Think about it she did. For hours into the night the problem swirled around in her head as she was unsure about what to do. She wanted to follow her dream, to become a great mage and fulfill the aspects of her spirit heritage that called out to her, but when she thought about her mom she could tell how happy it would make her if she became a dancer instead.
Maybe it wasn’t that her mom wanted her to be a dancer, so much as she wanted her to just be anything other than a mage. Rather than spend who knew how many years trying to raise her levels and potentially be unable to advance to a higher tier mage job in that entire time.
She tried to get the voice's opinion on it, exploring the option of having someone to bounce ideas off of for the first time, but it was firm in its opinion.
<You want to become a mage, you should become a mage.>
“I can’t just do that though, mom’s always working so hard. I need to at least think about what she wants.”
<No you really don’t. It’s your life Thera, you need to live for yourself first.>
“But what if I can never improve my magic or level up the job when I get it,” She accidentally said too loudly before quieting down. “Maybe it’ll just be a waste of my time, enough of my teachers thought it was after all.”
<Who cares about them? It’s your life and I’ll always support whatever choice you think is best for you, but you shouldn’t give up on something you really want just because it might not work out.>
She was starting to feel annoyed that the voice kept pushing her to be selfish. Didn’t it know she was trying to be responsible and make the best decision for everyone? “Why do you want me to choose it so bad then? I need to actually think about it like I promised mom.”
<Like I said, I want you to choose it because it’s what you want, and because I care about your happiness.>
That managed to surprise her. She wasn’t used to hearing anyone outside of her immediate family say anything like that, and rather than react decided she should go down for a glass of water in the kitchen.
Normally she would throw her cloak on before she left, but she hadn’t actually taken it off for the day yet. The voice may have been sure he would be fine, but she knew from experience not to be so quick to trust that. Enough accidents over the years had taught her to be as careful as she could about those sorts of things, even if it was her new imaginary friend.
It was quite late into the night, the enchanted lights dimmed to be easy on the eyes of anyone venturing outside, as she made her way down to the kitchen. She thought everyone would be asleep, but when she poked her head in she found the last people she wanted to see, and turned around without a word. She would have just left too if she hadn’t heard what they were saying, not realizing she was there to hear it.
“Abrus’s offspring has made no progress since we’ve last been here,” Vividus told the other three great spirits who were currently at Thera’s home, all of whom she avoided the best she could. The death spirit Nox, the fire spirit Incedis, and the air spirit Genon all listened to Vividus report the events of Theras training while maintaining hominid type forms.
They leaned toward succubi and incubi builds, as that was the race they tended to interact with most due to Abrus’s relationship with them through her mother. Incedis took the form of a strong incubus with a body made of flames, while Genon appeared as a succubus made of mist and air currents. Nox was the only exception among them, utilizing the properties of his attribute to the extreme by wearing the body of a deceased incubus.
“While I’ll continue to push her as far as I can while we’re here, it’s pretty clear she has no potential. She won’t be any use to keeping this world safe before the invasion hits. Luckily Abrus’s little experiment has made one thing clear.”
“Don’t call her that while we’re here,” Genon said. “I’d rather not have Abrus try to pull me to the center of the world.”
“Fine. As I was saying, Abrus has shown it is possible to produce powerful beings with the mortals of this world, with power akin to their demigods. If we are able to do the same thing but with actual success then we could have many powerful warriors available to us who won’t be hampered by the current child’s limitations.”
Incedis let out a powerful laugh. “Finally, we can’t afford to see how things will turn out with her any longer. The time until the invasion is far too short if the gods are to be believed, we need to take some risks if we want any rewards.”
“I suppose that's why you didn’t invite Salinoth, Lux, or Funa? They’ve been pretty opposed to the idea since you first suggested it all those years ago.” Genon asked.
“I only backed down then because the invasion date was suspected to be much farther back,” The great life spirit said unhappily. “I don’t have the time I thought to get them on our side. We’ll have to make do with what we have. The only question is will you try it?”
They both gave their agreement and Vividus was visibly pleased.
“Good, so what will you both do? Nox and I intend to see if the system placed on us will allow us to produce a soul spirit, I’m sure if you were able to succeed in producing offspring together a spirit capable of explosion magic could be of incredible help in the coming battle.”
The fire and air spirits looked at each other before shaking their heads.
“Honestly, hoping we’ll be able to breed together seems like it would have a low enough chance that it’s not worth the risk of all four of us attempting it,” Incedis said. “If the great life spirit can’t make it work then there's no way we’ll be able to. I have a different idea in mind. Fairies have the benefits of being mana based like us while reproducing sexually and the added advantage of not dying if they use all of their mana, if I can produce offspring with a fire attribute one then the possibility of one being born in the second or even third tier of their skill is almost guaranteed.”
“An excellent idea,” Vividus spoke, thinking the reasoning over. “It’s true that if Abrus had bred with a race with a proper affinity for earth magic they might not have been such a disappointment. What about you Genon, will you be doing the same?”
Again the great air spirit shook her head. “I have a different idea in mind. I will be attempting it with a Fulgur if I can find a suitable one.”
At this Nox spoke up for the first time since Thera had started listening in to the spirits meeting. “I must confess, I don’t frequently leave the death mountains so I’m not as knowledgeable on the various races of the world as I perhaps should be. What made you pick that one in particular?”
“They're natural lightning users, so they all have a high affinity to air, water, and light. Even if the one I produce isn’t born with lightning magic like I hope, I feel the potential of it being able to actually use air magic is great enough that it’s worth the attempt. Not to mention that if it doesn’t end up being born with lightning magic then it would likely still have high affinities in the other two magics. Just because Thera isn’t likely to be able to take advantage of her affinities outside of earth and dark doesn’t mean others won’t if the conditions are right.”
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Vivi was smiling. “I like it, assuming it works out then even if it doesn’t get access to lightning magic as long as it could learn the other two it could make up for the fact that neither Salinoth or Lux are participating. Now perhaps if it works we could try finding a race that’s compatible with one of our affinities as well as space and time too, gods know how helpful that could have been to have around before our planet's fall.”
At that they started reminiscing about the death of their world, but Thera no longer cared, she’d heard more than enough. Quietly as she could, trying to not let them know she had been there, she ran back to her room.
They’re right, I am a failure. I should just give up trying and do what mom says. Maybe then I could at least be happy.
Hearing the great spirits hurt her deeply. She always knew they didn’t have a high opinion of her, and while she never liked them herself she still thought of them as family. She wanted to be acknowledged for her efforts one day, but it looked like that would never happen. Instead they would devote their efforts to trying to make better versions of her. Versions that could use magic without any effort, or were actually born with awakened skills, unlike her who had to start at level zero like everyone else. Why even keep trying.
The voice had been talking to her the entire time. Trying to reassure her, saying it believed in her and was there for her, but she didn’t care. What did it matter when nobody else did?
Eventually it grew silent as she cried and she wore herself out, but she still couldn’t sleep, not with all those thoughts swirling around in her head, and as the hours wore on it decided to try again.
<Talk to me Thera, please.> It spoke with so much gentleness, but she was feeling too lost.
“...Don’t wanna.”
<Okay then, in that case can you listen for a bit?>
When she didn’t say anything it seemed to take it as a sign to keep going.
<I know what it’s like to not know your place in the world. It’s something I’m still struggling with to be honest. I’ve been unneeded, I’ve been not good enough in the eyes of people around me, and I know it’s hard. I know it can hurt so much.>
She felt tears coming back to her eyes but she tried to hold them off, she couldn’t speak so she just nodded.
<I can’t tell you what the right choice is for you. Maybe you’ll be a lot happier if you give up on magic and throw yourself into dance or something else. Maybe you’ll make your mom happy, maybe you wouldn’t have to worry about the other spirits anymore, but when I saw you practicing your magic today, I saw someone who was working hard on something they were passionate about. If you decide to become a dancer, would you really be able to give up on your magic? To put down your staff and never try again?>
She stayed silent, not trusting herself to speak.
<Thera, whether you believe it or not, I swear I’m your friend. If you can honestly tell me you want to give up on magic to be a dancer, I promise I’ll support you, and I’ll never bring up magic again.>
She wanted to say it. If she gave it all up here then maybe her life would start going better. She wouldn’t be the disappointment who couldn’t take advantage of her immense power, she could just have fun dancing all day, maybe even make some real friends as well. But as she tried to get the words out tears came instead.
“I want to be a mage.” She whispered. “But what am I supposed to do?”
<Well first, why don’t you tell your mom?>
Thera walked to her parent’s room and opened the door. Her father never slept but liked to stay the night with her mom anyway, so when she went in he was awake to greet her.
“Everything okay sweetheart?” He asked with concern. “Did you have a bad dream?”
She shook her head and tried to be brave. She wasn’t feeling confident about it but the voice was there to encourage her at least, and she walked up to the bed to shake her mom awake.
After a few moments her mother cracked open her eyes. “Thera honey? Are you okay?”
“Mhm.” She was hanging onto her cloak's sleeves. She knew her voice was going to be unsteady when she spoke and hated it, but wanted to get the words out as fast as possible. “Mom, I want to be a mage. I’m sorry but I can’t be a dancer. I need to do this for me.” She braced herself for whatever her mom would say, but she just scooped her up in a hug and brought her into bed.
“Alright, if that’s what you think is best for you then that's what you’ll do. Now let's get a bit more sleep, it’s still too early.”
She couldn’t believe it. She had expected a fight, or at least for her mom to try and talk her out of it. That had been too easy. At the same time it lifted a weight from her though, as she was finally able to get to sleep.