Mrs. Jewls rang her cowbell. "I have some wonderful news," she said.
The children stopped what they were doing and looked up. They waited for Mrs. Jewls to tell them the wonderful news.
"You are a very lucky class indeed," said Mrs. Jewls. "Mrs. Waloosh, the world famous dancer, will be coming here to Wayside School! She will teach you how to dance!"
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Everyone was still waiting for the wonderful news.
"Isn't that exciting?" asked Mrs. Jewls. "You will see her every Wednesday instead of going to P.E."
"Will girls have to dance with boys?" asked Jenny.
"I suppose," said Mrs. Jewls.
"Gross!" exclaimed Leslie.
"Yuck!" said Dana.
"Will boys have to dance with girls?" asked Ron.
"Obviously," said Mrs. Jewls.
"No way!" said Eric Fry.
"I'd rather dance with a dead rat!" said Terrence.
Everybody started talking at once-about cooties, and warts, and other horrible diseases you get from touching girls or boys.
Mrs. Jewls rang her cowbell again and told them to settle down.
"Mrs. Jewls, I don't need to take dancing lessons," said Eric Bacon. "I already know how to dance!"
"Yes, Eric, I've seen you 'dance,' " Mrs. Jewls said sarcastically.
Eric Bacon was a great breakdancer. But break-dancing was no longer allowed at Wayside School. That was because every time Eric danced, he broke something.
"Mrs. Waloosh will teach you the grace and beauty of classical ballroom dancing," said Mrs. Jewls.
Everybody groaned.
On Wednesday they all headed down to their first
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dancing lesson. Except Myron. Myron went to P.E.
"How come Myron never has to do anything?" asked Jason.
"I don't know!" said Calvin. "I've been wondering about that too."
"Myron's father must be friends with the president," said Bebe.
"I think Myron gave Mr. Kidswatter a thousand dollars," said Todd.
"No, I bet he's blackmailing Mrs. Jewls," said Jenny.
"How could he do that?" asked Benjamin.
"Maybe Mrs. Jewls got drunk!" said Jenny. "And then she danced on top of her desk with a lampshade on her head. And Myron took her picture. And so now Mrs. Jewls has to let Myron do anything he wants, or else he'll show the picture to Mr. Kid-swatter!"
"That makes sense," said Mac.
"Except if she had a lampshade on her head, how would Mr. Kidswatter know it was Mrs. Jewls?" asked Todd.
No one knew the answer to that.
They entered the room on the second floor.
"Welcome!" said Mrs. Waloosh, a strange-looking woman with bright red hair. It looked like her head was on fire. "My name eez Meez Valooosh. It's so wonderful to be here at Vayside School."
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She wore pink tights and a sparkling pink top. "I hope ve vill be friends, yes?" she asked.
Nobody said a word.
All around were red and green balls. There was also one yellow ball. This was the room where Louis kept the balls for lunch and recess. It was also the room that was always used for school dances. It was the ballroom.
"So!" exclaimed Mrs. Waloosh. "Who vill be first?"
Everyone tried to hide behind someone else.
Mrs. Waloosh put her hands on Ron's face. "Vhat eez your name?" she asked.
"Ron," he squeaked.
"RONALDO!" bellowed Mrs. Waloosh. "King of the Gypsies!"
"I don't know how to dance," said Ron.
"Dahnce?" asked Mrs. Waloosh. She looked very surprised. "Ve are not going to dahnce," she said.
"We're not?" asked Ron.
"No, Ronaldo," whispered Mrs. Waloosh. "Ve are going to tango!"
She put her left arm around Ron's waist. Then she grabbed his left hand with her right and stuck it way out in front of them. Suddenly the music started.
Mrs. Waloosh dragged poor Ron across the room as she stomped her feet in time to the music.
Domp. Domp-domp. Domp-domp. Da-da-domp.
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Domp! Domp! Domp! Domp! Domp-domp-domp-domp-domp, "HEY!"
When she yelled "HEY!" she threw Ron up in the air and clapped her hands. Ron turned a somersault in midair; then Mrs. Waloosh caught him. They tangoed back to where they started. Ron's eyes were spinning in opposite directions.
"Hey, that looked like fun," said Maurecia. "Do me."
"Very veil," said Mrs. Waloosh. She grabbed Maurecia and tangoed with her across the room. Domp. Domp-domp. Domp-domp. Da-da-domp. Domp! Domp! Domp! Domp! Domp-domp-domp-domp-domp, "HEY!" She threw Maurecia up in the air and clapped her hands.
Maurecia turned a double somersault before Mrs. Waloosh caught her. They tangoed back to the front.
"My turn," said Terrence.
As Mrs. Waloosh tangoed with Terrence, the other kids stamped their feet along with Mrs. Waloosh. They all yelled "HEY!" at the same time and clapped their hands.
One by one, Mrs. Waloosh tangoed with every kid in the class. The other kids danced with each other. Boys danced with girls, and girls danced with boys. They didn't care. Paul danced with Leslie. Dana danced with John. Terrence danced with Rondi. Allison danced with Jason. D.J. danced with Kathy. Todd danced with Joy.
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"HEY!" they all shouted together.
Of course, they weren't strong enough to throw each other up in the air. Instead, they tried to trip each other and throw each other to the ground. "HEY!"
Even Kathy was having fun. "HEY!" she shouted as she kicked D. J. in the rear end.
They also threw the balls at each other. "HEY!"
Mrs. Waloosh began to get tired. Sometimes she didn't catch the children after she tossed them in the air.
Deedee crashed to the floor. "Wow," she said, "this is more fun than murder-the-man-with-the-ball! HEY!"
At last the music stopped. Domp! Domp! Domp! Domp! Domp-domp-domp-domp-domp. And everyone shouted "HEY!" one last time.
Mrs. Waloosh clapped her hands. "Vonderful!" she exclaimed. "Fahntasteek!"
They all staggered out of the ballroom, cut up, bruised, and bleeding.
"Next veek, ve valtz!" Mrs. Waloosh called after them.
"So how did everyone like dancing?" asked Mrs. Jewls when they returned.
"Dahnce?" asked Ronaldo, King of the Gypsies. "Ve didn't dahnce."
"You didn't?" asked Mrs. Jewls.
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"No," said Ronaldo. "Ve tangoed!"
Everyone cheered.
"It vas vonderful!" exclaimed Kathy.
"Fahntasteek!" said Terrence.
Myron was sorry he had missed it.
"I can't vait till next Vednesday," said Todd.