wanted to get patted on my head by her, wanted to get pulled in her warm embrace and most importantly, I wanted to be accepted by her for what I was: A broken vampire.
I was so happy as she nodded and barely stopped from jumping around in joy. I had my chance, I only had to use it wisely.