I was invited to the palace of Grand Duke and Duchess Sergei Alexandrovich to say farewell to the Hessian sisters before they left for their country estate outside of Moscow. Their only brother, Ernest, and their sisters, Victoria and Irene, had arrived from Hesse to accompany them on a family retreat.
Dariya and I attended the elegant French dinner at the Sergei Palace on the Moika River. It was here, on a bitterly cold winter night almost two years ago, that Count Chermenensky, the first human creature I'd ever raised from the dead, had tried to protect me from one of Princess Cantacuzene's undead creatures. I passed the glass conservatory with my cousin on our way to the dining hall. Seeing the door to the outdoor garden gave me chills, even on this unseasonably mild September night. The poor count had later been destroyed protecting me from Konstantin at Peterhof. How many more members of the Order of St. Lazarus would meet the same fate before the lich tsar was defeated once and for all?
"Katiya, where have you been hiding yourself?" Dariya was asking. "I haven't seen you at the Vladimir Palace in ages. Your mother says you've been busy visiting the sick? Don't you ever grow tired of illness and death?"
I looked up at her, surprised. I never grew tired of studying disease processes. Death saddened me, but I was grateful for the lessons it offered. "Is that how you see me? As a ghoulish student surrounded by misery? I am not miserable."
Dariya looked at me sympathetically. "Then why are your eyes so sad? Why are you not seeking out the tsar's son?"
A sick feeling bloomed deep inside. "Is he here tonight?"
Dariya shook her head. "Why are you not where he is? Tonight he dines with his brother at his uncle Alexei's. With the ballerinas from the Mariinsky Theater."
"How do you know this?" I asked, the sick feeling in my stomach growing worse. I hoped Alix had not heard this rumor.
Dariya smiled. "Zina told me. She was furious when she found out."
"Why?"
"She and Grand Duke Alexei are fighting at the moment."
I looked at her in shock. Of course, I should have known all along. "They are having an affair? Does your father know?"
Dariya shrugged. "My father is in Biarritz with his own mistress. He left me to fend for myself against the dragon Zina a long time ago. I don't care anymore, Katiya. All that matters is that I find a wealthy prince and get a house of my own."
I wrapped my cousin in a fierce embrace. I had had no idea the marriage of her father and stepmother was so miserable. I'd grown up naively in a happy household, with parents who'd also grown up in happy households. I'd always assumed I'd have the same happily-ever-after. At least there was still hope for Petya.
"Gracious, Katiya! It's not quite so terrible!" Dariya said, surprised at my affection. "Oh good, it looks like we're having oysters tonight," she added, noticing the zakuski table. She picked up a glass of champagne and tipped it toward me. "Here's to an interesting evening."
I looked around the reception hall for Alix and noticed her speaking with Grand Duke Sergei. As much as I liked Alix and her sister, the grand duke frightened me with his cruel black eyes. I turned back and found a glass of champagne, sipping it for courage. Dariya had already slipped away to flirt with young men in the grand duke's regiment. It appeared that Prince Kotchoubey was still her favorite.
I left my half-full glass on a servant's silver tray and approached Alix. She smiled when she saw me. "Katerina Alexandrovna," she said. "I'm so happy you're here tonight."
Grand Duke Sergei Alexandrovich frowned at me, his needle-sharp eyes taking in my appearance as if he did not approve. "Duchess," he said with a crisp bow and a click of his boot heels. "I hope you are enjoying yourself this evening."
"Of course, Your Imperial Highness. You have a beautiful home."
He nodded politely. "If you will excuse me, Alix, I must find your sister."
"He wants every little thing to be perfect," Alix said. "Sometimes I think he cares more about party details than Ella does."
"It's a lovely dinner," I said, glancing around at the sparkling china and silver. Delicate orchids and roses bloomed in crystal vases everywhere.
"I dread leaving St. Petersburg," Alix said. "I feel evil creeping through the streets. And it's not just the Dark Court."
She would be overly sensitive right now. It was close to the full moon, when she and her sister roamed the streets as wolf-folk, protecting the innocent from evil creatures. I was grateful and lucky she no longer considered me one of her prey. I wondered what the grand duke thought of his wife and sister-in-law's feral activities. Rumors circulated in Moscow that he and his soldiers were the ones howling like wolves on bitter cold nights. I wondered if they joined the women in order to keep an eye on them.
Alix frowned. "Is the crown prince still in town? Has he tried to speak to you again?"
I shook my head. Whatever Danilo's plans were, I hoped they did not involve me. Since the crown prince's arrest in May, I'd asked Dr. Badmaev to teach me to block him from my mind. Danilo's ascension ritual in Cetinje had forged a powerful blood bond between us, and now I had a hard time keeping the crown prince from hearing my thoughts. The bond had linked our minds in an uncomfortably intimate way. The Tibetan had told me there was nothing that could get rid of this blood bond except death. But I had finally learned to close my mind off from him. Some of the time, at least. I suspected my efforts mostly amused the crown prince. I didn't want George to know just how strong my bond with Danilo was. Even I didn't want to know the depths of it.
We were getting ready to sit down for dinner when the footman announced the arrival of the imperial family. The empress and her eldest children had come to bid farewell to Ella and Alix. Perhaps Her Imperial Highness had cut her sons' party with the ballerinas short.
Everyone pressed forward to pay respects to the empress. George did not look surprised to see me. As soon as the crowd pushed into the grand dining room, he was at my side.
"We need to talk." His voice was low and urgent.
"About what, Your Imperial Highness?" I looked straight ahead, at the back of Grand Duchess Alexandra Iosifovna's large white hair. She was wearing her black feathers again.
He put his hand on my elbow, gently pulling me from the crowd and leading me into a small empty sitting room. "I did not want our last conversation to end the way it did."
"But you walked away first," I pointed out.
"I was upset, Katiya," he said with a sigh. "I did not want to make it worse by saying something we would both regret."
"I already regret it, Georgi." I wanted to be in his arms again so badly. "But I can't change my mind. I won't give up this chance to find a way to cure you."
He looked at me incredulously, taking my hands in his. "Even if it means giving up on a normal life for us?"
"How normal would our life be if you are dying? I don't want to lose you to whatever this wound is. And I can find a cure. I know I can."
"Katiya, my love, I admire you for your dedication, but don't you care about my feelings at all?" Looking steadily into my face, his blue eyes flashed silver. Then he frowned. "I see."
He let go of my hands and stepped back. He'd seen a glimpse of my tangled and distressed thoughts. It did nothing to reassure him.
"You are afraid you might come to resent me if you give up your education. To hell with my father, Katiya. I'll take you away from Russia myself. Wherever you want to go: Paris, Zurich, even London, if that's what you want. They'll probably disown me, and I'm afraid you wouldn't be a grand duchess."
"Georgi, how could you propose such a thing?" I wanted to cry. Again. The thought of him being cut off from his family because of me was horrifying. "Absolutely not."
He shook his head, reading my thought. "I know you're worried that I'd resent you. That is not going to happen."
"How can you be so sure?" I whispered.
He brought my hands to his lips. "Trust me, Katiya. We'll make a new life for just the two of us."
The dinner bell sounded from down the hall. Another of Grand Duke Sergei's perfectly regimented details. George sighed. "We'd better go in separately. Why don't you go first?" He pulled me close and gave me the briefest kiss on my lips.
"We'll talk again later."
I walked to the dining room in a daze. I couldn't let him throw his life away for me. How was I supposed to make him understand that? Or was he just calling my bluff, expecting me to give up my medical training instead? I sat down at my table, fury and frustration rising inside. I wished more than anything that I had the faerie sight and could read George's thoughts, the way he could read mine.
The delicious food, fussed over so by the Grand Duke Sergei, tasted like sawdust. I was so miserable I could not even enjoy the excellent dove croquette. I avoided looking at George but noticed the empress seated with Ella and Alix. Her eyes kept traveling toward my table. I felt her gaze upon me throughout the dinner.
I ate woodenly, smiling and making polite conversation with the guests on either side of me. I nodded when the elderly countess on my right spoke of the weather, and I smiled when the young officer on my left mentioned the latest ballet. My manners were perfect and imperial. My mother would have been pleased, even if the empress was not.