Ryan and his friends have an early-morning game and they want to be at one hundred percent.
Lacy holds out her hand and waves it until I take it. “I’m happy I have a best friend again.”
“All right.” Chris swings Lacy into his arms.
“She’s talking sentimental, which means it’s time to dance.” With her laughing uncontrollably, he carries her to the crowd dancing near the bonfire.
Ryan’s lips graze my earlobe, sending seductive shivers through my body. “Walk with me?”
Anywhere. “Okay.”
Ryan jumps off the bed of the truck and when I scoot to the end of the tailgate, he places his hands on my hips to help me down. I don’t need the help. I’m perfectly capable of getting myself down, but I enjoy the feel of his hands on me. His warmth burns through my clothes and onto my skin.
He lifts me and my body slowly slides against his. I want to kiss him and from the hunger smoldering in his eyes, he feels the same way. He takes my hand in his and leads me away from the bonfire, away from other people, into the woods, and into a world of our own.
The moon creates a silvery glow and the babble of the creek gives the moment a mystical quality. The darkness isn’t so frightening with Ryan. With him I can believe that I am a princess with a wreath of flowers and ribbons crowning my head and he is my prince sworn to protect me from the evils in the night.
Ryan releases my hand and turns his baseball cap to wear it backward, a sure sign he’s going to kiss me. My insides flutter. The enduring cockiness that exudes from Ryan fades and he shoves his hands in his pockets while shifting. “I wasn’t going to do the writing competition, but I am now. I talked to Coach today and told him I’m not playing next Saturday’s game.”
“Why wouldn’t you have done the competition?” I’m confused. Ryan has a gift. Why wouldn’t he use it?
“My dad, he didn’t want…” Ryan shakes his head. “It’s not important. You’ve opened my eyes to a lot of things and I wanted to let you know that you’re a big part of this. A huge part.” He shrugs and for the first time I see Ryan unsure of himself. It’s an odd thing to watch from someone who is always nothing less than perfection.
“You’ll be perfect.” Some lives are blessed.
His is. Mine isn’t. I’m not sure how I helped, but at least he’ll have another good memory of me. I have ten days to tuck in as many good memories as I can for the both of us. I don’t want him to hate me forever. I want him to look back on our time together and smile.
Ryan sucks in a deep breath and his continued track down the path of uncomfortable makes me restless. “My parents are going to be out of town for a week starting tomorrow. They won’t be back until next Sunday.”
Awesome. “I get to use the front door?”
“Yeah. If you want. Don’t get me wrong, I want you to come…I mean I want you to sleep with me…I mean.” Ryan swears under his breath. “I want you at my house if you want to be there.”
If it was anyone else stumbling through that awkwardness, I’d laugh, but it’s Ryan, so I choke on the chuckles. “Are you asking me to have sex?”
His eyes widen. “No. I would never ask that.
I mean, I would. Someday. Now if I could. But no. No. We’ll wait. Ah hell, Beth, can I screw this up any more than I already have?”
I smile at the word screw and Ryan catches it. He says a word I thought only pops out of my mouth. Ryan’s cheeks turn red and the blush on his face makes me blush. God, we’re standing here acting like two virgins.
In fact, this whole week we’ve acted like virgins. We do this uncomfortable dance when I slip into his room and climb into his bed. He waits forever to kiss me, no matter how many signals I give. And when we do kiss—the fire between us is hotter than flames in hell. Then we reach certain points where neither one of us seem to want to cross the line. I’m used to guys pushing forward. I guess I could cross the lines, but the thought frightens me. Such a squeamish-little-girl feeling makes me want to slap myself. It’s not like I’ve never seen a guy’s penis before.
Ryan readjusts his hat and I tilt my head as I understand the agony marring his beautiful face. “You’re a virgin,” I say.
I curse internally when Ryan flips his hat back and yanks the bill hard over his face. Go ahead, Beth, embarrass the boy a little more.
Why don’t you ask him if he has a small dick, too? Talk about screwing things up. This is not the memory I want Ryan to have of me, but the knowledge he’s supplied will ensure I can give him something he’ll never forget: his first time.
I close the distance between us. He’s stiff when I wrap my arms around him and press my cheek against his chest. “I don’t care. In fact, it makes you more perfect.”
Ryan sighs loudly, but his body relaxes under my touch. His strong hands caress my back and weave through my hair. “I’m not perfect, Beth.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Ryan!” Chris yells close to the tree line.
“Get your sorry ass over here. Logan took on a dare.”
“Of course he did,” mumbles Ryan. He keeps his arm around my shoulder and leads me back into the pasture.
Logan stands beside Chris and wears a crazy grin on his face. “Do you still have those bungee cords in your Jeep?”
“Yes,” Ryan answers hesitantly.
An excited gleam that frightens even me sparkles in Logan’s eyes. “Great. Let’s go.”
Chris and Logan head toward the parked cars. I nudge Ryan when he stays still. “Go.”
He traces circles on my arm. “It’ll only be a few minutes.”
“It doesn’t bother me if you want to hang with your friends.”
The sincerity swims in his eyes. “But I’m leaving you alone.”
“Not sure if you noticed, but sometimes I prefer to be alone.”
Ryan flips his hat back around, leans down, and his kiss warms areas that sweatshirts can’t touch. The second his lips leave mine, he pulls his baseball cap off and places it on top of my head. He laughs as the bill falls forward and covers my face. Not wanting him to take it back, I spin it and wear it backward. “You have a big head.”
“Naw,” he says. “You’re just small.”
With pride, I watch Ryan stride across the pasture. He’s a natural athlete with his broad shoulders and strong arms. My heart dances.
For the next ten days—he’s mine.
“I can’t believe you let Ryan put that hat on your head. He sweats in it.” Gwen emerges from the darkness and I immediately think of my fear of demons waiting in the shadows, ready to grab me in the dead of night.
“It doesn’t bother me.”
“If I was you I’d want to hide my hair too,” she says, standing unusually close to me.
I’m going soft if she thinks she’s safe speaking to me that way. Allison would love this chick. They share the same awful taste in clothes. “I remember pushing you to the ground and making you cry in elementary school for fucking with Lacy.”
“I remember you wearing the same damn dress with holes and those pathetic ribbons.”
She stares at my wrist, then at my jeans. “I see your tastes haven’t changed.”
“No,” I say. “But Ryan’s have.”
Her face reddens and I smile. Damn, I really enjoy being me. I give her credit—Gwen quickly rejoins the game. “Look, I’m trying to be helpful. Rumor at school says Ryan is only with you over a dare. Ryan and his friends take dares very seriously and he’d string you along in order to win. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good guy, but he’s a guy, you know? I would hate to see you take a fall once the dare’s complete.”
My entire body tenses. It’s the truth. He did ask me out on a dare, but I’m not a dare anymore. I’m not. “Wow, Gwen. Thanks for your concern. Is this where you ask me to braid your hair and then we’ll giggle about getting to first base with a boy?”
Gwen twines her golden hair around a finger. I should bring her over to Scott as Exhibit B for why I hate blondes. “I’m trying to be your friend, Beth.”
“If you wanted to be my friend, you wouldn’t have tried to slip your tongue in Ryan’s mouth last Tuesday when you cornered him after baseball practice.”
Blood drains from her face and I darkly chuckle to rub in her embarrassment. She didn’t think he would tell me. “Do I sound like a dare now?”
“Why haven’t you dropped out of the homecoming court yet? They’re going to take yearbook pictures next week, so this would be the time to leave.”
“I’m not dropping out.” I’ll be leaving soon, but I won’t drop out. Ryan wowed me and I lost the dare. I have ten days to keep my word to him.
Gwen eyes me coolly. “I thought you didn’t want the nomination.”
I shrug. “I changed my mind.”
“You’re not going to win,” she says. “Some people don’t like you.”
My spine straightens. “Do I look like I give a fuck what people think of me?”
“You should,” she says. “Because Ryan does. If you cared for him, you’d walk away.”
Gwen doesn’t wait for me to reply. She tosses that sickening yellow hair over her shoulder and struts away like she’s queen.
Unwanted demons race into my mind, taunting me with her words. I’m only a dare. Ryan doesn’t love me. I’m no good for him.
Maybe she’s right. Maybe she’s wrong.
None of it matters. I’m here for ten days and even if that wasn’t the case, I have a bottle of rain to prove her wrong.
Ryan
CHRIS AND I BYPASS a woman with three screaming children and an old guy guarding the shopping carts. It’s Tuesday evening and at Chris’s insistence, I drove the two of us into Louisville so we could shop at the Super Wal-Mart.
“Do you want to tell me why we’re here?” I ask. We have a Wal-Mart near the freeway back in Groveton, but it’s a much smaller version and thirty years older.
“We know the people who work at our WalMart. More importantly, our parents know the people who work there.” Chris swings to the right, away from the food section and toward the pharmacy.
“So?”
“You want to keep Beth a secret from your parents, right?”
I cringe when he says it that way, but in the end, it’s the truth. I want Beth to be my girl in every aspect of my life, but I need to pick my battles. I’m going to nail the writing competition, make the decision regarding going pro or going to college, then own up to keeping Beth. “What does that have to do with Wal-Mart?”
Chris cuts into an aisle and waves his hand at the merchandise in front of him. “This.”
Condoms. Everywhere. I scratch the back of my neck and try to think of anything to say, but there isn’t a statement that could make this moment less uncomfortable.
“You need condoms,” says Chris.
Chris and I engulf the entire cramped aisle in front of the pharmacy. The middle-aged woman with the three kids eyes us as she walks past. “I’m taking it slow with Beth.”