Fall 1888, St. Petersburg, Russia
An afternoon spent solving quadratic equations would have been infinitely more pleasant. I smelled like a salad. Cucumber slices for soothing puffy eyes. Blackberry vinegar for brightening dull skin. Goat's milk and honey for softening rough hands. I politely declined when my cousin offered a pinch of her goose-lard-and-pomegranate facial cream.
It was Friday afternoon and our lessons had been canceled at the Smolny Institute so everyone could prepare for the ball. Because dressing up like a doll was much more important than studying literature or learning arithmetic.
Matrimony. That was the true mission of the Smolny Institute for Young Noble Maidens. It was nothing more than a meat market for Russia's nobility, where princes from all across Europe sent their daughters, intending them to marry well. So there I sat, Katerina Alexandra Maria von Holstein-Gottorp, Duchess of Oldenburg. Great-great-granddaughter of Empress Josephine on my mother's side, great-great-great-granddaughter of Katerina the Great on my father's side. Princess of the royal blood. Royal meat for sale. I would rather have been dead.
I once told Maman I wanted to attend medical school and work at one of Papa's hospitals in St. Petersburg or Moscow. I always accompanied her to the Oldenburg Children's Hospital when she made her charity visits at Christmas and Easter. I thought it would be wonderful to take care of sick children and discover cures for diseases. But Maman was horrified by the idea.
"What man would marry a doctor?" she asked, not bothering to wait for an answer. "What a foolish notion!"
But someone needed to find cures for such ill nesses as meningitis, which had taken my younger brother before his first birthday. Why couldn't that someone be me? I'd been only three at the time and too little to understand, but his death had devastated our family. I could remember hearing both of my parents sobbing night after night. There had been too much death in my childhood. My brother, my grandparents, my favorite aunt. I looked forward to the future, when science could perform miracles.
And when we would not have to live in fear of disease.
One of our maids, Anya Stepanova, had a brother Rudolf, who attended the School of Medicine in Kiev. My father, a great believer in philanthropy, had paid Rudolf's tuition. I begged Anya to tell me about his studies, but they did not interest her. Even she was more absorbed with the petty female plots that went on at Smolny. As she fixed my hair for the ball, she told me and my cousin Dariya Yevgenievna the latest gossip about our fell ow student Princess Elena.
"She's a witch, I tell you," Anya whispered as she fussed with my curls. "I saw her earlier in this very room holding a moth by one of its wings over a candle and chanting. She was making some sort of charm, I'm sure of it."
"Don't be ridiculous," I said, shivering all the same. I couldn't help feeling sorry for Elena, even if she was a witch. If she couldn't keep her powers hidden here at Smolny, what hope did I have? Raising the dead was my own secret, a talent I kept hidden, even from myself when I could.
"It's true," my cousin Dariya agreed. "Do you know what the cook said about Elena's dead sister?"
With a frightened whisper, Anya crossed herself. "Holy Mother of God!" One of Princess Elena's sisters had died two years earlier at Smolny. If she was indeed one of the ghosts rumored to haunt these halls, then why didn't she appear to her sister in our dormitory? Unless the ghost was too frightened of her own sister to haunt her.
"There are no ghosts at Smolny," I said, thinking that if there were, I would certainly know. "Anyway, Elena is dancing with the tsar's son tonight.
The tsar and the empress would never allow him to dance with a witch." Dariya sighed. "And how do you think Elena managed to catch the tsarevitch's eye in the first place? You and I both know she's using magic." Our silver-haired headmistress, Madame Tomilov, swept into our room just then with a basket of white corsages, one for each of us. "Here we are, girls. Time to take a flower for your dress."
Dariya and I helped each other with ours. "Don't give me that one, Katiya," my cousin said as I reached for one. "It's yellow," she whispered.
"You know it's bad luck to give someone a yellow flower."
"It's just a little brown around the edges," I said.
"Just pick another one, please, Katiya?" she begged.
I sighed heavily and gave her my flower, pinning the faded rose on my own dress.
Dancing at St. Petersburg balls was extremely formal. We spent hours in class every day practicing the steps for the quadril e and the mazurka. We spent even more time dancing than we did studying French, the official language of the Russian court and the language spoken by all polite society. I hated the difficult polonaise, but it was one of the favorites of our empress and was usually the first dance at every ball.
Only the eldest students of Smolny, the White Form, were allowed to attend the annual Smolny Ball, given by the empress in our honor. The younger girls, the Brown and Blue Forms, would have to wait several years for their turn. The Browns moped sadly as we finished getting ready. "I wonder what the empress will wear," one of the Browns said wistfully. She begged us to wake her when we returned so we could tell her every last detail.
Madame Tomilov frowned at everyone, as if she could scare us into being on our best behavior. "Be mindful of your futures, ladies. Everyone will be watching you tonight. Do nothing to stain your reputation or that of Smolny Institute."
I amused myself by thinking up ways I could do just that. Not that I would, of course. But the thought was so tempting!
The sleighs arrived to carry us to the Winter Palace for the ball. Dariya and I, wrapped in our woolen cloaks, our hands tucked into warm fur muffs, climbed into the first one in line. Three more girls piled in, and we were almost full. Then Elena rushed over, giggling as she joined us in the now-crowded sleigh. "This night is going to be unforgettable," she promised, shoving Aurora Demidova into Erzsebet of Bavaria. Ignoring the girls'
complaints, Elena smiled. "Can't you feel the magic in the air?" My cousin rolled her eyes at the Montenegrin princess. She muttered under her breath, "No good can come of this, Katiya. I have a horrible feeling about tonight."
I shivered, feeling nothing but the bitter cold. I was certain that, witch or no witch, Elena would not do anything foolish. But as I looked back across the line of sleighs, full of excited young girls, I had a terrible vision. A brilliant bluish-white light ill uminated each girl's face.
This vision was, unfortunately, very familiar.
Death would be dancing with us at the ball that night.
I crossed myself and prayed it would touch no one I loved.