"How could I have managed to be so long and so passionately devoted to Seriosha?" I asked myself as I lay in bed that night. "He never either understood, appreciated, or deserved my love. But Sonetchka! What a darling SHE is! 'Wilt THOU?'--'THY hand'!"
I crept closer to the pillows, imagined to myself her lovely face, covered my head over with the bedclothes, tucked the counterpane in on all sides, and, thus snugly covered, lay quiet and enjoying the warmth until I became wholly absorbed in pleasant fancies and reminiscences.
If I stared fixedly at the inside of the sheet above me I found that I could see her as clearly as I had done an hour ago could talk to her in my thoughts, and, though it was a conversation of irrational tenor, I derived the greatest delight from it, seeing that "THOU" and "THINE" and "for THEE" and "to THEE" occurred in it incessantly. These fancies were so vivid that I could not sleep for the sweetness of my emotion, and felt as though I must communicate my superabundant happiness to some one.
"The darling!" I said, half-aloud, as I turned over; then,
"Woloda, are you asleep?"
"No," he replied in a sleepy voice. "What's the matter?"
"I am in love, Woloda--terribly in love with Sonetchka"
"Well? Anything else?" he replied, stretching himself.
"Oh, but you cannot imagine what I feel just now, as I lay covered over with the counterpane, I could see her and talk to her so clearly that it was marvellous! And, do you know, while I was lying thinking about her--I don't know why it was, but all at once I felt so sad that I could have cried."
Woloda made a movement of some sort.
"One thing only I wish for," I continued; "and that is that I could always be with her and always be seeing her. Just that. You are in love too, I believe. Confess that you are."
It was strange, but somehow I wanted every one to be in love with Sonetchka, and every one to tell me that they were so.
"So that's how it is with you? " said Woloda, turning round to me. "Well, I can understand it."
"I can see that you cannot sleep," I remarked, observing by his bright eyes that he was anything but drowsy. "Well, cover yourself over SO" (and I pulled the bedclothes over him), "and then let us talk about her. Isn't she splendid? If she were to say to me, 'Nicolinka, jump out of the window,' or 'jump into the fire,' I should say, 'Yes, I will do it at once and rejoice in doing it.' Oh, how glorious she is!"
I went on picturing her again and again to my imagination, and, to enjoy the vision the better, turned over on my side and buried my head in the pillows, murmuring, "Oh, I want to cry, Woloda."
"What a fool you are!" he said with a slight laugh. Then, after a moment's silence he added: "I am not like you. I think I would rather sit and talk with her."
"Ah! Then you ARE in love with her!" I interrupted.
"And then," went on Woloda, smiling tenderly, "kiss her fingers and eyes and lips and nose and feet--kiss all of her."
"How absurd!" I exclaimed from beneath the pillows.
"Ah, you don't understand things," said Woloda with contempt.
"I DO understand. It's you who don't understand things, and you talk rubbish, too," I replied, half-crying.
"Well, there is nothing to cry about," he concluded. "She is only a girl."
“我怎么能那么强烈、那么长久地爱着谢辽沙呢？”我躺在床上纳闷。“不！他从来也不理解，不会看重，而且也不配享有我的爱……但是索妮奇卡呢？这是多么可爱的人儿啊！‘你愿意吗？’‘你来开头。’……”
我匍匐着跳起来，逼真地想像着她的小脸，随后用被子蒙上头，把浑身都裹住，裹得非常严实的时候就躺下来，感到一种愉快的暖意，沉入甜蜜的梦想和回忆之中。我目不转睛地紧盯着棉被时，就象一个钟头以前那样清清楚楚地看到了她。我甚至在心里同她交谈；这场谈话虽然毫无意义，却给予我无法形容的乐趣，因为谈话里不断出现你，给你，同你，你的等字眼。
这些梦想是那么清晰，一股甜蜜的激动使我不能入睡，我很想跟什么人来分享一下我这过多的幸福。
“我的宝贝！”我几乎说出声来，猛地翻到另一边。“沃洛佳！你睡着了吗？”
“没有，”他用睡意朦胧的声音回答我说。“做什么？”
“我在恋爱，沃洛佳！肯定是爱上了索妮奇卡。”
“哦，那又怎样呢？”他回答我说，伸了一下懒腰。
“噢，沃洛佳！你想像不出我发生了什么事情……我现在裹着被子躺着，那么清楚、那么清楚地看见了她，和她谈话，简直奇怪极了！你知道还有什么吗？我躺着想念她的时候，天知道为什么，我很伤心，非常想哭。”
沃洛佳动了一下。
“我只希望一件事，”我接着说下去，“那就是永远和她在一起，永远看见她，再也没有别的了。你在恋爱吗？坦白地承认吧，沃洛佳。”
真奇怪，我愿意人人都爱上索妮奇卡，人人都这么说。
“这跟你有什么关系呢？”沃洛佳说着，转过脸来望着我。“也许。”
“你并不想睡，你在装样子！”我喊道，看见他那闪闪发光的眼睛丝毫没有睡意，于是我就把被窝掀开。“我们倒不如谈谈她。她不是很迷人吗？……那么迷人，要是她对我说一声：‘尼古拉沙 ① ，从窗口跳下去！’或者‘跳到火里去’嗯，我敢起誓！”我说，“我马上就跳，而且会高高兴兴地跳。嗅，多迷人啊！”我补充一句，历历在目地想像着她，为了充分欣赏这个形象，我突然翻到另一边，把头钻到枕头底下。“我非常想哭，沃洛佳！”
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①尼古拉沙：也是尼古拉的小名。
“傻瓜！”他笑着说，停顿了一会儿之后，又说“我完全不象你那样。我想，如果可能的话，我愿意先坐在她身边，同她谈谈天……”
“啊！那末你也在恋爱？”我打断他的话头。
“然后，”沃洛佳接着说，温柔地微笑着，“然后我就热烈地吻她的小手指头、小眼睛、小嘴、小鼻子、小脚，好好地把她都吻遍了……”
“胡说！”我从枕头底下喊道。
“你什么都不懂！”沃洛佳轻视地说。
“不，我懂得；是你不懂得，净说些蠢话，”我噙着眼泪说。
“不过，你根本用不着哭啊。简直跟女孩子一样。”