SUE was convalescent, though she had hoped for death, and Jude had again obtained work at his old trade. They were in other lodgings now, in the direction of Beersheba, and not far from the Church of Ceremonies-- Saint Silas.
They would sit silent, more bodeful of the direct antagonism of things than of their insensate and stolid obstructiveness. Vague and quaint imaginings had haunted Sue in the days when her intellect scintillated like a star, that the world resembled a stanza or melody composed in a dream; it was wonderfully excellent to the half-aroused intelligence, but hopelessly absurd at the full waking; that the first cause worked automatically like a somnambulist, and not reflectively like a sage; that at the framing of the terrestrial conditions there seemed never to have been contemplated such a development of emotional perceptiveness among the creatures subject to those conditions as that reached by thinking and educated humanity. But affliction makes opposing forces loom anthropomorphous; and those ideas were now exchanged for a sense of Jude and herself fleeing from a persecutor.
"We must conform!" she said mournfully. "All the ancient wrath of the Power above us has been vented upon us. His poor creatures, and we must submit. There is no choice. We must. It is no use fighting against God!"
"It is only against man and senseless circumstance," said Jude.
"True!" she murmured. "What have I been thinking of! I am getting as superstitious as a savage! ... But whoever or whatever our foe may be, I am cowed into submission. I have no more fighting strength left; no more enterprise. I am beaten, beaten! ... 'We are made a spectacle unto the world, and to angels, and to men!' I am always saying that now."
"I feel the same!"
"What shall we do? You are in work now; but remember, it may only be because our history and relations are not absolutely known.... Possibly, if they knew our marriage had not been formalized they would turn you out of your job as they did at Aldbrickham!"
"I hardly know. Perhaps they would hardly do that. However, I think that we ought to make it legal now--as soon as you are able to go out."
"You think we ought?"
"Certainly."
And Jude fell into thought. "I have seemed to myself lately," he said, "to belong to that vast band of men shunned by the virtuous-- the men called seducers. It amazes me when I think of it! I have not been conscious of it, or of any wrongdoing towards you, whom I love more than myself. Yet I am one of those men! I wonder if any other of them are the same purblind, simple creatures as I? ... Yes, Sue--that's what I am. I seduced you.... You were a distinct type--a refined creature, intended by Nature to be left intact. But I couldn't leave you alone!"
"No, no, Jude!" she said quickly. "Don't reproach yourself with being what you are not. If anybody is to blame it is I."
"I supported you in your resolve to leave Phillotson; and without me perhaps you wouldn't have urged him to let you go."
"I should have, just the same. As to ourselves, the fact of our not having entered into a legal contract is the saving feature in our union. We have thereby avoided insulting, as it were, the solemnity of our first marriages."
"Solemnity?" Jude looked at her with some surprise, and grew conscious that she was not the Sue of their earlier time.
"Yes," she said, with a little quiver in her words, "I have had dreadful fears, a dreadful sense of my own insolence of action. I have thought--that I am still his wife!"
"Whose?"
"Richard's."
"Good God, dearest!--why?"
"Oh I can't explain! Only the thought comes to me."
"It is your weakness--a sick fancy, without reason or meaning! Don't let it trouble you."
Sue sighed uneasily.
As a set-off against such discussions as these there had come an improvement in their pecuniary position, which earlier in their experience would have made them cheerful. Jude had quite unexpectedly found good employment at his old trade almost directly he arrived, the summer weather suiting his fragile constitution; and outwardly his days went on with that monotonous uniformity which is in itself so grateful after vicissitude. People seemed to have forgotten that he had ever shown any awkward aberrancies: and he daily mounted to the parapets and copings of colleges he could never enter, and renewed the crumbling freestones of mullioned windows he would never look from, as if he had known no wish to do otherwise.
There was this change in him; that he did not often go to any service at the churches now. One thing troubled him more than any other; that Sue and himself had mentally travelled in opposite directions since the tragedy: events which had enlarged his own views of life, laws, customs, and dogmas, had not operated in the same manner on Sue's. She was no longer the same as in the independent days, when her intellect played like lambent lightning over conventions and formalities which he at that time respected, though he did not now.
On a particular Sunday evening he came in rather late. She was not at home, but she soon returned, when he found her silent and meditative.
"What are you thinking of, little woman?" he asked curiously.
"Oh I can't tell clearly! I have thought that we have been selfish, careless, even impious, in our courses, you and I. Our life has been a vain attempt at self-delight. But self-abnegation is the higher road. We should mortify the flesh--the terrible flesh--the curse of Adam!"
"Sue!" he murmured. "What has come over you?"
"We ought to be continually sacrificing ourselves on the altar of duty! But I have always striven to do what has pleased me. I well deserved the scourging I have got! I wish something would take the evil right out of me, and all my monstrous errors, and all my sinful ways!"
"Sue--my own too suffering dear!--there's no evil woman in you. Your natural instincts are perfectly healthy; not quite so impassioned, perhaps, as I could wish; but good, and dear, and pure. And as I have often said, you are absolutely the most ethereal, least sensual woman I ever knew to exist without inhuman sexlessness. Why do you talk in such a changed way? We have not been selfish, except when no one could profit by our being otherwise. You used to say that human nature was noble and long-suffering, not vile and corrupt, and at last I thought you spoke truly. And now you seem to take such a much lower view!"
"I want a humble heart; and a chastened mind; and I have never had them yet!"
"You have been fearless, both as a thinker and as a feeler, and you deserved more admiration than I gave. I was too full of narrow dogmas at that time to see it."
"Don't say that, Jude! I wish my every fearless word and thought could be rooted out of my history. Self-renunciation--that's everything! I cannot humiliate myself too much. I should like to prick myself all over with pins and bleed out the badness that's in me!"
"Hush!" he said, pressing her little face against his breast as if she were an infant. "It is bereavement that has brought you to this! Such remorse is not for you, my sensitive plant, but for the wicked ones of the earth--who never feel it!"
"I ought not to stay like this," she murmured, when she had remained in the position a long while.
"Why not?"
"It is indulgence."
"Still on the same tack! But is there anything better on earth than that we should love one another?"
"Yes. It depends on the sort of love; and yours--ours is the wrong."
"I won't have it, Sue! Come, when do you wish our marriage to be signed in a vestry?"
She paused, and looked up uneasily. "Never," she whispered.
Not knowing the whole of her meaning he took the objection serenely, and said nothing. Several minutes elapsed, and he thought she had fallen asleep; but he spoke softly, and found that she was wide awake all the time. She sat upright and sighed.
"There is a strange, indescribable perfume or atmosphere about you to-night, Sue," he said. "I mean not only mentally, but about your clothes, also. A sort of vegetable scent, which I seem to know, yet cannot remember."
"It is incense."
"Incense?"
"I have been to the service at St. Silas', and I was in the fumes of it."
"Oh--St. Silas'."
"Yes. I go there sometimes."
"Indeed. You go there!"
"You see, Jude, it is lonely here in the weekday mornings, when you are at work, and I think and think of--of my--" She stopped till she could control the lumpiness of her throat. "And I have taken to go in there, as it is so near."
"Oh well--of course, I say nothing against it. Only it is odd, for you. They little think what sort of chiel is amang them!"
"What do you mean, Jude?"
"Well--a sceptic, to be plain."
"How can you pain me so, dear Jude, in my trouble! Yet I know you didn't mean it. But you ought not to say that."
"I won't. But I am much surprised!"
"Well--I want to tell you something else, Jude. You won't be angry, will you? I have thought of it a good deal since my babies died. I don't think I ought to be your wife--or as your wife-- any longer."
"What? ... But you ARE!"
"From your point of view; but--"
"Of course we were afraid of the ceremony, and a good many others would have been in our places, with such strong reasons for fears. But experience has proved how we misjudged ourselves, and overrated our infirmities; and if you are beginning to respect rites and ceremonies, as you seem to be, I wonder you don't say it shall be carried out instantly? You certainly ARE my wife, Sue, in all but law. What do you mean by what you said?"
"I don't think I am!"
"Not? But suppose we HAD gone through the ceremony? Would you feel that you were then?"
"No. I should not feel even then that I was. I should feel worse than I do now."
"Why so--in the name of all that's perverse, my dear?"
"Because I am Richard's."
"Ah--you hinted that absurd fancy to me before!"
"It was only an impression with me then; I feel more and more convinced as time goes on that--I belong to him, or to nobody."
"My good heavens--how we are changing places!"
"Yes. Perhaps so."
Some few days later, in the dusk of the summer evening, they were sitting in the same small room down-stairs, when a knock came to the front door of the carpenter's house where they were lodging, and in a few moments there was a tap at the door of their room. Before they could open it the comer did so, and a woman's form appeared.
"Is Mr. Fawley here?"
Jude and Sue started as he mechanically replied in the affirmative, for the voice was Arabella's.
He formally requested her to come in, and she sat down in the window bench, where they could distinctly see her outline against the light; but no characteristic that enabled them to estimate her general aspect and air. Yet something seemed to denote that she was not quite so comfortably circumstanced, nor so bouncingly attired, as she had been during Cartlett's lifetime.
The three attempted an awkward conversation about the tragedy, of which Jude had felt it to be his duty to inform her immediately, though she had never replied to his letter.
"I have just come from the cemetery," she said. "I inquired and found the child's grave. I couldn't come to the funeral-- thank you for inviting me all the same. I read all about it in the papers, and I felt I wasn't wanted.... No--I couldn't come to the funeral," repeated Arabella, who, seeming utterly unable to reach the ideal of a catastrophic manner, fumbled with iterations. "But I am glad I found the grave. As 'tis your trade, Jude, you'll be able to put up a handsome stone to 'em."
"I shall put up a headstone," said Jude drearily.
"He was my child, and naturally I feel for him."
"I hope so. We all did."
"The others that weren't mine I didn't feel so much for, as was natural."
"Of course."
A sigh came from the dark corner where Sue sat.
"I had often wished I had mine with me," continued Mrs. Cartlett. "Perhaps 'twouldn't have happened then! But of course I didn't wish to take him away from your wife."
"I am not his wife," came from Sue.
The unexpectedness of her words struck Jude silent.
"Oh, I beg your pardon, I'm sure," said Arabella. "I thought you were!"
Jude had known from the quality of Sue's tone that her new and transcendental views lurked in her words; but all except their obvious meaning was, naturally, missed by Arabella. The latter, after evincing that she was struck by Sue's avowal, recovered herself, and went on to talk with placid bluntness about "her" boy, for whom, though in his lifetime she had shown no care at all, she now exhibited a ceremonial mournfulness that was apparently sustaining to the conscience. She alluded to the past, and in making some remark appealed again to Sue. There was no answer: Sue had invisibly left the room.
"She said she was not your wife?" resumed Arabella in another voice. "Why should she do that?"
"I cannot inform you," said Jude shortly.
"She is, isn't she? She once told me so."
"I don't criticize what she says."
"Ah--I see! Well, my time is up. I am staying here to-night, and thought I could do no less than call, after our mutual affliction. I am sleeping at the place where I used to be barmaid, and to-morrow I go back to Alfredston. Father is come home again, and I am living with him."
"He has returned from Australia?" said Jude with languid curiosity.
"Yes. Couldn't get on there. Had a rough time of it. Mother died of dys--what do you call it--in the hot weather, and Father and two of the young ones have just got back. He has got a cottage near the old place, and for the present I am keeping house for him."
Jude's former wife had maintained a stereotyped manner of strict good breeding even now that Sue was gone, and limited her stay to a number of minutes that should accord with the highest respectability. When she had departed Jude, much relieved, went to the stairs and called Sue--feeling anxious as to what had become of her.
There was no answer, and the carpenter who kept the lodgings said she had not come in. Jude was puzzled, and became quite alarmed at her absence, for the hour was growing late. The carpenter called his wife, who conjectured that Sue might have gone to St. Silas' church, as she often went there.
"Surely not at this time o' night?" said Jude. "It is shut."
"She knows somebody who keeps the key, and she has it whenever she wants it."
"How long has she been going on with this?"
"Oh, some few weeks, I think."
Jude went vaguely in the direction of the church, which he had never once approached since he lived out that way years before, when his young opinions were more mystical than they were now. The spot was deserted, but the door was certainly unfastened; he lifted the latch without noise, and pushing to the door behind him, stood absolutely still inside. The prevalent silence seemed to contain a faint sound, explicable as a breathing, or a sobbing, which came from the other end of the building. The floor-cloth deadened his footsteps as he moved in that direction through the obscurity, which was broken only by the faintest reflected night-light from without.
High overhead, above the chancel steps, Jude could discern a huge, solidly constructed Latin cross--as large, probably, as the original it was designed to commemorate. It seemed to be suspended in the air by invisible wires; it was set with large jewels, which faintly glimmered in some weak ray caught from outside, as the cross swayed to and fro in a silent and scarcely perceptible motion. Underneath, upon the floor, lay what appeared to be a heap of black clothes, and from this was repeated the sobbing that he had heard before. It was his Sue's form, prostrate on the paving.
"Sue!" he whispered.
Something white disclosed itself; she had turned up her face.
"What--do you want with me here, Jude?" she said almost sharply. "You shouldn't come! I wanted to be alone! Why did you intrude here?"
"How can you ask!" he retorted in quick reproach, for his full heart was wounded to its centre at this attitude of hers towards him. "Why do I come? Who has a right to come, I should like to know, if I have not! I, who love you better than my own self--better-- far better--than you have loved me! What made you leave me to come here alone?"
"Don't criticize me, Jude--I can't bear it!--I have often told you so. You must take me as I am. I am a wretch--broken by my distractions! I couldn't BEAR it when Arabella came--I felt so utterly miserable I had to come away. She seems to be your wife still, and Richard to be my husband!"
"But they are nothing to us!"
"Yes, dear friend, they are. I see marriage differently now. My babies have been taken from me to show me this! Arabella's child killing mine was a judgement--the right slaying the wrong. What, WHAT shall I do! I am such a vile creature-- too worthless to mix with ordinary human beings!"
"This is terrible!" said Jude, verging on tears. "It is monstrous and unnatural for you to be so remorseful when you have done no wrong!"
"Ah--you don't know my badness!"
He returned vehemently: "I do! Every atom and dreg of it! You make me hate Christianity, or mysticism, or Sacerdotalism, or whatever it may be called, if it's that which has caused this deterioration in you. That a woman-poet, a woman-seer, a woman whose soul shone like a diamond--whom all the wise of the world would have been proud of, if they could have known you-- should degrade herself like this! I am glad I had nothing to do with Divinity--damn glad--if it's going to ruin you in this way!"
"You are angry, Jude, and unkind to me, and don't see how things are."
"Then come along home with me, dearest, and perhaps I shall. I am overburdened--and you, too, are unhinged just now." He put his arm round her and lifted her; but though she came, she preferred to walk without his support.
"I don't dislike you, Jude," she said in a sweet and imploring voice. "I love you as much as ever! Only--I ought not to love you--any more. Oh I must not any more!"
"I can't own it."
"But I have made up my mind that I am not your wife! I belong to him--I sacramentally joined myself to him for life. Nothing can alter it!"
"But surely we are man and wife, if ever two people were in this world? Nature's own marriage it is, unquestionably!"
"But not Heaven's. Another was made for me there, and ratified eternally in the church at Melchester."
"Sue, Sue--affliction has brought you to this unreasonable state! After converting me to your views on so many things, to find you suddenly turn to the right-about like this--for no reason whatever, confounding all you have formerly said through sentiment merely! You root out of me what little affection and reverence I had left in me for the Church as an old acquaintance.... What I can't understand in you is your extraordinary blindness now to your old logic. Is it peculiar to you, or is it common to woman? Is a woman a thinking unit at all, or a fraction always wanting its integer? How you argued that marriage was only a clumsy contract-- which it is--how you showed all the objections to it-- all the absurdities! If two and two made four when we were happy together, surely they make four now? I can't understand it, I repeat!"
"Ah, dear Jude; that's because you are like a totally deaf man observing people listening to music. You say 'What are they regarding? Nothing is there.' But something is."
"That is a hard saying from you; and not a true parallel! You threw off old husks of prejudices, and taught me to do it; and now you go back upon yourself. I confess I am utterly stultified in my estimate of you."
"Dear friend, my only friend, don't be hard with me! I can't help being as I am, I am convinced I am right-- that I see the light at last. But oh, how to profit by it!"
They walked along a few more steps till they were outside the building and she had returned the key. "Can this be the girl," said Jude when she came back, feeling a slight renewal of elasticity now that he was in the open street; "can this be the girl who brought the pagan deities into this most Christian city?--who mimicked Miss Fontover when she crushed them with her heel?--quoted Gibbon, and Shelley, and Mill? Where are dear Apollo, and dear Venus now!"
"Oh don't, don't be so cruel to me, Jude, and I so unhappy!" she sobbed. "I can't bear it! I was in error--I cannot reason with you. I was wrong--proud in my own conceit! Arabella's coming was the finish. Don't satirize me: it cuts like a knife!"
He flung his arms round her and kissed her passionately there in the silent street, before she could hinder him. They went on till they came to a little coffee-house. "Jude," she said with suppressed tears, "would you mind getting a lodging here?"
"I will--if, if you really wish? But do you? Let me go to our door and understand you."
He went and conducted her in. She said she wanted no supper, and went in the dark upstairs and struck a light. Turning she found that Jude had followed her, and was standing at the chamber door. She went to him, put her hand in his, and said "Good-night."
"But Sue! Don't we live here?"
"You said you would do as I wished!"
"Yes. Very well! ... Perhaps it was wrong of me to argue distastefully as I have done! Perhaps as we couldn't conscientiously marry at first in the old-fashioned way, we ought to have parted. Perhaps the world is not illuminated enough for such experiments as ours! Who were we, to think we could act as pioneers!"
"I am so glad you see that much, at any rate. I never deliberately meant to do as I did. I slipped into my false position through jealousy and agitation!"
"But surely through love--you loved me?"
"Yes. But I wanted to let it stop there, and go on always as mere lovers; until----"
"But people in love couldn't live for ever like that!"
"Women could: men can't, because they--won't. An average woman is in this superior to an average man--that she never instigates, only responds. We ought to have lived in mental communion, and no more."
"I was the unhappy cause of the change, as I have said before! ... Well, as you will! ... But human nature can't help being itself."
"Oh yes--that's just what it has to learn--self-mastery."
"I repeat--if either were to blame it was not you but I."
"No--it was I. Your wickedness was only the natural man's desire to possess the woman. Mine was not the reciprocal wish till envy stimulated me to oust Arabella. I had thought I ought in charity to let you approach me-- that it was damnably selfish to torture you as I did my other friend. But I shouldn't have given way if you hadn't broken me down by making me fear you would go back to her.... But don't let us say any more about it! Jude, will you leave me to myself now?"
"Yes.... But Sue--my wife, as you are!" he burst out; "my old reproach to you was, after all, a true one. You have never loved me as I love you--never--never! Yours is not a passionate heart--your heart does not burn in a flame! You are, upon the whole, a sort of fay, or sprite-- not a woman!"
"At first I did not love you, Jude; that I own. When I first knew you I merely wanted you to love me. I did not exactly flirt with you; but that inborn craving which undermines some women's morals almost more than unbridled passion--the craving to attract and captivate, regardless of the injury it may do the man--was in me; and when I found I had caught you, I was frightened. And then--I don't know how it was-- I couldn't bear to let you go--possibly to Arabella again--and so I got to love you, Jude. But you see, however fondly it ended, it began in the selfish and cruel wish to make your heart ache for me without letting mine ache for you."
"And now you add to your cruelty by leaving me!"
"Ah--yes! The further I flounder, the more harm I do!"
"O Sue!" said he with a sudden sense of his own danger. "Do not do an immoral thing for moral reasons! You have been my social salvation. Stay with me for humanity's sake! You know what a weak fellow I am. My two arch-enemies you know-- my weakness for womankind and my impulse to strong liquor. Don't abandon me to them, Sue, to save your own soul only! They have been kept entirely at a distance since you became my guardian-angel! Since I have had you I have been able to go into any temptations of the sort, without risk. Isn't my safety worth a little sacrifice of dogmatic principle? I am in terror lest, if you leave me, it will be with me another case of the pig that was washed turning back to his wallowing in the mire!"
Sue burst out weeping. "Oh, but you must not, Jude! You won't! I'll pray for you night and day!"
"Well--never mind; don't grieve," said Jude generously. "I did suffer, God knows, about you at that time; and now I suffer again. But perhaps not so much as you. The woman mostly gets the worst of it in the long run!"
"She does."
"Unless she is absolutely worthless and contemptible. And this one is not that, anyhow!"
Sue drew a nervous breath or two. "She is--I fear! ... Now Jude--good-night,--please!"
"I mustn't stay?--Not just once more? As it has been so many times-- O Sue, my wife, why not!"
"No--no--not wife! ... I am in your hands, Jude--don't tempt me back now I have advanced so far!"
"Very well. I do your bidding. I owe that to you, darling, in penance for how I overruled it at the first time. My God, how selfish I was! Perhaps--perhaps I spoilt one of the highest and purest loves that ever existed between man and woman! ... Then let the veil of our temple be rent in two from this hour!"
He went to the bed, removed one of the pair of pillows thereon, and flung it to the floor.
Sue looked at him, and bending over the bed-rail wept silently. "You don't see that it is a matter of conscience with me, and not of dislike to you!" she brokenly murmured. "Dislike to you! But I can't say any more--it breaks my heart--it will be undoing all I have begun! Jude--good-night!"
"Good-night," he said, and turned to go.
"Oh but you shall kiss me!" said she, starting up. "I can't--bear!"
He clasped her, and kissed her weeping face as he had scarcely ever done before, and they remained in silence till she said, "Good-bye, good-bye!" And then gently pressing him away she got free, trying to mitigate the sadness by saying: "We'll be dear friends just the same, Jude, won't we? And we'll see each other sometimes--yes!--and forget all this, and try to be as we were long ago?"
Jude did not permit himself to speak, but turned and descended the stairs.
苏虽然痛不欲生，但她的健康日有起色，裘德也在老本行找到了工作。她们如今已迁到别是巴一带的一个寓所，离仪式派圣·西拉教堂不远。
他们每每枯坐，相对无言，固然苦于事事拂逆，处处无情，但在他们的遭遇中包含的敌意尤令他们懔于来日大难方临。往日苏的灵性本像星光般闪亮，她不断纵情邀游于虚无飘渺的奇幻想象中。她把世界想象为梦中写成的一首诗或梦中谱就的一段旋律；在如梦似醒的朦胧中，这样的意境显得美妙无比，但一经醒觉，在光天化日下，就是荒唐无稽了。她想象造物主实行他的意旨有如梦游者自发行动，无为无不为，不像圣哲贤士那样苦心筹思，煞费周章；他为尘寰设定种种条件时，似乎万万没想到芸芸众生竟然要让能思想、受教育的人类所造成的环境所左右，以致他们在情感方面发展到如此细腻敏锐的程度。历经磨难，困苦颠连，不免把敌对力量夸大，仿佛面对着噬人的人形怪兽，因而她原有的思想到此急转直下，而为她本人和裘德逃避迫害的紧迫感所替代了。
“咱们得听从天意啊！”她沉痛地说。“巍巍上苍把亘古至今的天谴神罚一齐降在咱们这两个下界子民身上啦，咱们只好乖乖认命，不能再道天行事啦。咱们只好这样。违抗上帝没有用啊。”
“谁违抗上帝来着？咱们反抗的无非是人，是愚昧的环境。”
“一点不错！”她咕哝着。“我都想了些什么呀！我变啦，跟野蛮人一样迷信啦！……可是不管咱们的敌人是人还是物，反正吓得我服服帖帖啦。我一点战斗力都没啦，一点儿豁着干的胆量也没啦；我败啦，败啦！‘我们成了一台戏，给世人和天使都看了！’现在我念来念去没个完。”
“我也有同感啊！”
“咱们还要干什么？你现在是有活儿可干；可别忘了，这大概是因为他们还不全了解咱们的历史跟关系！……说不定，他们一知道咱们的婚姻没经过法律手续，就跟奥尔布里肯那帮子人一样，把你开掉啦！”
“这我也说不上来。他们不一定就那么干吧。我倒是想咱们现在该把婚姻关系合法化——一到你能出去的时候，咱们就办吧。”
“你是想咱们该这么办？”
“当然。”
跟着裘德骤然想起心事来了。“我新近一直琢磨我算怎么回事儿。”他说。“有那么一帮子人，正人君子都避之唯恐不及，他们就叫做诱奸者，我看我得算他们里头的一员吧。我一这么想，就浑身直冒冷汗！我一向没意识到那类人，也没意识到我做过什么对不起你的事，我爱你胜过自己，可我的确是那类人的一分子哪！我还不知道他们里头有没有我这样蠢头蠢脑、简单无识的货色呢？……对啦，苏呀，我是那么回事呀。我把你诱奸了……你从前是超凡出众——是玲珑剔透的妙人儿，大自然老想着你保持完美无瑕，不受到损伤。可我不想让你洁身自好，白璧无玷！”
“你说得不对，不对，裘德！”她赶紧说。“你根本不是那么回事，别瞎怪自己。要怪都得怪我。”
“你从前决定离开费乐生，我给你撑腰；要是没我，你大概不会盯着他非让你走不可。”
“不管怎么着，我反正要走。至于说咱们俩，既然没订过法定契约，咱们的结合倒大有好处，非同小可呢。因为这一来，可以说咱们避免了头一回那样亵渎婚姻的神圣性啦。”
“神圣性？”他有点吃惊地瞧着她，开始意识到她不是早先相处的那个苏了。
“不错。”她说，一字一句说出来，声音都有点抖抖的。“我害怕，怕得不得了，以前我目空一切，胆大妄为，太可怕啦。我也想过——我，我这会儿还是他妻子！”
“谁的？”
“里查的。”
“哎呀呀，最亲爱的——这是从何说起呢？”
“哦，我没法说明白，反正这么想就是了。”
“这是因为你人太虚弱——病了才胡思乱想的，没道理，也没意义！别为这搞得心烦意乱吧。”
苏很不自在地叹了口气。
他们的经济状况已经有所好转，在他们早先生活中若能这样，他们自然觉得称心如意；不过现在这种状况对他们诸如此类的讨论也还是起了制约作用。裘德刚到基督堂时候，说来意想不到，立刻在老本行找到了怪不错的差使。夏天的气候于他的单薄体质也很适宜；表面上看，在频频动荡之后，他能日复一日过上稳定的生活，的确值得庆幸。看来别人已经忘了他从前种种不堪的胡作非为了。他每天能进到他永远不能入学的学院，跨在屋顶下短垣和护墙上面，把他永远休想从里面往外望的直棂窗的石框更换。他于起活来那么起劲，就像除此之外，他压根儿没起过要干什么别的事的念头。
而他的内心正是此时发生了变化：他不再上教堂做礼拜了。不过有件事却又让他深感不安，原来惨剧发生后，他和苏在精神领域已经分道扬镳。种种遭际把他对人生、法律、习俗和教义各方面的视野扩大了，可是同一情况对苏的观点却没起同样作用。苏非复当年那样精神独立了，那时她的灵性犹如闪电般倏然明亮，把他当初一味尊崇、而如今不予一顾的习俗、礼法映照得原形毕露。
有个礼拜天晚上很特别，他回家迟些，苏却没在家，不过没多久她就回来了，他见她不言不语，若有所思。
“你又想什么啦，小女人？”他好奇地问。
“哦，我没法说清楚。我觉得你跟我，咱们做人行事一向是没头没脑，自私自利，甚至是邪魔外道的。咱们的生活但求自乐，不计其他。但是舍己为人才是高尚的道路啊。咱们应该摒弃肉欲——可怕的肉欲——叫亚当受到惩罚的肉欲。”
“苏，”他咕哝着，“你这是见了鬼吧？”
“咱们要不断地在本分的祭坛上拿自己当供品！而我历来是从心所欲，就干自己高兴的，理所当然，我该受天罚，并不冤枉。我希望有一种力量把我身上的邪恶除掉，把我做过的所有卑鄙的事。所有罪恶的行为除掉！”
“苏啊——我的受了大罪的亲人哪！你根本不是什么邪恶的女人。上天赋予你的本能是十分健全的；也许你不尽如我希望的那样热情奔放，但是你又善良，又纯洁，又可亲可爱；我以前不是常说嘛，你是我见过的这世上最脱俗、最没肉欲的女人，但是你又不是违乎人情、没有性别特征的女人。你这会儿说的话怎么这样跟从前大异其趣呢？咱们向来都不自私自利，只能说咱们自私自利的时候，并没让别人受益过。你以前常说人性是高尚的，历尽艰难困苦而不渝，并不是天生就卑鄙和腐恶，我后来终于认为你的话完全对。而你现在这样的见解看来低下多啦。”
“我要低首下心；我要洗心革面；我至今也一点没做到！”
“你不论对什么事思考和探索时候向来是无所畏惧，所以你该得到的赞扬，决不是我说过的几句话所能尽。每当看到你这些方面，我就觉着脑子里装着的狭隘的教条大多太多啦。”
“裘德，你别说这些啦！我但愿我什么无所畏惧的话、无所畏惧的思想，都能从我的历史上连根铲掉。否定自我——这就是唯一该做的事！我再怎么贬低我，都不算过分。我恨不能拿针扎我的全身，让我的坏水都流出来。”
“嘘！”他说，把她的小脸紧紧按在自己胸上，仿佛她是个婴儿。“你是因为丧子才弄到这地步呀！你不该这样作践自己啊，我的含羞草哟，世界上那些坏人才该受这样作践哪——可他们倒不觉得该这样呢！”
“我不该再这样下去啦。”她嘟囔着，她在他怀里已经好一会儿了。
“怎么不该呢？”
“因为那是沉迷不返。”
“还是那一套！难道说世界上还有什么东西比咱们相爱更美好吗？”
“有。那要看什么样的爱；你的——咱们的爱是错误的。”
“这我不承认；苏！好吧，你究竟打算哪一天咱们到法衣室签婚约？”
她稍停了一下，然后紧张地抬起头来看。“永远也不签。”她低声说。
他并不明白她说这话的整个用意，也就平心静气地接受了她的反对表示，没说什么。几分钟之后，他想她是睡着了，但是他一轻轻说话，却发现她一直醒着。她坐起来，叹口气。
“苏，你今天晚上身上有一种奇怪的、讲不出来的味道，一种气味。”他说。“我不单是指你的思想，还有你的衣服。我觉得这味儿挺熟，一股子草香气。”
“是烧的香。”
“烧的香？”
“我在圣·西拉教堂做礼拜来着，我这是让香薰的。”
“哦——圣·西拉。”
“对。我有时候上那儿去。”
“是吗，你上那儿去啦？”
“你知道，裘德，你平常上班，上午家里冷清清的，我就想啊想到——”她停下来，直到她能把发硬的喉头平抑下去。“于是我就开始到那里边去啦，反正它挺近。”
“哦，呃——我当然不反对。不过，按你这个人，不免有点怪。他们可没想到他们里头居然来了个捣乱鬼。”
“你什么意思，裘德？”
“呃——干脆说吧，来了个怀疑派。”
“你怎么在我心里正烦的时候，还这么揉搓我，亲爱的裘德！当然我知道你不是有意的，可是你总不该这么说呀！”
“我不说就是啦。不过我实在太意外啦！”
“呃——我还想跟你说点别的，裘德。你别生气，行不行？我的宝贝儿死了之后，我想了好多好多。我觉着我不该再做你的妻子啦，或者算是你妻子。”
“你说什么呀？……可是你现在就是啊！”
“从你的角度看，是这样；不过——”。
“咱们从前当然是害怕那套仪式，恐怕也有好多处在咱们这种地位的人，也有类似的强有力的理由，心怀疑惧。但是经验证明了咱们其实误断了自己，把自己没有恒心毅力估计得也太过分了；要是你现在真是尊重那些繁文褥节，我就不懂你干吗不明说咱们该立刻履行那套手续？苏呀，你千真万确是我的妻子，所差的就是法律手续。你刚才的话到底是什么意思呢？”
“我认为我不是。”
“不是？那就设想一下咱们举行过仪式，好不好？那你该觉得是我的妻子吧？”
“也不会。就算那样办了，也不觉得是你妻子。那我要觉得比我现在的感觉还要糟。”
“这又怎么解释呢——就按你这么蛮不讲理的说法吧，亲爱的？”
“因为我是里查的妻子。”
“啊——你先前已经把这个荒乎其唐的念头若明若暗地表示过啦！”
“那时候，我不过那么个印象；时间越久，我就越这么确信了——我属于他，不属于其他任何人。”
“天哪——这下子咱们都掉换了位子啦！”
“对。也许就是这样。”
过了一两天，正值夏日黄昏时分，他们还是在楼下那间小屋里坐着，忽然听到他们住的房东木匠家的大门有人敲，隔了一会儿，又有人敲了敲他们的屋门。他们没来得及开门，来人就把门开了，一个女人身影出现了。
“福来先生住这儿吗？”
裘德和苏吓了一大跳，他不由自主地做了肯定的回答，因为那是阿拉贝拉说话的声音。
他客客气气把她让进来，她就在临窗的凳子上坐下了，这样他们能看清楚她背着光的大致形态；不过她身上也没什么特别显眼的地方，所以他们也没法估摸出她外表和神态究竟如何。有点什么东西似乎表明她处境并不怎么得意，也不像卡特莱在世时穿着炫丽。
三个人都想谈谈那场悲剧，可是都觉得挺别扭。出事之后，裘德自以为责无旁贷，立即写信告诉她经过，不过她压根儿没回信。
“我刚打公墓来。”她说。“我一打听好，就到孩子坟上去了。我没能给他送葬——当然你请我来，我还是谢谢。报上登的我全看了，觉得用不着再来了……也不是这样，我是没法来。”阿拉贝拉又把话重了一遍，看来她装不出创巨痛深的样儿，就没完没了数落着。“不过能把坟找到，我心里也舒坦了。裘德，按你这行，你该给他立块像样的碑。”
“我是要立个碑。”裘德愁眉苦脸地说。
“他是我的孩子，我难免心里老想着他。”
“我想是。咱们都想着他。”
“别的孩子不是我的，我没想那么多，这也是常情。”
“当然。”
从苏坐的那个黑暗角落传出一声叹息。
“以前我想，我的孩子要是跟我一块儿就好啦。”卡特莱太太继续说。“那样的话，就出不了事啦！不过，我当然没想从你太太手里把他带走的意思。”
“我不是他太太。”这是苏说出来的。
她的话如此突如其来，一下子叫裘德懵住了。他没说什么。
“哦，对不起，我想是这样。”阿拉贝拉说。“不过我认为你以前是。”
裘德却从苏说话的那种特殊腔调懂得她话里没明说却心照不宣的含义，而阿拉贝拉只能接受这句话的表面意思，此外无所领会。苏的直言不讳使她吃了一惊，她随又恢复了常态，大言不惭地谈论“她的”孩子；虽然孩子活着时候，她毫不关心，这时又装得哀哀欲绝，显然不如此不足以表示她有良心。她故意提到往事，又说了些给苏听的话，但没听到苏答理，原来苏已经人不知鬼不觉地出了屋子。
“她说她不是你太太？”阿拉贝拉换了口气，又拾起话碴儿。“她干吗说这话？”
“我用不着跟你说。”裘德一句话了掉。
“她是你的妻子，对不对？她有一回跟我这么说过。”
“她怎么说，我用不着多嘴。”
“啊——明白啦！啊，我没工夫了。我今儿晚上就住在这地方，我想，咱们共过患难，我还是该来瞧瞧。我要到从前当过女招的那个酒吧过夜，明儿回阿尔夫瑞顿。爸爸回老家了，我跟他住一块儿。”
“从澳洲回来？”裘德不无好奇地说了句。
“是。那儿混不下去了。日子够苦的。大热天，我妈因为拉痢疾死了，你们管这病叫什么？爸爸跟两个小家伙才回来。他在老地方附近找了个小房子，我这会儿给他管家。”
哪怕苏这会儿已经走开了，裘德的前妻还是死装出一副受过严格而良好的教育样儿没变。还把造访限定在一定时间之内，好跟她那极为高雅的气派相称。她走了之后，裘德如释重负上楼去找苏，心里七上八下，怕她出问题。
没人答话。房东木匠说没看见她进来过。因为此刻天已够晚了，裘德不知她的去向，不禁惊慌失措。木匠就把她妻子喊来问，她猜苏多半上圣·西拉教堂去了，她常去那地方。
“晚上到这时候怕进不去了？”裘德说。“大门都关了。”
“她认识拿钥匙的，她什么时候要，都拿得到。”
“她这样有多少天啦？”
“哦，我看，总有几个礼拜了。”
裘德昏昏沉沉地朝教堂方向走去。那地方，当年他醉心于神秘宗信仰时，是常去的；自多年前搬走后，一次也没到过。教堂周围不见人影，但大门显然没上锁。他抬上门搭子，没弄出响声，推开门进去，然后把门掩上，在里边屏息而立。在一片沉寂中，教堂另一端似有极轻微的声音，听起来像是喘息，又像哽咽。他在昏暗中向那边轻轻走去，脚步踩到地毯上，没露响声。堂外夜光微茫，照到里面，因而把昏暗稍稍破开了点。
裘德勉强看清，在祭坛层阶上方，高悬着一个巨大的、造得很结实的拉丁式十字架——大概是依原件尺寸而设计，供信徒瞻仰，好像是用看不见的铁丝把它吊在半空，上面嵌着多枚大颗宝石；在十字架无声地、难以觉察地前后摆动中，由于外面微弱光线射进的缘故，宝石稍稍闪光。祭坛下面的地上似摊着一堆黑衣服，他刚才听到的哽咽声一再从那儿发出来。原来是他的苏的形体，匍匐在垫子上。
“苏！”他低声说。
这时露出了白色的东西，原来是她把脸转过来了。
“你到这儿来找我想干吗，裘德？”她几乎气愤地说。“你不该来！我要一个人呆着！你干吗闯到这儿来？”
“亏你问得出口？”他用激烈的责备口气反洁她。她竟然对他那样的态度，不禁伤了他整个心，直痛到最深处。“我干吗来？要是我不该来，我倒要知道知道谁才有权利来！我爱你胜过爱自己——胜过——远远胜过你爱我啊！你神差鬼使地离开我，一个人上这儿来，究竟为什么？”
“你别挑我的刺儿啦，裘德——我没法受下去啦！——我已经一再跟你说过啦。我是什么样的人，你就得当我什么样的人，不这样不行。我是个倒霉鬼——误入歧途，毁掉啦！阿拉贝拉一来，我觉着伤心得要死，只好走开啦。看来她还是你妻子，里查还是我丈夫。”
“但是他们根本不算一回事嘛！”
“不是那样，亲爱的朋友，他们还算一回事。我现在对婚姻的看法不一样了。我的宝贝儿给夺走了，这就给我指点迷津啦！阿拉贝拉的孩子杀了我的孩子就好像是上帝的惩罚——对的把错的干掉啦。唉，我可怎么好呢！我这人是这么个下贱货——真真一文不值，根本不配跟普普通通人搀和到一块儿！”
“你说得太可怕了！”裘德说，差不多要哭了。“你并没做过什么错事，你这么悔恨交加，实在太没道理，大反常啦！”
“啊，你还不知道我有多坏哪！”
他正言厉色地反唇相讥：“我知道！连皮带骨，哪一点都知道！如果说基督教、神秘宗、僧侣团，还是叫别的名堂，就是造成你精神退化的因由，那你就是叫我恨这样的东西。像你这样一个女诗人、女先知、一个灵魂像钻石般闪光的女人 ——世上几明哲有识者，如果对你有了解，都会引你为做，而你居然把自己贬到这地步。如果神学就这样把你毁掉，我才为自己跟神学绝了缘庆幸呢，才他妈庆幸呢！”
“你生气啦，裘德，对我发狠啦，你根本不知道所以然啊。”
“那你跟我回家吧，最亲爱的，也许我以后知道所以然。现在，我压得透不过气来，你也心乱如麻啊。”他搂着她的腰，把她拉起来；可是她起来是起来了，却宁肯自己走，不用他扶着。
“我不是不喜欢你，裘德。”她用爱娇而又央求的口气说。“不过——我不该再爱你爱下去——不该再爱下去啦。哦，决不该再爱下去啦！”
“这我可不能答应。”
“可我主意拿定啦，我不是你妻子！我属于他——我行过神圣的仪式，是要跟他过一辈子的。这怎么也变不了！”
“要是说，这人世间还有两个人称得上夫妻，那毫不含糊就是咱们两个。大自然给咱们匹配的，这可是没半点疑问！”
“不过那不是上天的意旨。上帝给我在那边配了姻缘呢，是在麦尔切斯特订下终身的。”
“苏啊，苏啊——人生的忧患把你搞得连理性都失掉的地步啦！从前你让我在多方面改变信仰，相信你的观点，现在我反而发现你突然一百八十度大转弯——根本没道理，无非一时感情用事，把从前说的话翻了个个儿。你把我对教会这个老朋友剩下来的感情、崇敬连根铲掉了……你现在怎么对你从前的逻辑变成很离奇的睁眼瞎，我倒真是不明白所以然哪。只有你才这么特殊呢，还是女人一概如此？究竟女人是一个能思想的整体，有本账，还是思想散散落落，老归不到一块儿？你不是极力强调婚姻充其极是一张恶俗不堪的契约吗？这话也对！你不是极力把婚姻说得一无是处——是彻头彻尾的荒谬绝伦之举吗？要说咱们在一块儿过快乐舒心的日子，那时候是二加二等于四，而今不也明明白白是个四吗？我再说一遍，我实在不明白所以然！”
“唉，亲爱的裘德呀，这是因为你跟个地地道道的聋子一样，看着别人听音乐，你说‘他们盯着瞧什么？那儿什么也没有啊。’但是那儿的确有东西。”
“你说这话太刻薄啦；再说这个比喻根本不成立。你把由来已久的偏见所形成的糟粕一概抛弃了，教我也这样；而你现在却一个跟斗翻回去了。我承认自己蠢到了家，完全错看了你。”
“亲爱的朋友，我唯一的朋友啊，别对我这么狠吧！我现在只好这样啦，因为我现在相信自己是正确的——我终于看到了光明。但是，唉，又怎么样才能从中得益呢！”
他们又往前走了几步，到了教堂外面，她去还了钥匙。“难道这就是那位姑娘吗？”她回来以后裘德说，一到开敞的大街上，他觉得自己平素应付局面的能力又稍微恢复了。“难道这就是把异教神像带进了这个最富于基督教精神的城市的那位姑娘吗？——是学着方道悟小姐拿脚后跟把它们踩碎的那位姑娘吗？是动辄引用吉本、雪莱和密尔的那位姑娘吗？到如今，亲爱的阿波罗上哪儿去啦？亲爱的维纳斯，上哪儿去啦？”
“哦，裘德，别对我这样残酷吧，别这样吧，我心里够难过啦！”她呜咽着。“我受不了啦！以前我想错了——我现在没法跟你评这个理，我错了——因为我狂妄自大，才什么都不放在眼里。阿拉贝拉一来，总算有个了局啦。你别那样挖苦我，好吧，那真像刀子扎肉啊！”
他伸出胳臂把她搂住，她没来得及阻止他，他就在寂静的大街上狂吻她。他们又往前走，到了一家小咖啡馆前面。‘嚷德，”她强忍住泪说，“你在这儿给我找个地方住，行不行啊？”
“要是、要是你打算这样——我可以照办。不过你未必真要这么办吧？还是让我先回咱们家，再弄明白你意思好啦。”
他开了门，把她领进去。她说不想吃晚饭了，摸黑上了楼梯，又擦了根火柴，回身一看，原来裘德跟着她上来了，正站在卧室门前。她走到他身边，把一只手放在他手里，说，“晚安。”
“可是苏啊！咱们就不一块儿在这儿睡吗？”
“你说了我怎么打算，你就怎么办！”
“是呀，好极啦！也许我刚才争来争去，争得那么倒胃口，全都错啦！也许咱们当初没按旧式婚礼正大光明地成了结发夫妻，所以早该一刀两断才是啊！这个世界也许还没开通到能容得下咱们这样的试验啊！咱们居然自命是先驱，干起来了，现在想想咱们算是老几啊！”
“无论如何，你总算明白过来了，我很高兴。我做事向来顾前不顾后，一意孤行。我因为心里嫉妒、躁动，才不由自主地错到底啦！”
“可也还是因为爱吧——你不是爱过我吗？”
“爱过。不过我原来是想到一定限度为止，以后充其量也只是情人罢了；后来——”
“不过男女一堕人爱河，那就欲罢不能了，没法老那样下去啊！”
“女人行；男人办不到，因为他们——下不了决心。一个平平常常的女人比一个平平常常的男人在这方面总是高一筹——她决不会先挑逗，只是对男人回应。咱们本来应该神交，其他都是多此一举。”
“我以前说过了，事情变了卦，我就是那个不幸的根子。……好吧，照你说的办吧！不过人本来就是江山易改，禀性难移啊！”
“哦，就是啊——所以这就是非学不可的地方——要做到我役我心。”
“我还要说一遍——咱们两个，不能怪你，只能怪我。”
“不对——该怪我。你固然也有坏地方，不过那是男人天生要对女人占有的欲望。在嫉妒心驱使我要把阿拉贝拉挤开之前，我这方面可没存投桃报李之想。我当时想我应该发点慈悲，让你接近我——觉得我要是像从前对我那个朋友那么折腾你，那就自私自利得该死了。要不是你当时可能会把她叫回来，叫我怕得要死，把不住自己了，我也不会听了你的……不过咱们用不着再批这些啦！裘德，你现在就让我一个人呆着，行不行？”
“行啊……可是苏——我的妻啊，因为你现在还是啊。”他忍不住说出来了：“我从前责备你究竟还是合乎实情的。你压根儿没像我爱你那样爱过我——压根儿没有过。你的心没有充沛的热情，你的心不是熊熊燃起的烈火！你这个人，整个看来，是仙女下凡，是精灵作怪，可就不是个地地道道的女人。”
“原先我并不爱你，裘德，这我承认。我刚认识你时候，无非想叫你爱上我。我倒不是有意勾引你，但是有些女人与生俱来的那种内心饥渴，我也有；它戕害起妇女的德性来，简直比放荡不羁的激情还要厉害。——那是引诱男人，魁惑男人的渴望，至于对男人造成什么样伤害是在所不计的；到我发现你已经上钩的时候，我又怕起来了。后来——我也说不上所以然——我就不能放手，纵你而去——多半又到阿拉贝拉那儿去——于是我就慢慢爱上你了，裘德。但是你看哪，不管结局糟不糟，我这边纯粹出于自私而残忍的欲望，让你的心为我而痛苦，我的心却不为你而痛苦。”
“你现在又用甩了我的办法，对我加倍残忍哪！”
“啊，对啦！我要是再摇摆不定下去，我造的孽就更大啦！”
“哦，苏！”他说，猛烈意识到自己要面临的险境。“别以道德的名义干不道德的事吧，你一直是我这辈子的救世主。为了人道，你别跟我分手吧。你知道我为人多么软弱。你知道我心里有两个魔——对女人心慈面软，对烈酒一见上瘾。苏啊，你可别就为救自己的灵魂，生生把我丢给恶魔啊！自从你成了我的守护大使，我才远远避开了它们的祸害。自从我有了你，随便我碰上什么诱惑，也出不了漏于。为我的安全无虞，难道就不值得你稍稍牺牲点僵化的原则吗？你要是一走，我真怕我又成了才洗刷干净的猪，又回到脏圈里头打滚啦！”
苏一下子哭了。“哦，你可不许这样啊，裘德！你别这样啊！我白天夜里都要为你祈祷！”
“呃——没关系；别伤心吧。”裘德宽厚地说。“大有眼睛，从前我真是为你受了苦，如今再受苦就是啦。不过恐怕还没你受苦受得那么厉害。到头来，还是女人受苦受得最厉害！”
“她就是这样啊。”
“她要不是这样，那她准是个十足下贱、令人唾弃的东西。无论怎么说，眼前这位女人也不是那类人哪！”
她紧张地透了一两口气。“她是那类人——我担心啊！现在，袭德——晚安——请吧！”
“我就真不能呆在这儿？——连一回都不行？我呆在这儿有多少回呀——哦，苏，我的妻呀，怎么就不行啊？”
“不行——不行——我不是你的妻子啦！……我就掐在你手心里，裘德——我既然往前走了这么远了，你就别再把我引诱回来吧！”
“好极啦，我就认你这个账。亲亲，为了我头一回沾了你的光，占了你便宜，就赎罪还账吧。上帝啊，我以前多自私自利啊！也许——也许——人世上男女之间最高尚最纯洁的爱情中的这一份，让我全糟蹋啦！……那就从此时此刻，让咱们圣堂上的帐子也裂成两半好啦！”
他走到床边，把那对枕头中的一个抓起来，摔到地上。
苏看着他，人又伏在床上吞声哭着。“你就不明白我这么做是受良心驱使，不是因为不喜欢你！”她断断续续地咕哝着。“会不喜欢你吗？不过我没法再说啦——我心碎啦——这一来我开始做的一切都不会有好结果哟！裘德——晚安！”
“晚安！”他说完转身就走。
“哦，可你总得吻吻我呀！”她说，立起身来。“我没法——受啦——！”
裘德紧紧抱着她，吻她满是泪的脸，他以前从没这样吻过她。他们谁也没说话，顶到后来她说，‘再见吧，再见吧！”接着把他轻轻推开，她自己能活动了，就想把悲伤气氛缓和一下，于是说，“咱们以后还照样是朋友，裘德，是不是呀？以后咱们有时候还要见见面吧，对不对呀？——是啊！——把这些全忘掉了，咱们尽量做到好久以前那个老样子，好不好？”
裘德心一横，一句没说，转身下楼去了。