Amadan walked the roads. The city was noisy. His boots were muffled as he walks on. Peddlers were shouting for their wares. A priest preaches the masses, he was hoping to convert the masses to his God. He does it without care. His head proudly lifted.
Amadan walked past a shop with a lot of weapons on it. He noticed that there was a high vantage point on top of this nail-like overlook. Amadan was amazed by the wide road, the stone paving, the building-lined street, and the majestic mounts. Cresting a c-liker road, he found himself standing in the edge of the nail-like overlook. In this place, he saw the endless landscape.
Then, he saw it, a figure, an exact phantom, an imagination, he knew that he liked to talk to himself, to sort out his thoughts. Yes, he had imagined it, this world, it was too surreal, but yet he wanted to wake up from this world.
The wind buffeted against him. He breathes out all the air in his lungs and took a step closer. The air was cleaner than his world, there was no noise population, and by the heavens, it was a beautiful world.
“A beautiful world of adventures, and I was saved by a beautiful girl. Yes, I know it already, I died when I took a step off that building, huh?”
He recalled it. Of course, he was lying, he knew that he took that step off that building. He was a stupid young man who had heed the call of the void. He wasn’t suicidal, he wasn’t lacking any ambition, it was a whim, a whim of a stupid, idiotic, and sky loving fool.
It was in front of him. The sky. He loved the sky more than anything. He wanted to view the world from above. That was the truth. He didn’t have problems. He was the usual nobody who couldn’t fix the emptiness of a husk. Again, he wasn’t a suicidal person, it was simply, he thought, “I wonder if I’d die if I take one step”
And before he knew it, he was falling down that building. The sunset caressing his face, it was strangely an accident, an accident that did not leave him feeling scared.
He let go. The feeling of the wind. The feeling of the burden of the cog that weighted in him. He let go of all of it. It was a happy feeling that he did not want to let go.
“Eh?”
Amadan, Lanon, ah, what was that other name again? Why can’t he remember all of it?
“I was thrown into a forest right?”
He saw it! He saw all the places that had been thrown. A desert, a valley where the fall broke his neck. A waterfall, where the water was too deep and rapid that he drowned. Then he fell on an endless sky where he died falling, not because of a fall, but because of starvation.
He saw himself falling on top of a volcano. He saw himself fall on the ocean and saw himself get killed by simply falling on someone’s fence, breaking his neck.
“Why?”
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He asked, but no one would answer him, and that there was simply no way for him to know. Fragmented memories, jigsaw pieces with the pieces unreachable for him.
“But why do I have all of this?”
I don’t know, said the phantom that leaned on his back.
“Why?”
Do you ask questions without thinking? Look, you don’t know anything, you don’t even know if this world is real, what if this is an elaborate dream? A woman, a beautiful woman, whose looks make you mad, how could that be? Why would she save someone like you who begged? Somehow you have these powers, and now you are in a place straight out of a dream. If this isn’t a dream then what is this? Below you, that’s the gateway back to the waking world.
If the phantom was right then why does he can sense things? He felt like all of these things are real. Then, he felt a dam of pain and sadness that struck his heart. It was threatening his mind, and it was forcing its way to his brain.
“I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to do. She, I thought that maybe she’d be willing to give me purpose, ah, I was looking at her as the reason to go on. I hate it.”
Yes, you hate it, the phantom said.
“I was using her to keep myself out of this nightmare. This place’s a nightmare, and I am pretending it isn’t? All these creatures, and the things outside of this place. Ah, I don’t belong here. Hey, do you think that I’d wake up?”
Who knows? Why would you do something so stupid? I know that your body is strong now, but this fall would still kill you. Even if it doesn’t, then it would break your bones. Ah, you’re thinking of something else, aren’t you?
Amadan, Lanon, and whatever his name was. He did not understand. No, he simply couldn’t fathom all of these fragments entering his head. It was like his head was a system that needs updating. It was painful, and every single time these fragments come. His chest gets heavier, and he felt like it was hard to move.
His face scrunched as the sunset presses her light on his face. Tears poured off his eyes, and his limbs started shaking. “Ah,” he muttered a hoarse cry, and then he felt the world go gray, his vision of the world turning gray as if all the color that he had seen was taken from him.
“Ah!”
Fragments of memories rained down on the dam inside his mind. This rain of fragments hit the damn, threatening to leak the water onto his head. The first waters, touched the sole of his feet, and he almost choked, he wanted to scream, but he held his scream. His body trembled, and before he knew it, he took a step forward off the edge of this overlook point. He simply lifted his right leg and placed it on the empty air in front of him.