In the largest ship of the Black Fleet, a man was happily going around the commanding deck. He observed the different navigation instruments with the innocence and the enthusiasm of a kid left alone at Build-A-Rabbit.
"Look at this! It looks so awesome! Is that a radar?!" Josh asked excitedly.
"Y-yes." Answered a soldier that was at a complete loss. What kind of weird VIP was this?! Also, why come in a flying car if he was going to abandon it anyway? Now someone had to drive it back!
"Oh, is this sleek interface how you guys control the ship? Do you have a button to activate the Nitro to go faster?"
"K-kinda, but it's not that simple."
"What about the weaponry? How does it all work?" Josh asked once more.
"I'm really not at liberty to talk about that…."
That's when Roderick interrupted his fun, coughing to grab his attention. "Josh, there is someone you should meet. This here is General Gaiden. He's in charge of this fleet and is the one tasked with defending our skies should we be invaded."
"It's a pleasure to meet you. Both Sir Markus and General Roderick have a great opinion of you. I hope my fleet has managed to reach your expectations." He said, wearing a polite business smile, but Josh could see the slight disdain in his eyes.
"Your fleet has been great so far! They don't hold a candle to Armin, but they come in a very close second place. Great job!" Josh seemingly innocently praised.
"Armin?" General Gaiden raised his brows inquisitively.
"He's an amazing taxi driver. He's easy to find since he's the only one with a yellow cab." Josh truthfully replied.
The poor man was about to cough blood. His armada was being compared to a goddamn taxi?! It took all his self-control not to murder Josh. He could only clench his teeth hard. But even then, he remained civil.
"Where are we heading next?" Gaiden slowly asked.
"TO INFINITY and….Ok, for real: Draconic, the Tower, the MTA, and finally Universal Tech. In that order." Josh ordered.
"I think we should avoid flying directly over Metropolis-C to avoid complicating this issue. We would have to request permission from Sir Allistair, and there is no way that…." General Gaiden objected.
"Don't worry. He's gonna be fine with it. Hell, we're picking up his people, so it's the least he can do. Alright, let's go!"
Roderick could be seen smiling wryly on the side. Handling the peculiar Josh was definitely proving to be a challenge for his serious colleague. The good thing was that they wouldn't have to breach the air space laws long.
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First, they stopped at Draconic. As they hovered right above it, the radar began beeping real loud as a few red dots could be seen quickly moving in their direction. A soldier instantly reported it.
"Sir, our energy field is getting attacked! It seems to be a single man using a huge bow the size of his body."
"That should be AIYA. How about you remove it then so they can enter? Oh yeah, open a hatch too." Josh remarked as he went toward the back to greet them.
General Gaiden could only nod with reluctance. This whole thing was a goddamn farce, but he had orders to obey the madman. At this point, he wasn't sure what was happening anymore. How had even Allistair given his approval?!
That is when a flying car slowly rose in the air, bringing with it many Climbers just hanging to the metallic exterior. Team 7 was there in all its glory, along with Dale and Kasha.
"Sup. How are you guys doing?" Josh waved.
"I can't believe you really brought the whole fleet with you! Talk about riding in style!" Dale exclaimed.
"The reception ceremony is a little shabby, but I'll take it." Kasha joked.
"Understood. I guess next time I should blast music, add confetti and maybe even fireworks." Josh nodded, seemingly reflecting on his mistakes.
On the side, flabbergasted soldiers were witnessing this exchange. Was this woman crazy?! How was the entire Black Fleet mobilizing to pick them up unsatisfying?!
As for Team 7, it had already left to explore the ship, waving to Josh in passing. The crew now had five curious children— Climbers to deal with. At least, the hundred or so filthy beggars— Climbers they had picked up before were well-behaved!
General Gaiden felt like facepalming, but he still ordered his people to follow the itinerary. That is how they stopped as close to the Tower as possible without colliding with the force-field around it.
The Tower (access) looked so majestic seen from that high. Josh could watch it from the video feed on a floating screen. He reluctantly avoided his eyes and focused on his current task.
"Alright, lower a rope for me," Josh said.
"?! Why would we do that?" It puzzled the crew.
"So I can go down and come back up without an issue…." Josh explained casually.
That is how the Black Fleet's, a technological wonder, could soon be seen lowering a rope downward. The soldiers felt like crawling into a hole in shame. Why couldn't he just take a flying pod down there or even a jet-pack?! Why the rope?!
But it soon became worse as a soldier called out. "General, he seems to be heading…." But then he began to check his instruments to make sure none were faulty.
"Heading where, soldier?" Gaiden asked sharply.
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"Into the sewers, General. He entered the sewers." The stunned soldier replied.
They all looked at each other with Josh's friend laughing out loud. Finally, Dale explained to the others: "That's to be expected. He lives there."
That is when they all began to question life itself. How the heck was a guy living in a sewer a VIP?!
But, it soon became even worse. They saw him emerge, dragging something behind him. That thing even got stuck in the manhole. Then they could see him struggle with it for a long minute before finally succeeding to bring it out.
They watched with interest, wondering what he was up to now. Of course, Kasha had already realized it. "Oh yeah, he's bringing his pet along."
Josh began climbing the rope back, carrying his killer robot along: no one would be left behind! He finally boarded the ship and placed his robotic pet on the metal floor.
The scene had already been watched by so many and definitely recorded. Gaiden was about to lose his mind while Roderick slowly uttered: "By the way, this model is advanced enough to fly. You can just order it next time."
Josh could only nod in realization. He still wasn't used to the common sense of this futuristic world. He could finally understand the non-tech-savvy people now. But he wouldn't dwell on such a small mistake.
"Alright, next destination: the MTA!" Josh happily declared.
The crew was starting to worry about this next stop. Their temporary commander wouldn't purposely do something stupid or embarrassing, right? But then they looked at the beggars, the troublemakers, and the killer robot while losing hope.
That is when Josh recalled the AI that they already had on phones on Earth. Surely his UW would have one, too, right? "Hey Dale, is there a voice recognition AI in my watch, and what is it called?"
"Oh, it's called UA, universal assistant. You can activate it in the settings, but it's really not recommended since it's easy to mistakenly—" That's when Dale realized his mistake. The soldiers were glaring at him reproachfully.
"Thanks! UA, send a message to Allistair. Something along the line of…." He thought for a few seconds before going:
"Yo, you armored fool! I'm here to pick up the 50 kids that I'm supposed to babysit. Tell them to get their asses up here ASAP! Oh, but make it a bit more classy. Thanks a bunch, UA. Oh right, can you find me some training montage music?"
Josh was clearly having a blast, but he then noticed that the atmosphere had turned weird. One after the other, the people nearby began facepalming while exclaiming.
"Oh no!" (Crew)
"Oh no!" (Friends)
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"Oh no!" (Killer Robot?!)
"What?" Josh was completely puzzled.
"You may want to check the message that was sent," Kasha laughingly told him.
Josh checked it and couldn't help but be taken aback. He now understood why Dale had said that not many used it. The UA had definitely made his message more 'classy' except just not in the way he had expected.
- Josh MF Malum: Yo, my beloved knight in shining armor! I rushed here to pick up our five kids. I can't wait to spend some quality time with them! Tell them to climb aboard for a joy ride! We will all have so much fun. Signed Josh, yours forever…❤️XOXO❤️
- Allistair: WTF ?!!
Then after that initial message came lots of other messages that were going from mildly angry to very angry. Josh chuckled as he typed, "Sorry, auto-correct," but he had to admit this AI seemed great to write love letters!
Josh would probably have to fine-tune it a bit, but he couldn't blame the poor AI for it had done its best:
- Armored fool —> Knight in shining armor. That really sounded more poetic.
- The fifty kids —> Our five kids. Fifty was really too many kids for sure!
- Babysitting —> Spending quality time. It wasn't actually wrong since he would enjoy training them.
- Get their asses up here —> Climb for a fun ride. Also true.
- Then the last finishing touch, the signature. It was truly wonderful: Signed Josh, yours forever…❤️XOXO❤️
The biggest mistake the AI had made was to detect a romantic context: probably because of the nickname, the kids, and babysitting. Oh well, no one was perfect.
That is when a loud bellow was heard as a black armored mountain of a man crashed aboard the warship!
"What the fuck do you mean 'Sorry, auto-correct!! Auto-Correct this fist in your fucking face!"
0_0 (Everyone) The always calm Allistair was swearing?!…
Creator's Thought
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This has to be in the top 10 of the stupid reasons to die list. to mistakenly send such a beautiful love letter to some powerful figure truly is hard. Sometimes my genius is ... it's almost frightening!