Do you feel nervous when you meet someone new?
Physiologically, being nervous and being excitedhave a lot in common: pounding heart, churning tummy,high chest breathing and the general jitters. But one ofthese states might send you hightailing it for the nearestdark corner while the other one can serve you well andpropel you forward. There is a tendency for panic toaccompany nervousness, and this quite naturally makesbodily activities speed up. Because much of your nervousnessstems from increased awareness, try redirectingsome of your awareness toward slowing downand being more deliberate. One great technique is toimagine that your nostrils are just below your naveland that your in-and-out breaths are happening down62there. The slower you are, within reason, the more incontrol you will appear.
The sooner you start telling yourself that you'reexcited rather than nervous, the sooner you'll be able toconvince your subconscious that this is actually howyou feel. And, in fact, that's really all that matters.
Change your attitude, and your body language and voicetone will change to reflect your new attitude. Keep inmind that most people are as eager as you are to establishrapport. They will generously give you the benefit ofthe doubt.
Don't try too hard! In a study conducted atPrinceton University, students of both sexes werequestioned about their methods of sizing up peoplethey met for the first time. Overeagerness wasone of the most reported turnoffs. Don't smile toohard, don't try to be too witty, don't be overpoliteand avoid the temptation to be patronizing.
As you become more at ease with your attitude, peoplewill begin to notice characteristics that are uniqueto you—that set you apart from the others and defineyou as an individual. You will naturally and easily projectthe likable parts of your own unique personality andhave more conscious control and confidence in yourability to create rapport at will.
63It's just about impossible to be incongruent whenyou are operating from inside any kind of attitude, usefulor otherwise. Because your attitude precedes you, itis an essential component of the first impression youmake on new acquaintances.