IN returning to his native town of Shaston as schoolmaster Phillotson had won the interest and awakened the memories of the inhabitants, who, though they did not honour him for his miscellaneous aquirements as he would have been honoured elsewhere, retained for him a sincere regard. When, shortly after his arrival, he brought home a pretty wife--awkwardly pretty for him, if he did not take care, they said--they were glad to have her settle among them.
For some time after her flight from that home Sue's absence did not excite comment. Her place as monitor in the school was taken by another young woman within a few days of her vacating it, which substitution also passed without remark, Sue's services having been of a provisional nature only. When, however, a month had passed, and Phillotson casually admitted to an acquaintance that he did not know where his wife was staying, curiosity began to be aroused; till, jumping to conclusions, people ventured to affirm that Sue had played him false and run away from him. The schoolmaster's growing languor and listlessness over his work gave countenance to the idea.
Though Phillotson had held his tongue as long as he could, except to his friend Gillingham, his honesty and directness would not allow him to do so when misapprehensions as to Sue's conduct spread abroad. On a Monday morning the chairman of the school committee called, and after attending to the business of the school drew Phillotson aside out of earshot of the children.
"You'll excuse my asking, Phillotson, since everybody is talking of it: is this true as to your domestic affairs--that your wife's going away was on no visit, but a secret elopement with a lover? If so, I condole with you."
"Don't," said Phillotson. "There was no secret about it."
"She has gone to visit friends?"
"No."
"Then what has happened?"
"She has gone away under circumstances that usually call for condolence with the husband. But I gave my consent."
The chairman looked as if he had not apprehended the remark.
"What I say is quite true," Phillotson continued testily. "She asked leave to go away with her lover, and I let her. Why shouldn't I? A woman of full age, it was a question of her own conscience--not for me. I was not her gaoler. I can't explain any further. I don't wish to be questioned."
The children observed that much seriousness marked the faces of the two men, and went home and told their parents that something new had happened about Mrs. Phillotson. Then Phillotson's little maidservant, who was a schoolgirl just out of her standards, said that Mr. Phillotson had helped in his wife's packing, had offered her what money she required, and had written a friendly letter to her young man, telling him to take care of her. The chairman of committee thought the matter over, and talked to the other managers of the school, till a request came to Phillotson to meet them privately. The meeting lasted a long time, and at the end the school-master came home, looking as usual pale and worn. Gillingham was sitting in his house awaiting him.
"Well; it is as you said," observed Phillotson, flinging himself down wearily in a chair. "They have requested me to send in my resignation on account of my scandalous conduct in giving my tortured wife her liberty--or, as they call it, condoning her adultery. But I shan't resign!"
"I think I would."
"I won't. It is no business of theirs. It doesn't affect me in my public capacity at all. They may expel me if they like."
"If you make a fuss it will get into the papers, and you'll never get appointed to another school. You see, they have to consider what you did as done by a teacher of youth--and its effects as such upon the morals of the town; and, to ordinary opinion, your position is indefensible. You must let me say that."
To this good advice, however, Phillotson would not listen.
"I don't care," he said. "I don't go unless I am turned out. And for this reason; that by resigning I acknowledge I have acted wrongly by her; when I am more and more convinced every day that in the sight of Heaven and by all natural, straightforward humanity, I have acted rightly."
Gillingham saw that his rather headstrong friend would not be able to maintain such a position as this; but he said nothing further, and in due time--indeed, in a quarter of an hour-- the formal letter of dismissal arrived, the managers having remained behind to write it after Phillotson's withdrawal. The latter replied that he should not accept dismissal; and called a public meeting, which he attended, although he looked so weak and ill that his friend implored him to stay at home. When he stood up to give his reasons for contesting the decision of the managers he advanced them firmly, as he had done to his friend, and contended, moreover, that the matter was a domestic theory which did not concern them. This they over-ruled, insisting that the private eccentricities of a teacher came quite within their sphere of control, as it touched the morals of those he taught. Phillotson replied that he did not see how an act of natural charity could injure morals.
All the respectable inhabitants and well-to-do fellow-natives of the town were against Phillotson to a man. But, somewhat to his surprise, some dozen or more champions rose up in his defence as from the ground.
It has been stated that Shaston was the anchorage of a curious and interesting group of itinerants, who frequented the numerous fairs and markets held up and down Wessex during the summer and autumn months. Although Phillotson had never spoken to one of these gentlemen they now nobly led the forlorn hope in his defence. The body included two cheap Jacks, a shooting-gallery proprietor and the ladies who loaded the guns, a pair of boxing-masters, a steam-roundabout manager, two travelling broom-makers, who called themselves widows, a gingerbread-stall keeper, a swing-boat owner, and a "test-your-strength" man.
This generous phalanx of supporters, and a few others of independent judgment, whose own domestic experiences had been not without vicissitude, came up and warmly shook hands with Phillotson; after which they expressed their thoughts so strongly to the meeting that issue was joined, the result being a general scuffle, wherein a black board was split, three panes of the school windows were broken, an inkbottle was spilled over a town-councillor's shirt front, a churchwarden was dealt such a topper with the map of Palestine that his head went right through Samaria, and many black eyes and bleeding noses were given, one of which, to everybody's horror, was the venerable incumbent's, owing to the zeal of an emancipated chimney-sweep, who took the side of Phillotson's party. When Phillotson saw the blood running down the rector's face he deplored almost in groans the untoward and degrading circumstances, regretted that he had not resigned when called upon, and went home so ill that next morning he could not leave his bed.
The farcical yet melancholy event was the beginning of a serious illness for him; and he lay in his lonely bed in the pathetic state of mind of a middle-aged man who perceives at length that his life, intellectual and domestic, is tending to failure and gloom. Gillingham came to see him in the evenings, and on one occasion mentioned Sue's name.
"She doesn't care anything about me!" said Phillotson. "Why should she?"
"She doesn't know you are ill."
"So much the better for both of us."
"Where are her lover and she living?"
"At Melchester--I suppose; at least he was living there some time ago."
When Gillingham reached home he sat and reflected, and at last wrote an anonymous line to Sue, on the bare chance of its reaching her, the letter being enclosed in an envelope addressed to Jude at the diocesan capital. Arriving at that place it was forwarded to Marygreen in North Wessex, and thence to Aldbrickham by the only person who knew his present address-- the widow who had nursed his aunt.
Three days later, in the evening, when the sun was going down in splendour over the lowlands of Blackmoor, and making the Shaston windows like tongues of fire to the eyes of the rustics in that vale, the sick man fancied that he heard somebody come to the house, and a few minutes after there was a tap at the bedroom door. Phillotson did not speak; the door was hesitatingly opened, and there entered--Sue.
She was in light spring clothing, and her advent seemed ghostly-- like the flitting in of a moth. He turned his eyes upon her, and flushed; but appeared to check his primary impulse to speak.
"I have no business here," she said, bending her frightened face to him. "But I heard you were ill--very ill; and--and as I know that you recognize other feelings between man and woman than physical love, I have come."
"I am not very ill, my dear friend. Only unwell."
"I didn't know that; and I am afraid that only a severe illness would have justified my coming!"
"Yes ... yes. And I almost wish you had not come! It is a little too soon-- that's all I mean. Still, let us make the best of it. You haven't heard about the school, I suppose?"
"No--what about it?"
"Only that I am going away from here to another place. The managers and I don't agree, and we are going to part-- that's all."
Sue did not for a moment, either now or later, suspect what troubles had resulted to him from letting her go; it never once seemed to cross her mind, and she had received no news whatever from Shaston. They talked on slight and ephemeral subjects, and when his tea was brought up he told the amazed little servant that a cup was to be set for Sue. That young person was much more interested in their history than they supposed, and as she descended the stairs she lifted her eyes and hands in grotesque amazement. While they sipped Sue went to the window and thoughtfully said, "It is such a beautiful sunset, Richard."
"They are mostly beautiful from here, owing to the rays crossing the mist of the vale. But I lose them all, as they don't shine into this gloomy corner where I lie."
"Wouldn't you like to see this particular one? It is like heaven opened."
"Ah yes! But I can't."
"I'll help you to."
"No--the bedstead can't be shifted."
"But see how I mean."
She went to where a swing-glass stood, and taking it in her hands carried it to a spot by the window where it could catch the sunshine, moving the glass till the beams were reflected into Phillotson's face.
"There--you can see the great red sun now!" she said. "And I am sure it will cheer you--I do so hope it will!" She spoke with a childlike, repentant kindness, as if she could not do too much for him.
Phillotson smiled sadly. "You are an odd creature!" he murmured as the sun glowed in his eyes. "The idea of your coming to see me after what has passed!"
"Don't let us go back upon that!" she said quickly. "I have to catch the omnibus for the train, as Jude doesn't know I have come; he was out when I started; so I must return home almost directly. Richard, I am so very glad you are better. You don't hate me, do you? You have been such a kind friend to me!"
"I am glad to know you think so," said Phillotson huskily. "No. I don't hate you!"
It grew dusk quickly in the gloomy room during their intermittent chat, and when candles were brought and it was time to leave she put her hand in his or rather allowed it to flit through his; for she was significantly light in touch. She had nearly closed the door when he said, "Sue!" He had noticed that, in turning away from him, tears were on her face and a quiver in her lip.
It was bad policy to recall her--he knew it while he pursued it. But he could not help it. She came back.
"Sue," he murmured, "do you wish to make it up, and stay? I'll forgive you and condone everything!"
"Oh you can't, you can't!" she said hastily. "You can't condone it now!"
"He is your husband now, in effect, you mean, of course?"
"You may assume it. He is obtaining a divorce from his wife Arabella."
"His wife! It is altogether news to me that he has a wife."
"It was a bad marriage."
"Like yours."
"Like mine. He is not doing it so much on his own account as on hers. She wrote and told him it would be a kindness to her, since then she could marry and live respectably. And Jude has agreed."
"A wife.... A kindness to her. Ah, yes; a kindness to her to release her altogether.... But I don't like the sound of it. I can forgive, Sue."
"No, no! You can't have me back now I have been so wicked-- as to do what I have done!"
There had arisen in Sue's face that incipient fright which showed itself whenever he changed from friend to husband, and which made her adopt any line of defence against marital feeling in him. "I MUST go now. I'll come again--may I?"
"I don't ask you to go, even now. I ask you to stay."
"I thank you, Richard; but I must. As you are not so ill as I thought, I CANNOT stay!"
"She's his--his from lips to heel!" said Phillotson; but so faintly that in closing the door she did not hear it. The dread of a reactionary change in the schoolmaster's sentiments, coupled, perhaps, with a faint shamefacedness at letting even him know what a slipshod lack of thoroughness, from a man's point of view, characterized her transferred allegiance, prevented her telling him of her, thus far, incomplete relations with Jude; and Phillotson lay writhing like a man in hell as he pictured the prettily dressed, maddening compound of sympathy and averseness who bore his name, returning impatiently to the home of her lover.
Gillingham was so interested in Phillotson's affairs, and so seriously concerned about him, that he walked up the hill-side to Shaston two or three times a week, although, there and back, it was a journey of nine miles, which had to be performed between tea and supper, after a hard day's work in school. When he called on the next occasion after Sue's visit his friend was downstairs, and Gillingham noticed that his restless mood had been supplanted by a more fixed and composed one.
"She's been here since you called last," said Phillotson.
"Not Mrs. Phillotson?"
"Yes."
"Ah! You have made it up?"
"No.... She just came, patted my pillow with her little white hand, played the thoughtful nurse for half an hour, and went away."
"Well--I'm hanged! A little hussy!"
"What do you say?"
"Oh--nothing!"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, what a tantalizing, capricious little woman! If she were not your wife"
"She is not; she's another man's except in name and law. And I have been thinking--it was suggested to me by a conversation I had with her--that, in kindness to her, I ought to dissolve the legal tie altogether; which, singularly enough, I think I can do, now she has been back, and refused my request to stay after I said I had forgiven her. I believe that fact would afford me opportunity of doing it, though I did not see it at the moment. What's the use of keeping her chained on to me if she doesn't belong to me? I know--I feel absolutely certain--that she would welcome my taking such a step as the greatest charity to her. For though as a fellow-creature she sympathizes with, and pities me, and even weeps for me, as a husband she cannot endure me-- she loathes me--there's no use in mincing words--she loathes me, and my only manly, and dignified, and merciful course is to complete what I have begun.... And for worldly reasons, too, it will be better for her to be independent. I have hopelessly ruined my prospects because of my decision as to what was best for us, though she does not know it; I see only dire poverty ahead from my feet to the grave; for I can be accepted as teacher no more. I shall probably have enough to do to make both ends meet during the remainder of my life, now my occupation's gone; and I shall be better able to bear it alone. I may as well tell you that what has suggested my letting her go is some news she brought me--the news that Fawley is doing the same."
"Oh--he had a spouse, too? A queer couple, these lovers!"
"Well--I don't want your opinion on that. What I was going to say is that my liberating her can do her no possible harm, and will open up a chance of happiness for her which she has never dreamt of hitherto. For then they'll be able to marry, as they ought to have done at first."
Gillingham did not hurry to reply. "I may disagree with your motive," he said gently, for he respected views he could not share. "But I think you are right in your determination--if you can carry it out. I doubt, however, if you can."
费乐生回老家沙氏顿当小学教员这件事，当地居民很感兴趣，由此也唤醒他们对往日的回忆。他们对他博闻广取、旁搜远绍的治学成就固然不像外地那样敬佩，但对他本人却不乏真切的关注之忱。他归来没多少天就携回一位美貌夫人——他们说，如果他不小心，这美貌就很扎手——见她既能在他们中间住下来，确实觉得高兴。
苏弃家出走后开头一段时间，大家虽没大看见她人，却也没怎么议论过。她本来在学校当小先生，离职后几天就由一位年轻妇女接替了。因为她的工作是临时性质，所以也没谁过问。不料一个月后，费乐生无意中对一位熟人透露他对妻子现居何处并不了解，于是引起众人的好奇心；最后竟贸然下了结论，毫无根据地栽她不安于室，背夫潜逃。而小学教师工作起来也日渐马虎懈怠，无精打采，这更足证明此说不虚。
虽然费乐生只对他的朋友季令安说过，对其他人一直守口如瓶，但一当有关苏的谰言四起，以他为人那样诚实梗直，就不能继续缄默了。一个礼拜一的上午，小学董事会主席来找他，谈完公事，就把费乐生拉到一边，以免学生听见他们谈话的内容。
“费乐生，别见怪，我想问问，因为现在人人议论，说你夫人外出不是探亲访友，是跟情人偷偷私奔了——你家里究竟有没有这回事儿？要真是这样，我真替你难过。”
“你用不着为我难过，”费乐生说，“这里头没什么不可告人的。”
“那她是看望朋友去啦？”
“不是。”
“那又是出了什么事呢？”
“她走的前前后后难免叫做丈夫的难过，不过都经过我同意。”
董事会主席似乎不相信自己的耳朵。
“我说的是大实话。”费乐生继续说，显得焦躁。“她要我答应她去找她的情人，我答应了。我干吗非不让她走呢。她是个成年女人，她干什么凭她自己的良心——用不着我来说。我又不是监视她的看守。不必多说啦。我可不愿意让人家刨根问底的。”
孩子们看得出来两位大人表情都很严肃，回家后告诉爹妈，说费乐生太太出了新鲜事儿。费乐生的小女仆，原来是刚毕业的小学女生，跟人说费乐生怎样帮太太打点行李，还问她用不用钱，又写了封态度友好的信给她的小伙子，要他好好待她。主席把这事仔细盘算以后，跟别的校董谈了谈，然后邀费乐生同他们私下会面。会面时间很长，完了以后，费乐生就回家去了，脸上同平常一样苍白而且憔悴。季令安正坐在他家里等他。
“唉，你所料果真不虚啊。”费乐生说，疲惫不堪，往椅子上一靠。“他们叫我递辞呈，就为我给了活受罪的妻子自由，或者是照他们说法，我听任她跟人通奸，我的行为实属无耻之尤。可是我决不辞职！”
“要是我，我就辞了。”
“我不辞。这事跟他们没一点关系，根本不影响我从事公务的资格。他们要是想开除我，开除好啦。”
“你要是把事闹开了，一登报，你就别想哪个学校再聘你啦。你也知道，他们不得不考虑你这个做老师的，应该是青少年的人伦表率——影响所及关系到全镇的道德风尚至深且巨哪。何况按普通的看法，你这种立场是没法辩解的。你得好好听我说。”
可是对这个忠告，费乐生却充耳不闻。
“我才不在乎呢。”他说。“不开除我，我决不走。再说这算什么道理，我为这个辞职，不是等于说我为她做过的事全错了嘛；可是我是一天比一天坚信，上帝看也罢，所有单纯爽直的人看也罢，我做得就是对。”
季令安料到他这位脾气倔强的朋友断乎难把这样的立场坚持到底；不过他也没再说什么。过了相当一段时间——实际上也才一刻钟——正式的解聘公函送到了，原来校董们等费乐生一走就把它写好了。后者的答复是他决不同意解聘。接着召集了公众大会，尽管他显得虚弱有病，他的朋友也劝他呆在家里，他还是去参加了。他站起来列举自己的理由，振振有词，内容不外乎他跟朋友说的话；不仅如此，他申明此事纯属家事，与他们无关。校董们则嗤之以鼻，硬说教师个人行为乖僻反常全属他们管辖范围，因为这直接影响他教的学生的品德状况。费乐生则声言他不懂一项出自善心的很单纯的行动怎么会有伤学生的品德。
全镇所有衣冠人物和小康市民一致反对费乐生。但是有十几位属于社会下层的好汉挺身而出，为他辩护，他倒颇感意外。
前面说过，沙氏顿本是大群流动商贩打尖的地方，他们好管闲事，很有意思。春秋两季，他们经常到维塞克斯郡各处赶庙会、跑集市。虽然费乐生一向跟这些先生里边哪一位都没有过话，他们这会儿却不惜孤注一掷，为他仗义执言。其中有两个卖赖货的小贩，一个开汽枪棚的老板，两个给汽枪装铅弹的妇女，两名练武卖艺的大力士，两个自称寡妇走街串巷扎笤帚的，一个摆姜汁饼摊子的，一个出租摇船的，还有一个做“你试试力气”生意的。
这个由豪迈大众组成的支持费乐生的阵容，加上几位自己家庭历经变化、持有独立见解的人，一齐走到费乐生身边，同他热烈握手。他们对大会表达意见用了那么强有力的方式，以致双方交起手来，结果是一场全武行混战。一块黑板劈开了，教室三块玻璃打碎了，一瓶墨水泼在了一位镇议员的衬衫前胸上，一位议员竟然叫巴勒斯坦地图扣到了头上，脑袋从撒马利亚顶出来。好多人眼睛青了，鼻子淌血，其中一位是年高德劭的教区长，他是让费乐生派最大胆的那位扫烟囱工人一片热心搞的，看得人人真害怕。费乐生一看血直从教区长脸上淌下来，为这个一塌糊涂、丢人现眼的场面痛心得直哼哼，后悔不该没按人家的要求辞职，回家以后就发了病，到第二天早晨厉害到起不来床了。
这场既令人喷饭又叫人懊丧的闹剧是他染患一场重病的开端；他孤单单躺在床上，感到人到中年特有的伤痛，终于醒悟到他的治学活动和家庭生活都濒于毁灭，前途暗淡。季令安常在晚上来看望他，有一回提到苏的名字。
“她还管我什么呢？”费乐生说。“她干吗要管我呢？”
“她不知道你生病了。”
“那对我们俩不是更好吗？”
“她情人跟她住在哪儿？”
“麦尔切斯特吧——我想是；至少前一段他住在那儿。”
季令安回家之后，坐着思来想去，最后给苏写了封匿名信，装进信封，寄给主教辖区首府的裘德，无非碰碰运气，寄希望她收到于万一而已。信到当地以后又转发北维塞克斯的马利格林，那儿只有一个人了解他目前的住址，就是服侍她姑婆的那位寡妇，她把信转到奥尔布里肯。
三天后傍晚，夕阳西下，霞光万道，正在布莱摩低地上方，把沙氏顿的窗户映得火舌一般，平谷里的庄稼令人觉得耀眼，病人昏昏沉沉地觉着似乎有人进了家，几分钟以后果然听到卧室门卡嗒一声。费乐生没吱声。门被人轻手蹑脚地推开，有个人进来了——原来是苏。
她身穿轻倩的春装，恰像蛾子般轻盈，翩跹而入。他转过身看她，不禁脸红了，但是他好像把原来想说话的冲动抑制住了。
“我本来不必上这儿来。”她一边说，一边把她惊慌失色的脸对着他低下来。“不过我听说你病了——挺厉害的；再——再说我也知道你承认男女之间肉体之爱以外，还可以有别的感情，所以我就来了。”
“我病得不厉害，我的亲爱的朋友，就是觉着不舒服，没别的。”
“我并不知道你这样；我自己想，真要是病得厉害，我来不能算什么不对！”
“不错……不错。可是我但愿你没来才好呢！这样未免显得太急了点——我是这个意思。不过，咱们还是好好利用利用这个机会吧。我想你没听说过学校什么情况吧？”
“没有——什么事？”
“大不了是要我离开这地方，到别处去。校董跟我意见不合，这样就得各干各的啦。——就是这么回事。”
无论当时或以后，苏一时一刻也没料到他因为让她走掉，给自己招惹了多大麻烦；她压根儿没往这边想过，沙氏顿的新闻，她毫无所知。他们聊了聊没多大意思的小事。他的茶点送来的时候，他就叫吃惊的小女仆给苏也送个茶杯来。他们可没想到，小丫头对他们的历史的兴趣才浓厚呢。她一边下楼，一边眼往上一抬，手望上一伸，装出来受了惊的怪样。喝茶中间，苏走到窗边，思绪万端地说，“现在落日才美哪，里查。”
“这是因为阳光透过平谷的薄雾，所以从这儿看，落日总是很美。不过我享受不到啦，因为它照不到我躺着的这个光线暗的角落。”
“这个落日特别不一样，你想不想看？简直是天国开启啦。”
“唉，是这样嘛！我可没法看哪。”
“我来帮你看就是啦。”
“不行，床太重，没法挪。”
她走到放镜子的地方，拿起它走到窗户边一点上，在那儿它能接受阳光，再把它来回移动，最后光线就折射到费乐生脸上了。
“哪——这会儿你就看得见红彤彤的大太阳啦！”她说。“我相信，你一看，心里就高兴起来啦——我真希望这样啊！”她这样说，就像因为她没能给他做到该做的事，心里有愧，话里透出孩子般过意不去的亲切。
费乐生凄然一笑。“你是个怪人哪！”太阳在他眼睛里发亮，他咕哝着。“经过那一段，你还想来看我！”
“咱们别旧事重提！”她说得很快。“我得赶上坐接火车的公共马车，因为我来这儿，裘德不知道，我动身时候他不在家，所以我得差不多一气到家才行。里查，看见你好些了，我非常高兴。你不恨我，是吧？你一直是好心待我的朋友。”
“你这么想，我才高兴呢。”费乐生嗓子带哑地说，“对，我不恨你！”
在他们断断续续闲聊过程中，本来光线很暗的屋子很快黑下来了，小女仆把蜡烛端进来。她要走了，就把手放在他手里，不如说她让自己的手挨了挨他的手；因为她只是有意如此地轻轻一触而已。她刚要关上门，他就喊“苏！”他已经注意到她转身离开他那一刻，脸上有泪，嘴唇微颤。
再把她喊回来无疑不是个好主意。就在他极力想做的那一刻，这一点他自己也明白，无如他实在忍不住。她回来了。
“苏，”他咕哝着，“你想不想重归于好啊？想不想留下来不走啊？我会原谅你，既往不咎！”
“哦，办不到啦，办不到啦！”她急忙说。“你这会儿想既往不咎，也办不到啦！”
“你这意思是他现在实际上是你丈夫吗？一定是这么回事吧？”
“你要这么想也可以。他正忙着跟他妻子办离婚哪。”
“他的妻子！他也有妻子，这可真是条新闻。”
“他们的婚姻才糟糕哪。”
“跟你的一样喽。”
“跟我的一样。他办离婚一大半是为她，为他自己倒很少。她写信跟他说，离了婚对她是大恩大德，因为她可以再嫁人，过上体面的生活。裘德也就同意了。”
“妻子……对她是大恩大德。唉，是啊，大恩大德，给她彻底松了绑啦。……可是这么个说法，我不喜欢听，苏，我也能原谅你呀。”
“不行，不行！你没法再把我弄回来。我已经这么坏啦——覆水难收，挽不回来啦！”
每逢他想把自己由朋友改成她的丈夫，她脸上就一下子露出惊恐万状，这会儿就这样，所以她自然而然要用任何办法挡回他想重续连理的念头。“我非走不可啦。我还会来——行吧？”
“我不是要你来，现在也是这样。我要的是你别走。”
“谢谢，里查；可是我非走不可。既然你病得不像我想的那么厉害，我可不好留着不走！”
“她是他的啦——从头到脚，连皮带骨都归他啦！”费乐生说，不过他声音那么微弱，她关门时候没听见。她因为害怕小学教师见到她，感情上又来个反弹；或许同时因为从男人角度看，她这次移情别恋算不得一杆子到底，倒是不伦不类，似是而非，所以她有点羞于启齿，不好跟他说她跟裘德的关系至少到目前还说不上万事俱备呢。费乐生一边躺着，一边心里描画那个穿戴得漂漂亮亮的女人，她竟能把同情和嫌恶配成一味，教你服了之后神魂颠倒到发狂程度；她还顶着他的姓，却又心急火燎地要跑回情人家里。这时他真像掉进了地狱，辗转反侧，尝尽绝望之苦。
季令安对费乐生的遭遇时刻在心，而且非常认真地关切他本人的状况，所以一个礼拜总有两三回爬山到沙氏顿看望他，一来一去足足有九英里，而且必得在他学校工作辛苦一天之后，茶点与晚饭之间才行。苏来过之后，他头一回来，他的朋友正呆在楼下。季令安注意到他的朋友的神色不像往常那样心清骚乱，而是换了镇定自若的样子。
“你上回来了以后，她来过啦。”费乐生说。
“不是费乐生太太吧？”
“是她。”
“啊，你们又和好啦？”
“没有。……她就是用她小白手抚平了枕头，当了半个钟头挺经心的护士就走了。”
“唉——该死！真有点下贱！”
“你说什么？”
“哦——没说什么？”
“你是什么意思？”
“我的意思是，这小娘儿们怎么这么撩人，没个准稿子！如果她不是你妻子——”
“她不是啦；除了姓跟法律不算，她是人家的妻子啦。我在这儿想个没完——是跟她谈了才启发我的。既然要对她仁慈，我就该完全解除法律关系。既然她回来了，我也跟她说过我原谅她，她还是照样拒绝留下来，你看怪吧。我反而觉着这倒好办啦。我认为事实本身就造成我办这件事的机会，虽说我当时没想到这一点。要是她归了别人，我死乞白赖地把她拴在身上，又有什么屁用？我知道——也绝对相信——她准欢迎我采取这个步骤，看做是我对她莫大慈悲。因为她拿我当圆颅方趾的同类，同情我，怜悯我，不惜为我掉眼泪，可是一想到我是她丈夫，她就受不了，所以我该把已经做开了头的事做到底。这就是我该采取的有大丈夫气概，有人格尊严，又是慈悲为怀的办法。……这也是为了对付世俗那套道理，她更容易做到独行其是。我已经为我的决定断送了咱们大伙儿眼里极其美好的前程，再也没什么希望啦，不过她是一无所知；我预见到摆在我前面的是走进坟墓之前要陷进去的可怕的贫困；因为没人再想聘我当教师。尽管丢了饭碗，我下半辈子大概还有办法糊口吧，以后我一个人完全有能力支应这一切。我不妨跟你直说，究竟是怎么回事才启发我让她走掉，这是因为她给我带来了消息——福来正干我要干的事。”
“哦——他也有老婆？这一对真怪啦，这一对情人哪！”
“呃——我不想你再就此给我提意见。我先前就想说，我让她自由了，不可能害了她，反而给她提供了机会，使她得到至今做梦也得不到的幸福。那时候他们就能结婚，因为他们本应老早之前就这么办。”
季令安没急于回答。“你的动机，我当然不赞成。”他说，口气温和，因为他尊重他不便苟同的见解。“但是如果你能这样实行的话，我认为你下这样的决心并不错。不过我怀疑你能否办得到。”