29. The Lost Ear 丢失的耳朵

Mrs. Jewls was teaching the class about mammals. "All mammals have hair," she said.

Bebe raised her hand. "Is my father a mammal?" she asked.

"Yes, all people are mammals," said Mrs. Jewls.

"But my father doesn't have any hair," said Bebe. "He's bald!"

Everybody laughed.

Benjamin stared down at his desk top. He was very determined. Mrs. Jewls would be handing out

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report cards at the end of the week. He had to tell her his real name before then.

He raised his hand.

But Mac also had his hand raised.

"Yes, Mac," said Mrs. Jewls.

"I heard about a man who was getting his hair cut," said Mac. "And the barber cut off one of the man's ears! See, the man had very long hair. I think he was a hippie. So the barber couldn't see his ear until it fell on the floor."

"Thank you, Mac," said Mrs. Jewls. "That was a very interesting story."

"I'm not finished," said Mac. "When the barber saw the ear on the floor, he said, 'Is that your ear on the floor?' And then the hippie said 'What? I can't hear you.' So the barber showed him his ear; then he called an ambulance to take the hippie to the hospital."

"Were they able to put his ear back on?" asked Todd.

"Well, see," said Mac, "the doctors were all set to sew it to his head. They were in the operating room and everything. But suddenly they couldn't find the ear. Man, they looked everywhere for it!"

"Did they look under the operating table?" asked Joy.

"Yep," said Mac. "It wasn't there."

"How about in the bathroom?" asked Eric Bacon. "Maybe they lost it when they washed their hands."

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"They looked, but it wasn't there," said Mac.

"Did they leave it at the barbershop?" asked Jenny.

"Nope."

"Did they ever find it?" asked Allison.

"Yes," said Mac, "but you'll never guess where!"

"In the refrigerator," grumbled Mrs. Jewls.

"No, how would it get there?" asked Mac.

"Well, we really need to get back to mammals," said Mrs. Jewls. "Yes, Mark."

Benjamin lowered his hand. "My name's not Mark," he said. "My name really is Benjamin. Benjamin Nushmutt! And I came from Hempleton, not Magadonia."

"Fine," said Mrs. Jewls. "But we were talking about mammals. Now the whale is the largest mammal. Even though it lives in the ocean, it is still a mammal, not a fish."

"Do whales have hair?" asked John.

"Yes," said Mrs. Jewls.

Dana laughed. "A whale with pigtails!" she exclaimed.

"Boy, I'd love to pull one of those!" said Paul.

Benjamin couldn't believe it. "Didn't you hear what I just said?" he asked.

"Yes, Benjamin," said Mrs. Jewls.

"Well, don't you think I'm strange?" asked Benjamin. "All this time you've been calling me by the

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wrong name, and I never told you? Don't you think I'm crazy?"

"No," said Mrs. Jewls.

Benjamin was getting upset. "Well, don't you think it's a stupid name? Benjamin Nush-mutt!" He looked around at his classmates. "Doesn't anybody think I'm weird?"

"No, you're not weird!" said Sharie. "I'll tell you what's weird. What's weird is bringing a hobo to school for show-and-tell. I'm the one who's weird."

"That's not weird!" said Bebe. "What's weird is telling everyone you have a brother when you don't. I'm the weirdo!"

"You call that weird?" exclaimed Stephen. "7'm weird. Who else would choke himself just to look nice?"

"That's not weird," said Jenny. "That's normal. Try reading a story backward. That's weird. I'm the weird one in this class."

"That's a laugh!" said Rondi. "If you're so weird, then how come you never asked Louis to kick you in the teeth? I'm the one who's crazy!"

"No, that's not crazy," said Todd. "Ill tell you what's crazy. What's crazy is that we all go to school on the thirtieth floor, and the bathrooms are way down on the first!"

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Everyone agreed with that, even Mrs. Jewls.

Benjamin shook his head. What a bunch of weirdos! he thought. Then he smiled. He felt proud to be in a class where nobody was strange because nobody was normal.

"Oh, this must be your lunch," said Mrs. Jewls. She gave Benjamin the white paper sack that had been sitting on her desk since Benjamin's first day of school.

At lunch Allison headed down the stairs. "Mark!" she exclaimed.

"Hi, Allison," said Mark Miller. "Long time no see." He carried a white paper sack just like Benjamin's.

Allison was afraid she was back on the nineteenth story.

"Don't worry," said Mark. "Suddenly everyone realized my name was Mark Miller and not Benjamin Nushmutt. And then Miss Zarves gave me this bag and told me to take it to the hospital."

"Is it your lunch?" asked Allison.

"Look inside," said Mark. He handed her the bag.

Allison looked inside.

There was an ear.

Allison's eyes lit up. "Oh, now I get it!" she exclaimed. "I understand everything! There is no Miss Zarves! See, Mac was talking about the ear, then Mark Miller, I mean Benjamin Nushmutt, said

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his name wasn't Mark Miller, so that means you-"

"What?" asked Mark.

Allison suddenly looked very confused. "Never mind," she mumbled.

For just a second Allison had understood everything, but then she lost it.